Derek! Who The F*** Is Derek?


Christopher Spivey


I feel sure that most of you know who Derek Laud is by now. However, for the benefit of those who don’t, all you need to know can be found right here in this article.

Moreover, there is plenty of new information for those of you who think you know all about the sick fuck.


Now, Laud started his rise to infamy as a researcher working in Slaggy Thatcher,s government during the mid-1980′s.

However, his aspirations of becoming a Politician were dealt a severe blow in May 1986 when he stood in the general election for a seat in Wandsworth council’s Graveney ward. And despite winning 937 votes, it wasn’t quite enough to secure him the seat.

Never the less, by the late 1980’s Laud was a parliamentary aide to Slaggy as well as being her main speech writer. In fact his talent with words was also extended to writing speeches for Michael ‘Tarzan’ Heseltine & Alan ‘nonce’ Clarke.

Course as we now know, Thatcher’s government was infested with vile paedophiles, most of whom were cruel and sadistic to the extreme.

All, and I mean all, of her top ministers were – and some still are – an extreme danger to children. So, bearing that in mind along with the fact that Slaggy Thatcher played hostess to Jimmy Savile for 11 consecutive Christmas’s, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that the old bitch is of the same ilk.

Our current Prime Minister, the obnoxious David Cameron also happened to be Slaggy’s protégé. In saying that, do not assume that I am hinting that Cameron is a vile deviant. I am telling you that he is. At best, Cameron is actively protecting paedophiles of the worst kind. There is only one sort of man that would do that.

This then, was the world that Laud inhabited and as such, it should come as no surprise to anyone that Laud was amongst the vilest, most depraved and dangerous of the whole foul lot of them.

Laud had also been a fund raiser for Slaggy Thatcher’s 1987 election campaign alongside the odious, uncharismatic  Lord Alistair McAlpine. He also did the same for John ‘nice peas Norma’ Major in his 1992 election campaign.     

It is true to say then, that Laud was so well thought of within the Tory Party, that Major deemed him worthy of a mention in his autobiography, Moving on from Westminster, as did Alan Clarke in his successful series of Diaries.

Having said that, there is no denying that Laud is somewhat of an Enigma. Certainly, he is unforgettable. He is also extremely intelligent, speaks with an accent worthy of the aristocracy, is impeccably well mannered, athletic, and can be as charming as they come. At the same time, he has the caustic sarcasm usually associated with drag queens such as Lily Savage. He also happens to be Black, which back in the day was a true rarity in British Politics.

So  rare in fact, that I think I’m right in saying that there was only three Black Politicians in England at that time. And, although technically Laud wasn’t a politician (not through want of trying), he certainly moved exclusively in their circles.

Course, back then, Black Politicians such as the Labour MP Bernie Grant could find racist undertones in practically anything voiced by a White person. Laud on the other hand, appears to have almost revelled in being in such a tiny minority within such an inherently, albeit covertly racist, elite institution.

Laud drew even more attention to himself, by becoming the first and only black member of the Monday Club, an ultra right wing Conservative Party pressure group which supported repatriation of immigrants and the apartheid regime in South Africa.

Interestingly enough, South Africa is where the vile Paedophile is residing at this moment in time, presumably having buggered off over there as the pressure on him mounted over here in the UK.

As a footnote to the Monday Club, it is most interesting to note that the current Home Secretary, Theresa May  once described the club as covertly racist. Party Chairman May is currently under fire from pressure groups who accuse her of breaking many Human-Rights laws and discriminating against British citizens who are married to non E.U members. I have actually been singled out and asked to report on these new immigration laws that were implemented on July 9 2012. Unfortunately, whilst not wanting to trivialise the issue – since it is anything but that – there are much more urgent issues that have been passed my way that need dealing with. And as such, I just don’t have the time.

Another prominent Monday Club member was the now disgraced Billericay MP Harvey Proctor  who resigned his seat following a scandal that involved rent boys and spanking… Choice.

Proctor spent a year on the dole following the perverted scandal before opening a shirt shop in which he hung a sign reading, ‘Shirtlifters Will Not Be Prosecuted’.

The disgraced former MP had set up this venture after his former colleagues from parliamentary Lala nonceland had financially backed him to the tune of £75,000,  some of which came from Jeffrey Archerand the then deputy prime minister Michael Heseltine. Hmmm, not the first time then, that ‘Tarzan’ has been mentioned in this article.

The shirt emporium has now long since closed. Since then, very little has been heard of Proctor. However, after receiving an Email, from a helpful reader, it would seem that the pervert is now manager of the Duke of Rutland’s ancestral seat, Belvoir (pronounced Beaver) Castle, and lives in a large country house in the grounds of the 18,000-acre estate near Grantham, Lincolnshire.

The 365-room castle is hired out for corporate entertaining, ‘private parties’ and concerts. It has also been used as a backdrop for TV and Hollywood films – Catherine Zeta-Jones filmed The Haunting there”.

It would therefore appear that Harvey wallbanger is still being looked after.

Right, lets get back to that vile Nonce Laud.

The fact that he had been given the nickname ‘Golly’, didn’t appear to bother Laud one bit. In fact, according to an interview that appeared in the Independent Newspaper in 2009, Laud was quoted as saying: “My nickname is Golly, but I don’t insist on it”.

In 1997 Laud was selected as the Tory candidate to challenge the afore mentioned Bernie Grant for the safe Labour Party seat of Tottenham. However, Laud stepped down shortly before the election was held citing “business reasons“.

Having said that, according to the BBC, the real reason Laud dropped out of the running was due to the political lobbyist having been convicted of drink driving while on holiday in America.

Following the crash which saw the four passengers in the other car hospitalised – 3 of whom were seriously hurt – Laud, who it was also alleged had no driving licence, became the subject of a $5 Million lawsuit.

Bernie Grant has since died. It is however, synonymous with the corruption taking place within the halls of Parliament that so much information held within the National Archives relating to him, is not due for public release until at least 2092.

That is not to say that Bernie Grant was involved in corruption. On the contrary, with Grant now being dead the need for secrecy would suggest that it was those opposed to Grant, such as the MP Michael Howard (good friend to Laud) and the Metropolitan Police who were the ones up to no good.

That would also be in keeping with the majority of the top secret information pertaining to the conviction and subsequent acquittal of Winston Silcott  for the murder of PC Keith Blakelock, as well as  the Met’s mishandling of the Broadwater Farm riots.

Other heavily censored information involving Grant that’s not due for release for at least another 80 years, relates to the arrest and subsequent death of Joy Gardener… But I digress.

It was in the early 1990’s that Laud had established a successful parliamentary lobbying company named Ludgate Laud. This was achieved in no small part, thanks to what was said to be his close association with leading Tory Party members such as Michael Portillo.

As a parliamentary lobbyist, Laud was mentioned in the Commons by Labour MP Martin Linton in his maiden parliamentary speech.

Laud, never the less disgraced himself after becoming caught up in the ‘Cash for Questions’ row that eventually wrecked the Tory MP Neil Hamilton’s, political career. Laud later provided the Hamilton’s with an alibi after they were accused of sexually assaulting a woman in 2001

What you will notice as this story unfolds, is the way that the same names crop up time and time again. For instance, in 1992 Neil Hamilton and Harvey Proctor were the victims of two ‘Gay bashers’.

Course, Laud is still to this very day, very good friends with the sleazy Hamilton’s. Their long  friendship had first begun in the early 1980’s when Laud had worked for Strategy Network International (SNI), a lobbying company linked with apartheid South Africa and UNITA, the Angolan armed opposition group.

It would seem that Laud had recommended the recruitment of both Neil Hamilton  and his fellow Tory MP Michael Colvin  as consultants for SNI.

The website Powerbase Info has this to say on the matter:

In the late 1980s and early 1990s Strategy Network International paid for Conservative MPs to visit South Africa. Conservative MPs Neil Hamilton and Michael Colvin both failed to declare the trips on the members register of interests. Current Prime Minister David Cameron also took advantage of a Strategy Network International trip to South Africa in 1989. The trip was offered to the Conservative Research Department by Derek Laud, who was employed by SNI and was later a contestant on the reality tv series Big Brother.

Hold up! Did that just say that our Prime Minister also went on an all expenses paid holiday to South Africa courtesy of old Laudy boy? Well, well, well.

I shall return to this relationship between a dangerous predatory paedophile and the current gatekeeper to Lala Nonceland in due course. And let’s be very clear here. Laud is indeed a very dangerous predatory paedophile. Have you anything to say to that David?

Hmmm, I rather thought you might say that.

The Cuthulan Blog (A Scottish Barrister apparently) has this to say about Laud and Michael Colvin:

Derek Laud
Now defunct magazine Scallywag covered events at Bryn Alyn in detail, some years ago.The magazine alleged that one of the men referred to is Lord McAlpine, at the time of the offences treasurer of the governing Conservative Party. Another regular participant in the activities at Bryn Clwyd was alleged by Scallywag to be Derek Laud, for years a leading mover and shaker in successive Conservative administrations.
Scallywag alleged that Laud was a sadist, who was particularly violent and without mercy in his treatment of the boys. The magazine alleged that on regular occasions his victims would end up in casualty wards. He was a leading political fixer and adviser to Margaret Thatcher although never an MP; indeed he was pictured waving down to the crowds below from an upstairs window of 10 Downing Street as the Conservatives celebrated their 1988 election victory.
The former children connected with this empire of evil who died in mysterious circumstances may have been murdered by the British security services, the price of their silence their lives. Scallywag alleged that MI5 used to take foreign diplomats etc. to the North Wales homes, give them boys to “play” with, secretly filmed them as they buggered, abused and tortured boys then kept the tapes as evidence.

Michael Brown is one of the very few Conservative MP’s who volunteered to “out” himself as gay. Derek Laud, now standing for parliament, (against Bernie Grant in North London) ran a Pimlico PR agency called Ludgate Communications (later Ludgate Laud) for a number of years which supplied young boys for selected Parliamentarians from children’s homes now being investigated in North Wales. He sometimes did this in cahoots with Ian Greer Associates which has since been scandalised because of the Neil Hamilton Affair and payment for questions on behalf of Al Fayed.
Ludgate Communications was at the very hub of our investigation into the “boys for questions” allegations. At his Pimlico flat, and selected addresses in Dolphin Square nearby, Laud threw paedophile parties and we have one sworn affidavit from a former boy (presently giving evidence in Wales) who claims he was seriously molested (among many others) by Lord McAlpine who was at the time the Tory party’s clandestine fund raiser. It was alleged by this boy and others that Messrs Portillo and Lilley were also guests of Derek Laud. We are assured that this particular volcano is about to erupt, both in North Wales and elsewhere. Michael Portillo has always publicly disassociated himself from Derek Laud, yet here we find him not only acquainted but seemingly in the inner sanctum of private friends.

Michael Colvin
Colvin was associated closely with several other Conservative ‘people’ on the right wing of the party including Julian Lewis who is said to be involved with a number of international right wing ‘covert’ groups linked with high finance, and arms dealing.
Colvin was also associated with two allegedly corrupt and discredited former Parliamentary Lobbyists, Ian Greer (cash for questions) and Derek Laud (Wikipedia/Derek Laud) (Cash for Knighthoods aka Cash for Rent boys).

In the early months of 2003, just prior to the questionable invasion of Iraq, and working in conjunction with a London-based freelance journalist who had thoroughly double-checked exposures published by the Scottish ‘Sunday Herald’ newspaper, I publicised details of a child-sex ring linked to senior ministers within the Blair government.

I initially published my findings, stemming from discreet leaks from a secret list provided by the American FBI to the ‘Sunday Times’ newspaper, and concomitantly discovered that Tony Blair had issued a gagging order to suppress all further discussion of a scandal that would most certainly have brought a swift end to his administration and made Britain’s collusion in the destruction of Iraq impossible.

You can find out more about those notorious Dolphin Square flats here:

Course, the cash for questions scandal should have been enough to make all of our honest MP’s cut their ties with Laud. Unfortunately, we don’t have any honest MP’s and as I always say, birds of a feather flock together. So much so in fact, that Laud would often go on holiday with the likes of Lord Alistair McAlpine, Peter Lilley and Michael Portillo to name but a few… Although, McAlpine and Portillo have already been mentioned.

Then in 1999, Scallywag Magazine ran an article linking both Laud and McAlpine to a paedophile ring who were systematically raping boys in children’s homes across North Wales. Course, most of you already know this, but for those who don’t, here is what the Online publishing Co has to say about the vile Nonce McAlpine:

Since 1999 many stories have been written about the paedophile activities of Lord Alistair McAlpine of the famous UK construction and road building family. Scallywag accused him, several times, of being involved in a paedophile ring (including his part in the child abuse scandal in North Wales), and also of masterminding the huge, multi-million pound money laundering operation behind the Tory party during the Thatcher years, when he was her party treasurer.

He is known to the police in the UK and abroad for sexually abusing young boys, including using a coffin to put the boy in, then simulating burying him by sprinkling gravel on the top of the coffin. The child is screaming with terror and will do whatever he is told, due to being so scared of being put in the coffin again.

This person is alleged to have murdered at least two boys and buried their bodies on his estate. This information is derived from a police officer who was involved in investigating McAlpine, and he is certain that McAlpine has committed murder several times, but that McAlpine is too “well-protected” to get him.

Course, anyone who was innocent of such outrageous allegations would have sued… Or so you would have thought. But neither Laud nor McAlpine sued Scallywag Magazine.

However, Lauds great pal John Major did. But that was over a totally unrelated story that the magazine had also published. He one two… Sorry, I meant he won too. Scallywag had in fact accused the Ex Prime Minister of shagging some old slapper from the Downing Street catering corps.

Major was outraged, and quite rightly fucking so in my book. John boy likes to be unfaithful with a better class of old slapper than a common Kitchen assistant. And, the Old Slapper in question was none other than his fellow MP,  Edwina Currie , who, just like Jiggedy Johnny, also happened to be married… Shlaggg.

Course, within the past few months, Scallywags allegations have re-surfaced following the Jimmy Savile revelations. And despite McAlpine not suing Scallywag back in 99, he’s suing every bastard in the world this time around – or so it would appear.

I say that because the whole public display leading up to all this libel action old bollocks, is what is commonly known as an Act of Parliament… Or put another way, nothing more than transparent make believe, played out by an old nonce, who was once big in the Thatcher government.

Never the less that was a long time ago and Mac Alpen is now only big in the belly. Belly McAlpine’s Co- Star in this comedy of errors is,  Long Tall Silly Sally Bercow – who was never really big in anything other than shoe size. Having said that, Lord McNincompoop is still going to sue her for £50,000… Probably

“So where is Silly’s parliamentary connection you ask”? Good question.

Silly’s connection to Parliament stems from the fact that she married John Bercow, an odious little man, who went on to become, and still is, the speaker of the House of Commons.

Uninterestingly enough, the Silly – Johnny love match started off on a sour note after Silly battered her new husband senseless (it only took one slap apparently, but to be fair, Little-Legs didn’t have much sense to begin with).

Now, you may remember that I said a couple of months ago that I didn’t trust Silly and that the whole scenario just didn’t ring true.

This was based on the fact that, Johnny Little – Legs, and Belly McAlpine were both in Slaggy Thatchers government and as such, I find it inconceivable that the two Freemasons don’t know each other.

By the same token, I also refuse to believe that Little-Legs having attained such a senior post within politics hasn’t – at the very least – heard of Parliamentary Lala Nonceland and those politicians who spend a considerable amount of time there.

I still stick by that belief. However, so as we are all up to speed, I best give you a quick reminder of the facts leading up to this libel action although I know that I’m going to regret doing so. Why?  Because the facts are too fucking unbelievable to recount. Never the less, here we go:

In November 2012, a fat old paedophile named Alistair McAlpine doesn’t get named in the press as the man who is supposedly going to be named in the soon to be broadcast, BBC TV program ‘Newsnight’. Predictably he wasn’t named when the program aired either so no one knew it was he. Yet, the next thing we know his names is all over the front pages of the newspapers.

So who leaked the name?

Well I would imagine that it was arranged by none other than Nonce McAlpine himself since the resulting comedy of errors, followed to a T, his own method for manipulating public opinion. Fuck me, he had even scripted the method in his book, The New Machiavelli: The Art of Politics in Business.

So there he was, all fat and outraged at not being named, with his trusted  Solicitor, Andy Capp who was equally outraged… At least, I think that’s his solicitors name. Then again, as people with nothing better to do than nitpick keep pointing out; I’m crap with names.

Anyway, Andy Capp announced that he had drawn up a list of those who had libelled Nonce McAlpine and was about too commence libel proceedings against the culprits. The list apparently included; 30 grazillion billion million Tweeters, Seventy Ninety unnamed persons, 2 or 3  others,  2 tv stations, 1 Silly Bercow and a partridge in a Yewtree.

I also assume – although it wasn’t actually stated –  that an amnesty was granted to us here in the alternative media. I say that because without sounding as if I’m blowing my own trumpet, bearing in mind the fact that I don’t own one, I haven’t heard a fucking dickie bird, let alone received a letter of intent from Andy Pandy Andy Capp, or whatever the fuck his name is.

I find that strange because I’m pretty positive McAlpine has heard of me. And, to be fair, I did say a lot, lot worse about him than what the Tweeters did.

Course,I suppose that McAlpol could have been pretending that he hadn’t heard of me – though god knows why he would with such a watertight case. Never the less, no one could possibly believe that he hadn’t heard of David Icke.

David, as I’m sure I don’t need to tell you, probably has more visitors to his site per day than the combined number of those following the 30 grazillion billion million Tweeters who allegedly libelled McAlpine… And David didn’t get a handy Andy letter either. Now, since David also published on his site all of the extremely libellous things that I called McAlpine…  It kinda blows any excuse for Andy Capp not sending me a letter out of the water, don’t cha think.

Therefore, since David, Myself and a handful of others in the AM, who cast dispersions on the good Lords name didn’t get a letter, there must have been an amnesty? Fair comment?

Never the less, the 2 TV stations, who on the other hand, didn’t name McAlpine as being a nonce. And, who I best not name in case I get solicited, paid the good Lord a combined total of over 300 hundred grand to ease the pain he was caused by not being named in the first place.

And this was despite the fact that the two TV stations have the cash to fight a libel case – which couldn’t have taken place anyway because they didn’t name him and by not fucking doing so, Lard McAlpine had no basis to commence a trial in the first fucking place… Phew.

Never the less,even if McAlpine could have managed to persuade the courts to hear the libel case against the two unmentionable TV Stations, he wouldn’t have proceeded anyway.

Why not?

Well, basically,because the nonce isn’t a fool and as such he knows that they would have used a defence that would more than likely have won them the case anyway. In doing so, they would have cost McAlpine his money as well as his reputation, which he had already lost fucking years ago, and saved themselves a packet by not having to pay him the compensation that they had already paid him, even though they had no need too… Memo to self: Stop using such long fucking sentences you cunt.

However, do you see how confusing things get when people are inherently dishonest?

Still, with Twitters by the dozen getting their Twitters in a twist, McAlpipe – no doubt buoyed by the success he’d had with the two TV stations, who had suspiciously rolled over far too easily – inexplicably let them off… Is everyone up to speed now, because I have to tell you, I don’t ever want to have to recap this fucking story again… Good.

Meanwhile, Silly [Ber]cow – no doubt by now fraught with worry at the way that Noncey McAlpine wasn’t relentlessly pursuing the Twits – panicked, and promptly announced in the press: “I don’t have money to contest a multi-millionaire. Lord McA falsely accused but not by me”.

And, with that being the case, she stated that she had decided to settle out of court.

However, the fact that she hadn’t named McAlpine as being a nonce either, meant that her decision to also roll over just didn’t add up.

You see, what you have to remember is that Silly also had quite a privileged upbringing and had been involved in politics, one way or another, for all her entire adult life.

She is also well known for the copious amounts of alcohol that she consumes and is also a bit of an old slapper – or at least she was – having, by her own admission, enjoyed many a one night stand. In other words, Silly isn’t backward at coming forward.

Moreover, Silly works within the world of the media and as such, she should be quite well clued up on what would constitute as being libellous and what wouldn’t.

Add to that mix her feistiness – the midget dumped her a few times for being too argumentative – as well as her penchant for taking the right fucking piss out of the tax payer; and you too will hopefully see what I mean about her decision to roll over so easily not making sense.

However, just to clarify what I mean by saying that she has a penchant for taking the right fucking piss out of the tax payer: Silly, Despite her thieving husband being embroiled in the parliamentary expenses scandal a few years back, still spent £45,000 of your money refurbishing the ‘grace and favour’ Speaker’s apartment located in the Palace of Westminster, which the Bercow’s have the luxury of calling home.

Silly tried to justify this £45,000  piss take by claiming that much was spent on routine maintenance such as safety and heating. Another large chunk apparently went into the “big iron planters on the terrace in order to stop her children falling into the Thames” – wouldn’t that come under the banner of safety then? Lets not forget the expense of new window locks and other precautions to make the august rooms suitable for the under fives – fuck knows what ‘August rooms’ are.

And, as Silly is quick to point out, the major spend on redecoration arose because their autistic son was disturbed by the heavy red décor – “It really did bother him a lot, otherwise we would not have asked for the change”.

Oh, well that’s OK then Silly.

Course, we mere mortals have to pay for all that shit ourselves… In fact, is she taking the right fucking piss or what?

I certainly have to say, that marrying Sleazy – whom I believe was at one time or another one of the seven dwarves but nowadays just stands on a chair all day shouting “Order, Order” – was certainly one of the best days work she ever did.

Then, the next thing we know, Silly tells Belly McAlcopop to go and fuck himself and she wont pay him a penny. This spurs Handy Andy into action, who immediately files a libel claim against Silly in the High Court for £50,000. And that is the last we heard on the matter. I will however, assume that her husband John will not be attending the High Court with his wife, since he can’t go anywhere that is remotely high, what with him only 2ft 3ins tall.

And still I’m not buying it, I’m afraid to say. I would suggest that if this charade is allowed to play out, then it will only be to put a stop to everyone cottoning on to the fact that despite McAlpines hot air, no one has in fact actually been sued. The government certainly don’t want anyone cottoning on to that fact, that is for sure.

“Yes Chris, but what the fuck has this got to do with Derek Laud apart from McAlpoop and him both being named as pond-life paedophiles by Scallywag in 1999”?

Well, the simple answer is “fuck all” really. Unless of course, Laudy Laudy Miss Claudy knows John Bercow.

Okay, and does he?

Of course he fucking does. The following is what Laud said about the Midget in an interview with the Daily Mail back in June 2011:

“Let me put my hand up and admit I once rather liked the Speaker John Bercow, or, more precisely, I felt inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

But that was many years ago. I have known him for 20 years or more and we share the dubious history of having both been members of the Right-wing Conservative Monday Club”.

Twenty fucking years! Fuck me, that is way before 1999… There’s no flies on me .

It does kinda add credence to what I’m saying about the midget knowing all about McAlpines penchant for raping children though, doesn’t it?

Now, you would have thought that Laud would definitely have been a political pariah after being named in Scallywag?

Apparently not.

In 1999, Laud was appointed the first black master of foxhounds for the New Forest Hunt. After being awarded this honour, he was reported in the Telegraph Newspaper as saying: “I don’t think the hunt are conscious of the colour of my skin”.

His hunting activity was also the subject of an anecdote told by Aldershot MP Gerald Howarth in March 2005.

Howarth, who described the odious nonce as being “as black as the ace of spades”, said that some hunt saboteurs had challenged Laud, claiming that 100 years ago, the ancestors of the other huntsman would have been hunting him. However, far from being offended, Laud had allegedly responded by saying “100 years ago my ancestors would have been eating you”.

Course, we all know that Fox Hunting is known as being the sport of Kings. Quite appropriate really, since the pastime isn’t really a sport; but  is really cruel and barbaric.

Furthermore, with Laud being so highly thought of amongst those taking part in the sport of Kings, it is only natural that he should be friends with one. Well, the wife of a King in waiting… You really couldn’t make this shit up, don’t cha know.

It would appear that Laudy boy is in fact very good friends with Camilla Parker Horseface. Course, that fact should hardly be surprising when you take in to account what we know about her Husband, Big Ears.

The Daily Mail had this to say on the matter:

Tory Big Brother contestant Derek Laud is acquainted with the Duchess of Cornwall, it has emerged.

The 40-year-old, who became the first and only black master of foxhounds in 1999, is believed to have got to know Camilla thanks to their shared love of hunting.

The pair even holidayed together in Tuscany, Italy, last year with Sir John Mortimer’s wife Penny, it was reported to the Sun newspaper.

A Clarence House spokesman said: “They may well have come across each other.” But he added: “They certainly haven’t been on holiday.”

And here’s what the Guardian had to say on the matter:

The sight of a new collection of misfits – including a highly articulate, black, gay Tory, Derek Laud, who once worked with Margaret Thatcher and has been photographed on the arm of Camilla Parker Bowles – was enough to send ITV’s Celebrity Love Island into ratings meltdown.

Course, when it comes to finding the afore mentioned photo; you have no chance. In fact, photos of Laud pictured with Camilla Parker Horse Face, as well as with John Major, and David Cameron, are rarer than rocking horse shit. Unsurprisingly, each time that I tried to Google such photographs, the following message would flash up:

In response to a legal request submitted to Google, we have removed 4 result(s) from this page.

In fact, Google anything to do with Derek Laud and you will find that msg flash up.

Do you get the feeling that your once high powered friends are finally distancing themselves from you Derek Old Chap?

You fucking should do you cunt, since all references to you are fast disappearing off the internet. Even more so when it comes down to references about you and your once great mate David Cameron… Ya fucking pair of Smegheads.

The first of these references to go were those on Laud’s wiki page.

Course, the internet is a big place and with a bit of digging I was able to find the vile man’s blog. He calls it Black & Blue, which I will begrudgingly say is a good name although I would also love to see him beaten that way.

On his blog, Laud describes himself as being a Broadcaster, Author, Writer and TV Personality. Here is what he says about Cameron:

I can remember it as if it was yesterday, but in fact the year was 1996. The envelope was pristine white and the handwriting unmistakable. When I opened the invitation to David and Samantha Cameron’s wedding I was overjoyed, doubly so because I had known Sam’s family for much longer than I had known David’s. This was the wedding of the year.

I first met David Cameron in 1988. He was working in the Conservative Research Department and there he was spotted early as a rising star. I was working in the House of Commons and was not spotted for anything other than for the fact that I was black. David and I hit it off instantly. In those days he had a good sense of humour and we shared many politically incorrect jokes of the kind that we might be sent to the ‘tower’ for today. In those days we joshed each other more often than we ever discussed anything particularly seriously. He was such fun and we had more than politics in commonWe both loved the country and rural pursuits. We shared a love of good food and wine.

On one occasion in the fashionable Caprice restaurant, Jeffrey Archer passed our table, held his nose and opened his lungs and at the top of his voice said, ‘Ah, the workers: how can you afford to eat here?’ David laughed, but I told Archer to ‘sling his hook’. It turned out this was one of the essential differences between David and me, -. He was always careful to get on well with those in a position to prefer him. Through me, David met some future cabinet Ministers and my revolving table included the likes of Michael Portillo, Francis Maude and Peter Lilley. I cued them all and told them all the same thing, ‘This is the future’, a phrase that David was to use years later and effectively against Tony Blair…Read more

So, after reading that you have to ask yourself just why the fuck the references to Cameron have now been removed from Laud’s Wiki page? The fucking answer is obvious to me, what about you?

Or perhaps David would be so kind as to enlighten you?

Thank you David.

Course, the references have only been disappearing over the past couple of months. Up until then Laud had inexplicably remained as popular as ever.

It is in fact fair to say, that Laud was even popular with the general public after he appeared in the reality TV show, Big Brother in 2005.

After he left the house, he could often be seen out and about with celebrities such as Cilla Black, the boxer Chris Eubanks and TV Gardener, Alan Titchmarsh.

Fair to say then, that 2005 – 2006 were busy years all round for Del boy. He appeared on the TV show ‘Celebrity who wants to be a millionaire’ partnering John Majors old squeeze, Edwina Currie. He was also on the panel of Question Time as well as a guest on the Graham Norton show, to name but a few. And lets not forget his appearance on Gordon Ramsey’s, ‘Hells Kitchen’, where he was filmed dinning with his very good friends, Neil & Christine Hamilton.

In 2007, an article that appeared in the Daily Mail proves that Laud was still highly regarded in the world of politics. Here’s what the newspaper said:

 “Last year, I was asked to put my hat into the ring for the Tory nomination for London Mayor. I considered it seriously but told the then party chairman that I was more interested in national issues”.

You can find further reports about this on the Anorack website or in the Sun Newspaper.

The Party Chairman in 2007 would have been Francis Maude, who unsurprisingly was also a big knob in Slaggy Thatcher’s government.  Maude also had very close ties to known paedophiles Sir Peter Robinson and Slimeball Portillo. And wouldn’t you know it; the thieving cunt was also accused of fiddling his expenses – but predictably, let off.

You can find more nonsense involving Laud and Maude (Laud & Maude, I like that, well done me), in another article from the Sun, entitled ‘Pimp my Party’. Why alarms bells were not going off in Wapping as the Sun went to print with this shit, I will never know… Then again, perhaps I do.

Do you know what people? As I write this stuff, I find myself becoming angrier and angrier as I go along. What the fuck is wrong with you lot? Why on earth would you want to be governed by a bunch of Corrupt, Thieving, Murdering Child Rapists? Especially when the alternative will give you an infinitely better quality of life for fucks sake?

And, breath….

Now, as I said a little while ago, references to the Vile Nonce and his equally Vile Nonce Political friends, have only started disappearing off the web since mid November. Where as to my mind, had his associates been innocent then the latest that they should have disassociated themselves from him was in the mid 1990’s when he was caught up in the ‘cash for questions’ scandal. The fact that they didn’t do and neither did they when he was the subject of the Scallywag article, strongly suggests to me that all those ‘friends’ of his are vile Nonces too. It is in fact, my firm belief that Laud’s role, is very much the same as Jimmy Saviles role. I.E, he is a fixer for the elite. Both of the sick fucks were in fact very much the same, in so much as they were both way over the top in all they did.

Incredibly, Laud seems to have the right fucking hump with Cameron now that the smarmy cunt of a Prime Minister is finally distancing himself from him. At least that would appear to be the case judging by Lauds tweets about him… Yes, I finally had to lower myself and have a Butchers at Lauds Twitter page.

What is breath taking about the Cunt Cameron is that he has young kids of his own. Yet the arsehole is protecting child rapists and child murderers. This is not a fucking game here. This is a serious fucking matter that needs resolving now.

Mind you, Cam & Sam (I like that one too. Go me), his wife were once out and forgot that they had one of their kids with them and as such, left the poor girl in the pub. Imagine how quick the Social Services would have been on our backs if we had done that… Fucking twats, I fucking despise the scum bags I really do… In case you hadn’t noticed.

Anyway, returning to Lauds Twitter page @DerekLaud1. Funnily enough, practically all references to my article for which he called me certifiable for writing about him, have been removed by the nonce. Never the less, there is still a lot to be gained from looking at his Twitter page.

I have actually, print screened some of his more ‘interesting’ Tweets at the end of this article for you to have a butchers at. His Twitter page was also how I found out that he had fucked off to South Africa.

Now, as usually seems to be the case when I write long articles, a coincidence of some kind or other usually happens. This article was no different.

What happened in this instance was that, on the same day that I had discovered Laud was in South Africa, my friend, Caroline Hurry,  a travel journalist  told me Laud was on the board of Directors of a holiday company called ‘The Roving Ambassador’, owned by a fella called Andrew Shapland .

Apparently, this info about Laud’s whereabouts was fairly common knowledge amongst some South African mainstream media hacks.

Anyway, after discussing the situation, it seems Caroline was elected to bring Laud’s vile history to Andrew Shapland’s attention.

She  did so, and  by way of return,  received a prompt email in response from Andrew, who expressed his shock and to his credit, acted immediately to have Laud Ass removed.

As you might have expected, Andrew had marked the email  as being ‘without prejudice’, although it is clear by the content of the message that  he is keen to disassociate his Company,Roving Ambassador as far away from Laud as possible.

In the email, marked as being ‘without prejudice’, Andrew stated :

Derek is not a mainline board member rather an “advisory” body in international communications and government.

In so saying naturally no decent person or company would be associated with the “activities” contained in these articles and I find it disgusting as would all of my colleagues and associates…

… In the meantime I have requested in the best interests of all concerned the profile on our website to be suspended. That should be being actioned as we speak. If true it is deplorable and disgusting, but as yet I assume it has to be proven, in a court of law.

For her part, Caroline is convinced that Andrew was genuinely shocked to hear about Laud’s sordid past, albeit  a little astonished he had hired a person without checking his background thoroughly when a brief google search revelas plenty about Laud.

I cannot personally comment on the subject, being as I didn’t speak to him. However, when I looked on the company’s Twitter page, I immediately noticed the following Tweets:

Now, after a bit of investigation, it became very clear to me that the “John Brown” in question is actually Lord John Browne. This would make sense since Lord Browne, is as perverted as Laud. The fact that these two perverts are ‘holidaying’ together should come as no surprise since they are both on the Board of Directors at Stanhope Capital.

Browne was forced to resign from his post as the CEO at BP over his torrid affair with a Rent Boy named Jeff Chevalier, who Browne used to take to dinner parties at Tony Blair’s house. Blair, as you should know isn’t opposed to indulging in sex with Rent Boys himself. The following is taken from a Daily Mail article about Browne and the Male Prostitute:

The cosy dinner for Tony Blair in the summer of 2005 came amid a seemingly endless merry-go-round of dinners, lunches, soirees and parties that Mr Chevalier was summoned to by his tycoon lover, 34 years his senior.

He was flaunted before business and political contacts, diplomats and artists; there were holidays in private compounds in Barbados and opera in Salzburg and Venice (enjoyed alongside Prince and Princess Michael of Kent in their private box).

In Venice, Mr Chevalier would find himself chinking glasses with Elton John and Jude Law…

…”We shook hands and were introduced in the drawing room. We stood there chatting in a group of four. I remember looking at Mr Blair and thinking that he hides his extra weight really well.

He also has the eyes of someone who never sleeps. He was also taller than he looked on TV and there was a slightly religious tone to the conviction with which he spoke about things.

On speaking to me, Tony would call me by name and clarify for my sake certain things which were said regarding business and politics which I might not have understood.

“When business between Tony and John got a bit more private, Anji spoke with me to allow the two to talk. He shook my hand goodbye and said that it was nice to meet me – and called me by my name again, which I appreciated.”

Mr Chevalier found himself on the Blair Christmas card list – the handwritten greeting going out ‘to John and Jeff’…

… ”Lady McAlpine, David Furnish and Elton John, US Congressmen and Senators, the heads of Corporations, Jude Law and Sienna Miller and countless other notables would approach us – or on rare occasions we would approach them – and these pool afternoons would turn into business meetings, albeit on a casual level.

“There was no enjoyment in sitting by the Cipriani pool in the company of John because of the constant intrusions.”

Travelling with Lord Browne usually meant going by private jet, as the Labour peer was not a fan of travelling on commercial airlines.

Even when given five-star treatment by leading carriers, Lord Browne was constantly monitoring whether some other VIP was receiving greater pampering than him…

… Social contacts might be Hugh Grant and Jemima Khan one evening, Ronald Lauder of the EstÇe Lauder dynasty the next, or Michael Portillo the next.

A dinner and lunch guest was Peter Mandelson, a former Cabinet member and now a European Union Trade Commissioner. He arrived for dinner with his own long-time partner, Brazilian Reinaldo da Silva.

Mr Chevalier recalls: “There were only the four of us and I remember thinking the moment I met them what an odd couple they were. Peter was very smooth and charming, appearing to hang on John’s every word”…

…”John and I would see Michael Winner on many occasions but never speak with him,” he says.

“He was certainly loud enough. Whether in Barbados, the Cipriani or in a restaurant in London, we would often encounter the sound of his voice ruining the mood of whichever place we were in.

“While in Venice he spent a great deal of time dictating instructions and memos to his secretary on his mobile while lying like a beached whale by the pool.”

Sport was also had with Conrad Black, the former newspaper proprietor now facing trial in America for alleged financial wrongdoing, whom Mr Chevalier met at a party held by Sir Ronald Cohen, boss of Apax Partners venture capitalists, and an adviser to Gordon Brown.

Mr Chevalier says: “John and I were introduced to Conrad Black and his wife Barbara Amiel at Ronnie Cohen’s 60th in the South of France. The gossip from everyone was “why was Black here?”

Hmmm, there are some familiar names amongst that lot isn’t there?

Unsurprisingly, Browne is also very, very closely connected to the Royal Family. Equally unsurprisingly, he is also great friends with Cameron… Hmmm. Anything to say about that David?

Yes, I guessed you would say that.

Another extremely well connected ‘Bod’ who according to the Roving Ambassadors Twitter page, Laudy boy was due to visit just after Christmas, was the Tory Peer Lord Glendonbrook AKA Michael Bishop (see above tweet). What the openly gay lord doesn’t have investments in is not worth investing in.

According to the Birmingham Post, Bishop was at number 27 on the ‘Rich List’, this time last year.

And of course; it goes without saying that our honourable PM, the Cunt Cameron was also up to some skulduggery with Bishop. At least that is according to the Daily Mirror:

Mr Cruddas’ attendance was not detailed in the list of donors’ meetings with the PM released last week. The tycoon even claimed to have served a curry to Mr Cameron’s wife, Samantha, his dinner companion during the bash in October.

Other occasions involving Mr Cruddas and the PM include a dinner in Belgrave Square, Central London, on Mr Cameron’s birthday and a meal at a house in Chelsea, West London, with 25 “big hedge fund guys”. According to Mr Cruddas, the PM also joined him at events at art dealer Ivor Braka’s plush house in Cadogan Square, in Knightsbridge, West London, a separate do at Woburn Abbey, Bedfordshire, and a “top secret” private dinner where “all the top people” were invited to thank them for five years of supporting the Tories.

Speaking to undercover reporters, Mr Cruddas said his job was “to get the donors in front of the Prime Minister”.

Mr Cruddas also said he nearly won a £1million donation from Australia-based tycoonLord Glendonbrook. To try to seal the deal Mr Cruddas went to Sydney with a birthday card signed by the PM.

I wonder what Davey Boy has to say about that. Now, I understand that he’s in a meeting with Nick Clegg at the moment, but I’m sure he won’t mind commenting. So, Dave, have you any thing to say on the matter?

Golly. Thank’s Dave, Thank’s Nick. Carry on. After all, you’re only doing  what you have been doing to us for years.

The truth is; its all very well me making light of the situation, but this is a truly serious matter. Your kids didn’t asked to be born and by burying your head in the sand and hoping for the best, will not change things for the better.

Grow up, wise up and stand up. You owe your kids that much at the very least.

Until the next time,

Much love,