Twenty Facts about Sweaty Betty… Who doesn’t apparently… That is 21 facts now

Tesco Magazine

 

Twenty “fun facts about the Queen”.

I found no fun in them what so ever… So I jazzed them up a bit.

Say thank you Chris.

 

20 fun facts about Queen Elizabeth II

Queen

Discover things you never knew about the Queen in celebration of her 60 years on the throne

Whether you’re planning a quiz for a party, or you just want to know a bit more about the Her Maj, these little facts will have you interested and intrigued…

The Queen is the only person in Britain who is not required to have a passport

1. The Queen has 30 godchildren.

It is not known if she has sacrificed any of them to the devil

2. Her childhood nickname was Lilibet because she couldn’t pronounce Elizabeth.

Her nickname was actually Silly Bet. She was thick as fuck.

3. The Queen has owned more than 30 corgis during her reign. One of her corgis mated with a dachshund belonging to Princess Margaret to produce a new breed called a dorgi. (She currently has four corgis and three dorgis…).

Obviously she wouldn’t call the new breed Cachshund… Far too German sounding. Wouldn’t want to undo all Kinky George V hard work. Still makes a change for the Royal ponces to take a break from inbreeding.

4. The Queen’s robes were so heavy that at the start of her Coronation she asked the Archbishop of Canterbury to give her a push, saying “Get me started!”.

Just a Shame that she wasn’t standing atop the white cliffs of Dover at the time.

5. She has seen 12 prime ministers and six popes come and go.

The dirty fucking bitch… Mind you, Big Ears has seen even more than her.

 

6. When the Queen acceded the throne in 1952, sugar, eggs, cheese and meat were still rationed.

They still are today. No bastard can afford to eat too much. All thanks to the Royal Ponce and her government of course.

7. She is a patron of more than 600 charities and organisations.

Like the NSPCC… You do know about the NSPCC right?

8. In her reign she has answered some three million items of correspondence.

She certainly has. This means that she has said: “Minion, Answer this bliddy letter”, three Million times.

9. She has given around 90,000 Christmas puddings to staff

The tight cunt. I would have slung it straight back at her.

10. Unusual live gifts given to her on royal tours include two tortoises and a seven-year-old bull elephant.

The two tortoises were to remind her of the Duck and the Bull Elephant to remind her of Dobby… He’s got Elephant ears and talks a load of Bull… Children be warned. If he asks if you wanna see his Elephants Trunk, run like fuck.

 

11. She has sat for 129 portraits during her reign.

Talk about fucking love y’self… Wasn’t Paedo Rolf one of those who had a bash?

12. The Queen keeps a portable hook with a suction cup in her handbag so she can hang it discreetly under tables.

I’d like to fucking hang the old leathery looking bag too.

13. She was a big fan of 70s cop show Kojak, starring Telly Savalas.

The researcher misheard and misquoted her. Bizzy Lizzy actually said that she’s a big fan of 70’s telly star Savile’s ass, Cock shows and Prozac. 

14. The Mayfair address where she was born on 21 April 1926 is now the site of upmarket Chinese restaurant, Hakkasan.

Yep… The greedy cow even has her own Chinese take-away… And a McDonalds to boot.

15. In July 1982 unemployed father of four Michael Fagan climbed up a drain-pipe and into the Queen’s bedroom at Buckingham Palace. He sat on her bed for about 10 minutes as she engaged him in conversation and calmly called for her footman when he asked for a cigarette.

Trust me when I say that Bizzy Lizzy has had plenty of Fags in her bed.

16. There is a Coutts cash machine at Buckingham Palace.

CUNTS FOR FUCKS SAKE… There is a cunts cash machine in Buck House… You just cant get the staff these days.

17. The Queen is the only person in Britain who is not required to have a passport

Or pay tax… Or get criticised for living off of the state.

18. Unlikely candidates who have met the Queen include: Tracy Emin; Lady Gaga at Royal Variety Performance in 2009 (Lady G is said to keep a pic of The Queen on her dressing table when she’s on the road); Barbara Windsor and co when she visited the set of EastEnders; shot-put champion Geoff Capes (at the 1982 Braemar Highland Games) and Blue Peter presenter John Noakes.

Unsavoury candidates who have met the Queen include: Jimmy Savile, Rolf Harris, Jim Davidson, Clit Richard etc, etc

19. In 1945 aged 19, the then princess did her bit for the war by joining the Women’s Auxiliary Territorial Service in Surrey as a driver and mechanic.

Did she fuck… The Duck used to be a cab driver. Least he used to drive himself about in a Black Taxi… Coincidentally enough, they must have a Taxi rank outside that Elms guest house… Just saying.

20. She enjoys reading The Racing Post every day.

Lets face it, the lazy bitch has fuck all else to do cept sit around reading Magazines.