What The Monkeys Said


Christopher Spivey.


Shall we have a butchers at what passes for world news as told by the Monkey’s employed at the Daily Chimpanzee?

Of course we fucking shall.

And what has now become par for the course following the release of a new article on this site, the Twatmanian-Devils have to Satanically connect the content with their own – which in this instance is my article “How The West Was Won Part 6” which they responded to thus:

Course, if you have read my latest article then you will instantly grasp the significance of those two articles. On the other hand, if you haven’t you won’t and I am fucked if I am going to tell you.

Moving on and the Monkey-Kuntz are filling their shit-rag with ‘news’ about the “royal wedding” in the hope of generating some enthusiasm for Monsters Inc… Which I am happy to say that despite the primates best efforts, the public simply do not like Mental Meghan Markle or Monsters Inc as a whole.

Course, whilst that fact is somewhat uplifting the downside is that people still have not cottoned on to the fact that Meghan Markle is a created persona… Like Diana before her, she is not a real person, but a series of actresses and faked photos giving her ‘life’.

Mind you, I have to admit that the Monsters giving the construct a dysfunctional family was an excellent way to hoodwink the public into believing that she really exists. I mean, just this week, Smeghan’s made-up half-brother Thomas Hollander Markle has penned an open letter – given to the press – telling Prick Henry what a cunt his half sister is:

And if that is too difficult for you to read, here is the transcript:

Now if you really think that Mental Markle would be allowed to join the wanks of the Royal Inbreeds with baggage like that then you are dumber than a dumb cunt… Yet giving Mental Meghan a redneck family is what makes her believable in the eyes of the dumb-fuck public.

Indeed, to further give her a past life the Chimp has just this last week unearthed some more photos of Meghan in her youth.

Course it isn’t hard to spot that the photo is fake as fuck even disregarding the locker handles.

And I still maintain that most of Meghan’s childhood photos come from photos of Karis Jagger.

Shall we debunk some more?

Yes, why the fuck not aye.

Now in this photo we get two Meghans for the price of one with the short Meghan having faked hair to hide the neck join. The two hands on tall Meghans back are clearly faked (blow them up large and see for yourself) and the counter top line between the two pairs is blatantly drawn in.

And in this next photo it is equally blatantly obvious that Meghan’s head has been added to somebody elses body.

Once again, you only need blow up the photo to see the proof of that fact.

Slapdash work at best and as I always say; why the need to fake if she is real?

Indeed, if this charade was real, Prick Henry would have been given a ‘suitable’ bride and allowed to carry on a relationship with Mental Meghan behind his wife’s back with her full blessing.

Mind you, given what I have documented in the recent past about the royal family just being a series of actors it wouldn’t surprise me if Henry was in fact a Rothschild:

He certainly has the look of one.

Nevertheless, to remove any doubt in your mind that Renault Meghan is a real person, read my long, very detailed article “Who Is Meghan Markle“.

And in other Chimp ‘world news’, it would seem that some journalists have been murdered in Afghanistan in a bomb blast powerful enough to kill people but not blow camera stands over.

It’s no fucking wonder that story disappeared so quickly. And in a major story that ran for a lot longer, some mush upset a ‘new mother’ by comparing her baby to an uncooked chicken.

No doubt that had the brain-dead up in arms.

Meanwhile, some immigrants – one of them pregnant – were able to scale a fence impossible to scale in order to cross the Mexican border into America.

Shouldn’t that read “illegal” immigrants?

No sign of the four year old climbing over either! Yet although it would appear that the press were there to witness the old bollox, the border plod were not… Very fucking strange

In the Chimps Australian news they wasted Monkey hours writing and publishing an article about a haunted tourist attraction that is so scary people do not want to even visit it.

So it isn’t really a tourist attraction at all!

And in “violent Britain” a mush threw an egg at someone.


Although if you look at his hand in the above screenshot you will see that the non-news story is also fake as fuck

Elsewhere in this cuntry where it is no longer safe to walk the streets at night in the afternoon, someone threw a bucket of water over someone else:


And a family are now too scared to leave their house after they were left a nasty note by an Amazon delivery mush:

Fan-Fucking-Tastic… I hope that they rang the plod – who tend to specialize in this kind of high level crime these days – and the sick-fucker gets at least five years.

Bring back hanging, I say.

And in more major news, a child covered herself in lipstick, giving her parents the “shock of their lives” apparently, after they thought she was covered in “BLOOD“.

And although the Minnie Mouse shirt is a clue to the story being absolute bollox, personally I would suggest that her parents stop watching 1970’s ‘Hammer House of Horror” films:

Just sayin’.

I also feel it important that you are aware of a connecting story about a bird who draws pictures on her arms with make-up.

Indeed it wouldn’t surprise me if we are all about to be wiped out by killer makeup from outer space.

Personally, when I draw on peoples arms I tend not to fuck about:

But that is just me.

Turning to the Far-East now and an extraordinarily brave photographer risked his life to show us mere-mortals what Fuck-You-Shima looks like 7 years after the nuclear power plant disaster struck:

He obviously made sure that the mutant street cleaners were out of the way first.

And would you just look at the abandoned cars worth thousands of pounds each! I’m not sure why the garage name is in English but the important thing is that these are not faked photos.

I mean yes the car is extremely clean and the bunting is still hanging, but the wing mirror has dropped off so it must be real… Suckers.

And finally you will be ecstatic to learn that my book is selling like hot cakes – but not in the thousands. Yet thousands of people still visit this site. So, do you begrudge me earning a bit of money? Do you? Am I not entitled to a bit of a pay day? Have you not read the fucking brilliant reviews?

Fuck me, at this rate I will have to go to Fuck-You-Shima to afford a new car. And if all of the tight cunts amongst you think that you will wait until it gets published on here, you are going to be sadly disappointed because it is a work of fiction and as such, it won’t.

UK customers can buy it HERE

US customers can buy it HERE

Even my dog found it ROFL:

However, if you really, really do not want to buy it, at least have the decency to donate towards the crippling site fees… Just urgin’.

Moustache, byyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee