The Spiv on Sunday 13/11/16


Christopher Spivey


Good Morning, Afternoon or Evening and a happy Weirdy-Beardy-Man-In-The-Skyday to you all except for the cunts who I don’t like… They can fuck right off.

Okay, let me start off with some site news – although obviously you have no choice in the matter, but you know what I mean.

And as most of you know my dog Jessica was given no more than two months to live following the results of her scans taken by the vet that I took her to after she unexpectedly collapsed… Nearly 3 months ago.

Now, according to the vet Jessica has a very advanced tumour on her spleen – so advanced that there is nothing that can be done.

Therefore the vet offered to put her to sleep there and then but after getting her reassurance that Jess was in no “real” pain or discomfort I vetoed the idea having had her for 8 years from the age of 8 weeks old… I am rather fond of the old bitch.


Course, before I made that decision the vet had explained that what will happen is that the tumour will rupture – again, without any pain – and that would cause her to internally bleed to death.

However, she continued by saying that I would know when the tumour ruptured because Jessica would become very lethargic and not eat at which point – the vet added – I could then bring her in to be put to sleep.

Now, I am a great believer in “it ain’t over till its over”, and as such I immediately started her on ‘alternative’ medication and although I have no way of knowing if the tumour is shrinking, I can tell you that Jessica is doing fine at the moment inasmuch that her coat is nice and shiney, her appetite is always good and she is always keen to go to the park of a morning – although I do not want to jinx anything by going on about it.

Fingers crossed.

She has however got an appointment at the vets tomorrow morning about a long term problem that she has with her tail. You see, she split it about a year or so ago after bashing it against the hallway wall whilst getting over excited when I arrived home. Apparently, now that Rottweilers no longer have their tails docked this is a common problem with the breed because their tails are so powerful.

Indeed, when I took her to the vets a month or so later (not the same vet that diagnosed her tumour) because it wouldn’t heal due to her banging it everytime I got home from going out, the vet said that the only real way to stop it is by amputation – which he was happy to do along with a little eye operation for an estimated £1200 – if I remember rightly.

And with that being out of my reach I had to opt for the vet’s Plan B – taping a length of pipe insulation around her tail, which would have worked fine, had she not chewed it off everytime I went out.

Anyway, although it doesn’t seem to hurt her when she re-opens it up, it isn’t getting any better and makes an awful mess of the walls, so I thought that I would get a second opinion and at the same time see what she has to say about the tumour.

As for my appeal for the Harassment charge, that is finally going ahead on the 17th of January 2017 – two and a half years after I was illegally arrested and my property illegally taken by the Essex Bacon Buggers.

However I cannot say too much about it because of the draconian restraining order but needless to say, the case is progressing with the same legal abuse used by the judiciary as used in the original… However, I have one or two surprises up my sleeve to combat that and hopefully, following the collapse of the malicious prosecution for two perfectly legal images (despite the police photoshopping one and Elton John owning the other), those perverting the course of justice now realise that I am not prepared to bend over and be fucked.

And as for that Malicious Prosecution, I am now actively taking steps to begin the process of suing the CPS, The Essex Bacon Buggers and the wholly corrupt, fragile egoed, Essex Chief Constable, Stephen Kavanagh.

Indeed, these Minions believe that they are above the law whilst grossly underestimating my patience, bottle and tenacity.

Which brings me nicely to the first item of news warranting a mention… And it doesn’t even come from the Chimp shit-rag but instead comes from the equally atrocious, totally unfit for purpose, BBC.

Even so, I am sure that more than a few nonce Monsters and their minions had a giggle at the publication:

He is one of the best-selling, award-winning musicians of all time, but Sir Elton John also has what’s regarded as one of the finest collections of photographs in the world.

It includes iconic images from the 1920s and 1950s, some of which went on display at London’s Tate Modern on Thursday. Source

Elton John in 1977

Keep giggling, whilst you still can ya Mona Lisa’s and Madhatters Sick Fuck’s and Bloated Clowns. There is a shit-storm coming your way and has fuck all to do with over indulgent felching.

And in royal news I see that the Cinge-Monkeys are still pushing the Markle Syrup:

A loved-up Prince Harry could take the chance to introduce Megan Markle to his entire family this weekend or even chose to appear in public together for the first time.

Today Harry led the nation in remembrance at the National Memorial Arboretum on Armistice Day but couldn’t hide his glee as he laughed with schoolchildren who are happy he has found love.

Harry, 32, and Meghan, 35, have been bunkered down in Kensington Palace this week but their cover was blown when the Suits star was seen leaving a nearby supermarket yesterday.

The prince could now take the chance to show her off to his relatives this weekend because the royals, including the Queen, must all be in London in time for Remembrance Sunday.

The couple could choose to appear in public together for the first time at this weekend’s England versus South Africa rugby match, one of Harry’s passions. Source

Fuck me, there will be plenty of overtime to be had knocking up photos of the ”Happy Clappers’ then. She certainly won’t be there in body that is for sure. Well not unless Poopa Middlethumb dons the red dress anyway.


Apply a touch of face altering softwear and bob’s ya fuckng uncle.

Nevertheless, did you see the Daft-Apeth’s evidence proving that Renault Meghan is in That-London and cottaging with Prince Harry of Ginger-Pubes in the Kensington Palace outhouse?

I mean talk about trying to take you for a cunt!

For instance the Ginger Nuts Minion supposedly releases a statement last tues proclaiming:

In his strongly worded statement this week Harry accused the media of intrusion and lashed out at the ‘sexism and racism of social media trolls’. His message, via his communications secretary Jason Knauf, was that their relationship ‘is not a game – it is her life and his’.

So, another attack on the internet designed to bring about more censorship… Roger that, carry on Monkey Cunt:

The statement added that Harry was ‘worried about Miss Markle’s safety’ and ‘deeply disappointed that he has not been able to protect her.’ In the circumstances it is rather surprising that she was unaccompanied. Source

So, Ginger bollocks was worried about Renault Meghan’s safety on tues but come thursday he doesn’t give a fuck because she is out all by herself like a big girl, gerrin summat in fo’tea.


However, whilst she’s out and about, all on her lonesome fucking todd like Billy-No-Mates, someone spots her and takes 3 photographs – at least it is only 3 photos until the monster-minions have made some more… Aren’t those buckles on her wellies suppose to be there so as they do not flap about on your legs?

Nevertheless, despite being more like a stalker than a photographer, the mush doesn’t think to ask if he can take her photo, or even brazenly walk ahead and take one, he just hangs about behind her… Yet she had no bodyguards or anyone else with her to stop him sticking the camera right in her boat-race.

Mind you, I reckon the would be David Bailey didn’t intrude because whoever it is – and it ain’t Renault, that is for sure – has had a head planted on her body.


Looks a bit like Pinocchio to me.

But anyway, the photographer then stalks her to the gates of Kensington Palace – a fair hike – before deciding to take two more snappy-snapz of her.


Which begs the question as to why the fuck Maverick didn’t snappy-snap Renault going through the gate.

Course, the fact that the unattended bike is there in the photo tells us that it is fake.

You see, unattended bikes or even bikes with riders on are a coded message for the Monsters… And if you think that the plod would allow an unattended bike to remain chained to the fence at the gate entrance to Kensington Palace you are probably soft enough in the head to believe this fraudulent old fanny.

Indeed the bike would cause a major incident since the frame could be pack full of explosives. Moreover, either Renaults left leg has dropped off or she has somehow managed to get it caught in the fence… Total, total bollox with no one brave enough to take credit for the photo mock-ups.

Laughably, the hairy, long-armed Chimp Chumps cannot even get their stories straight stating 3 different months that the pair of sick-fucks have been seeing each other and having them introduced by two different people at 3 different venues.

Indeed the most outrageous line in the old bollox that I have read is:

And the timing of Miss Markle’s visit is hugely significant, not least because it appears she was in the UK when Harry publicly declared his love for her. Source

When the fuck did the pretend prince declare his fucking love for her????

In fact the amateur copy writers cannot even get their timeline right.

You see at 6:52 AM on Thursday the 10th of November the Chimp published an article stating that Renault had asked for time off from filming “Suits” which the Monkey-Nutz decided was so as she could go and speak to her lawyers following Prick Harry of Ginger [not] declaring his love for her on Tuesday the 8th.


Yet why would she need time off to speak to her Lawyers? Do they have their offices in a sink hole in the middle of the Amazon? In fact why would she even need to see her lawyers just because she is going out with a ginger Knob-Ed who thinks his shit don’t stink?

Moreover, the chances of getting time off from filming at such short notice were round about fucking zero. Indeed doing so would cause the producers major problems and since she will be under contract they would sue her for everything that she hasn’t fucking got if she walked:

She is taking time off from filming her popular US television legal drama, Suits, to be with him, telling her producers she had ‘something important’ to do.

Some reports yesterday suggested this may have been to see her lawyers after Harry’s extraordinary statement confirming their relationship catapulted her into the media spotlight – and of course maybe she did.

It seems more likely, however, that it concerned her decision to fly to London to see her royal beau.  Source

Nevertheless at 7:14 PM that very same day the Fuzzy-Nutz released another article stating that the Ginger-Whinger had spent the night with his make-believe girlfriend – thus meaning that she had to have arrived in That-London on Wednesday the 9th… Yet she somehow slipped through Heathrow without the press knowing.


“Keep the noise down, Wills”… Fucking classic… Knob Jockeys!

And then later still on that very same day Banana Dacre’s Dunces released their WORLD EXCLUSIVE.


Errr, well yes since she would have had to have been in That-London to spend the night with Ginge.

Therefore, either the Chimp is printing deliberate lies or the make-believe-bird was already in That-London when she asked for time off – whether the show producers fucking liked it or not:

Actress Meghan Markle has asked for time off from filming her Suits television show just days after her romance to Prince Harry was confirmed.

The 34-year-old star is said to have told her bosses she needs time off from filming in Toronto this week because of ‘something important’ she has to do, Page Six reports.

There is speculation she is meeting with lawyers after she was catapulted into the media spotlight when Prince Harry, 32, issued an extraordinary statement on his love life this week. Source

So, just to re-cap for the benefit of the Thinking-Deficient, that means that on Thursday the 10th (minimum) – two days after Prince Harry of Silly-Beard had released his bollox statement on Tuesday the 8th – Renault Meghan asked her studio bosses for time off from filming despite already being in That-London on Wednesday the 9th.

Yet despite Miss Markle being in That-London since Wednesday the 9th – at the time of writing – she still hasn’t met anyone from the House of Windsor, despite them living yards from where she is staying… How very fuckng rude:

A loved-up Prince Harry could take the chance to introduce Megan Markle to his entire family this weekend or even chose to appear in public together for the first time.

Today Harry led the nation in remembrance at the National Memorial Arboretum on Armistice Day but couldn’t hide his glee as he laughed with schoolchildren who are happy he has found love.

Harry, 32, and Meghan, 35, have been bunkered down in Kensington Palace this week but their cover was blown when the Suits star was seen leaving a nearby supermarket yesterday.

The prince could now take the chance to show her off to his relatives this weekend because the royals, including the Queen, must all be in London in time for Remembrance Sunday.

The couple could choose to appear in public together for the first time at this weekend’s England versus South Africa rugby match, one of Harry’s passions. Source

Moreover, once again according to the Chimp – despite Meghan still not having met any of Ginger’s family on the 10th of November – on the 8th of November the Inbreds & the make-believe bird were all one big shit happy family.


It would seem that I was wrong and they really could make this shit up.

Mind you, I wasn’t wrong about Mechano not showing up at the Rugby:

Prince Harry arrived at Twickenham this afternoon to lay a poppy wreath ahead of Remembrance Sunday – but there was no sign of his new girlfriend, Meghan Markle.

The actress, 35, has been staying with the prince in London, prompting fierce speculation that she would be accompanying him to this afternoon’s game between England and South Africa.

However, when he arrived at the stadium in southwest London and placed a wreath of poppies outside the ground, she was nowhere to be seen. Source

She has probably taken the hint and fucked off home after being snubbed by Prince Harry of Duracell and his family of inbreds whilst having to go shopping alone for her dinner.

Nevertheless, apparently still determined to prove that as journalists go, the Monkey-Fraudz would make excellent toilet attendants, they persevered with the pantomime:


And the Chimps word of the week is “weekend“.

Neither was Renault Mechano invited to the big bash last night for which the Chimp ran the headline:

The Firm out in force: Kate and the Queen bring out their princes for a star-studded Festival of Remembrance at the Albert Hall

Course, “The firm” are excellent descriptive words for the royal pariahs being as they are two words usually associated with a criminal gang.

However as for the “princes”… Well let’s take a gander:


It is in fact true to say that I have never seen so many medals on display won for absolutely fuck all.

Nevertheless, the arselicking arse wipes at the Chimp still managed to make up another story about Miss Markle by employing the fantasies of the wholly corrupt Piers Moron.



Piers Morons claims to fame are of course being caught up in an “insider trading” scandal and getting the sack for publishing fake photos – something the Chimp does on a daily basis.

However, this made-up story gives me an opportunity to air something that I noticed the other day about Pierced Organ.

Now, take a close look at his photo in the above and then take a look at the following.


Why? As in why?

Personally I think that he is David Cameron, or at least a clone.

However, before deciding whether you agree or not wait until my next article is out – which should have been released last week but will now be published in the next couple of days.

Also Google Image Piers Moron and note his many variations and where he has had his head photoshopped onto someone elses body or where he is wearing a neck prosthetic… Oh yeah, and study the following photos:


Indeed, I can and I soon will link Cameron to being 5 other people – not including Moron.

Moving on to extreme bullshit news and it seems that the 15 year old grammar school buoy who fucked off on his own may be using “survival tits” learned from watching the pretend survival egg-spurts, Bare Grills and the Matt Damon’s film character, Jason Bourne in order to stay “off radar”:

Missing grammar school boy Arthur Heeler-Frood could be using survival tips from TV adventurer Bear Grylls to live in the wild and may have ‘picked up’ methods to avoid detection from the Jason Bourne spy films, his father revealed yesterday. Source

Told ya.


PHOTO: Missing Grammar Schoolboy, Arthur Fraud.

And would you Adam & Eve it! The photo belongs to SWNS… Definite bullshite then, especially since the photo is of a young Bare Grills.


Oh how the minion who came up with that wheeze to take the piss out of the sedated riff-raff must have laughed his cock micro-penis off.

Even more so if it was the same sewer-dweller who came up with the idea of using the pretend Ex-SAS, former Oxford bod, Bare Grills school photo to portray Art Fraud, since he has also used a young Matt Damon (Jason Bourne) photo later on in the article to do the exact same thing.


Which brings me nicely to the Croydon train tram-dam-bam-crash, although going by the comments left on this site it is bloody fucking nice to see you taking the old bollox apart without my help:

Police investigating the Croydon tram crash have named the final three victims as Donald Collett, Philip Logan and Robert Huxley.

British Transport Police said Donald Collett, 62, of Croydon; Philip Logan, 52, and Robert Huxley, 63, both of New Addington, died in the accident when the tram overturned as it entered a bend at high speed.

A total of six men and one woman died in the crash.

The family of Mr Collett said he could ‘light up a room with his smile’. A statement from the family read: ‘Don was a well loved, funny and generous man, who could light up a room with his smile. He is tragically leaving behind a loving family, partner, adored friends and work colleagues. Source

“Yeah but what the fuck does Arthur Fraud/Bare Faced Grills/Matt Finish Damon have to do with the Croydon Cobblers”? I don’t hear you ask.

And the answer to that would be: The oh [not] so funny Clowns over at the Gonorrhea-Contaminated-Hobo-Quarters – or GCHQ for short – thought that it would be hilarious to use the Arthur Fraud persona to play tram-victim, Dane Chin Chinnery.


That’s Chinnery in the middle. Indeed, you only need look at the neck to see that it is a fake photo.

And amongst the other dead ringers victims was Phil Seary


AKA Peter Kay.

Cast a spell on us please Pete:


Cheers mate… Cunt.

Unfortunately, I cannot tell you who Phil Logan is.


And in other bollox a “Super fit bodybuilding champion”, almost died for really really real after getting sepsis – the latest in a long line of fear porn infections.

Worse still the mush developed the infection after being bitten by a… Wait for it. Wait for it… One of them there new fangled toxic ladybirds:

A bodybuilder has revealed how he almost died after he was bitten by a ladybird on the way to the gym.

Reza Rezamand, 31, drove himself to A&E after receiving a bite to the hand, where doctors kept him overnight and pumped him with 16 powerful antibiotics.

During his stay his feet would balloon to twice their normal size, and after being rushed to a second hospital doctors discovered he had sepsis. 

Reza, who went on to make a full recovery, had been told by doctors that there had been a 30 per cent of him dying from the infection. Source

Now if by chance you find yourself attacked by one of these teenage mutant ninja ladybirds whatever you do, don’t fucking panic else it’s game over.

Instead, turn the tables on the make believe daft shite by calmly waiting for the right moment and then twatting the cunt.

It works one hundred percent of the time – here’s one I twatted earlier:


Body builders? I’ve shit em.

And finally, I see that the purveyors of bullshit are still pushing the Catherine Zika Jones old fanny:

Officials trying to stop the outbreak of Zika in Miami are exploring the use of mosquitoes infected with bacteria that inhibit the insects’ ability to transmit the virus.

The approach, called MosquitoMate, involves releasing non-biting male mosquitoes, which seek out and mate with Zika-carrying females.   

The company behind the plan says that the males effectively find and treat female mosquitoes that bite, blood feed and transmit important diseases, including Zika.

It results in a significant drop in the population.

With repeated releases over time, the population declines, and with it, the threat of Zika and other tropical diseases carried by Aedes aegypti mosquitoes. Source

  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Amos
  • Amos who?
  • A-mosquito
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Tomos
  • Tomos who?
  • Two Mosquitos
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Yetta
  • Yetta who?
  • Yet another Mosquito

Well fuck me the old fanny needs to be treated as a joke.

I mean I have already exposed Catherine Zika Jones – to give the infection its proper medical name… Probably – in an article that I wrote found HERE.

In that article I showed how photos of the boy, Jaxon Five Buell (bull as in bullshit) had been used worldwide to portray the face of  babies born of Zika victims.

However, far from being a casualty of Catherine Zika Jones – Jaxon allegedly suffers from the extremely unpronounceable, rare condition which leaves victims with deformed heads.


That is Jaxon in the photo above although there are much bigger photos of him in the article that I wrote about him.


And the above is taken from an article portraying Jaxon as a Zika baby… Again, there is much more proof to be found at the aforementioned article.

Nevertheless, I have found the Jaxon story to also be bollox – which I haven’t had time to write up yet – and would imagine that the little fella defying all the odds is in fact Baby P.


“Surely the Monsters wouldn’t be that sick & warped”?

They fucking would, but that’s ya lot for now… New major article definitely released this coming week… Moustache… Byyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.