The Spiv on Sunday 08/01/17

Christopher Spivey


Good Morning, Afternoon or Evening and a very happy Weirdy-Beardy-Man-in-the-Skyday to you all except for those cunts who get right on my tits and the resident paedo-trolls… They proper need to build a bridge because they really get my goat and no fucking messing.

Now what I have noticed over the last few months about the Daily Chimpanzee is that I cannot read their on-line homepage (showing the days ‘news’ stories) from top to bottom without severe interruption at least once, as they add new content and take off older news items.

Course, if the newly added articles were newsworthy then the disruption – which inevitably ends up with me reviewing many items that I have already seen – wouldn’t be so irritating, but the fact is; these newly added ‘news’ stories are every bit as pointless and uninteresting as those that they have replaced.

For instance, when I started writing this edition, the Monkey-boyz had the following story as their top item – for longer than most of their top stories in fact.

And yet the amateur Monkey-Kuntz want to know who the two birds are presumably so as their shit-rag can do a follow up!


Do you know who they are?

I mean at the time of writing there are 5497 comments on the article which has been shared 6.2K times amongst the brain-dead, all of whom must be fucking dying to know who the two birds are.

Mind you, I can well imagine the outcry if I went to Tesco’s in my nightwear.

Just sayin’.

Next up, Beth ‘n’ Death… As in what the fuck is going on with the old regina?

I mean on the 21st of December (updated on the 22nd at 10:48AM) the Chimp wrote:

The Queen cancelled plans to leave London for her festive break in Norfolk at the last minute yesterday morning, with Buckingham Palace saying she and Prince Philip both had heavy colds.

The 90-year-old monarch had been due to catch a train out of King’s Cross to King’s Lynn, a short drive from her private Sandringham estate where she resides until early February.

Royal security was out in force at both train stations but just minutes before her expected arrival in time to catch the 10.44am out of the capital, police were told to stand down. Source

That report came hot on the heals of another Chimp article stating that Bizzy-Lizzie was relinquishing “more than two dozen of her most high profile patronages as she took another step back from royal duties“… Oh the hardship of it all.

Course, the welfare benefit payments paid to her yearly will not take into consideration these cutbacks although if she isn’t fit for work then she should be on ESA.

Indeed, more credence was given to that fact as the article continued:

In recent years the Queen has begun to make a number of concessions to her advancing years including cutting down completely on long haul travel and getting other members of the family to undertake investitures on her behalf, which involve her standing on her feet for more than an hour at a time.

So she can’t stand up for more than 2 hours at a time… Roger that:

Two years ago Prince Charles stepped in for his mother at an ancient installation ceremony for knights of the Order of the Bath at Westminster Abbey after she admitted for the first time that a steep flight of steps would be too much for her.

And this infirmity of hers goes back as far as 2 years… Benefit fraud then:

And this year a temporary handrail was installed in the steep steps outside St Paul’s Cathedral for the Queen and Prince Philip, 95, to use at a service to celebrate the monarch’s 90th birthday.

So with that being the case, will the Chimp now admit to deliberately misleading the public (criminal fraud) by purposely printing a story about Sweaty-Betty, which I pulled the lying Baboons up about only a couple of months ago – November 6th 2016 to be exact.

The story was about Bizzy-Lizzy going for a horse ride (see HERE):

She may have turned 90 this year, but the Queen showed she was agile as ever as she took to an autumnal ride along the banks of the Thames.

Her Majesty, who marked her milestone birthday in April, was spotted riding her faithful black Fell pony, Carltonlima Emma, accompanied by head groom Terry Pendry.

Britain’s longest-reigning monarch sported a light-weight beige mac and cream jodphurs and opted for one of her trademark silk scarves tied around her chin, rather than a helmet. Source

Presumably they used the Royal Hoist to get her mounted?

Nevertheless, at 1:33PM on the 22nd of December, the Chimp wrote:

The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh were this afternoon picked up by helicopter from Buckingham Palace to begin their Christmas break at Sandringham after cancelling plans to travel yesterday due to heavy colds.

The 90-year-old monarch’s official flight landed in the palace garden shortly after 1.15pm to collect the couple for the hour-long journey to her private Norfolk estate.

Royal aides were forced to cancel plans for them to travel by train at the last minute yesterday morning after doctors deemed them too unwell to go. 

But today, just over 24 hours later and in a very unusual move, the royal couple took off from Buckingham Palace by helicopter. They landed at Sandringham House at around 2.10pm. Source

I’ll tell thee what, the Monkey Kuntz done well to get the long article out in less than 20 minutes although I am not sure how they could have possibly known that the Dame and the Duck landed safely at 2:10PM.

That bit must have been reported in the article update at 9:53PM, although the original article must have been very fucking short.

I mean the article in question even carries photos of the helicopter leaving Buck House which – as you will see from the photo caption must also have been added to the update – and arriving at Satanic Sandringham House.

Now I will take it as read that the Gibbon’s writing for the Gullible know the difference between a cold and the flu.

And as such, I will go by what the NHS website says about a cold – namely symptoms last between 7-10 days – although I am a little surprised as whenever I have had a cold I have a day building up to it, followed by 1-2 days feeling shit after which I feel okay albeit a bit congested.

Mind you, I would imagine that the NHS website have quoted the longest time possible in order to not spark panic amongst the country’s many hypochondriacs.

Course, my timeline for a cold would appear to be consistent with the Queer’s since she hosted a bash on the 20th of December which makes no mention of runny noses:

She and the Duke, 95, were surrounded by their family on Tuesday when they hosted their annual Christmas lunch for dozens of relatives at Buckingham Palace. Source

So, the Dick Duck and his Mrs probably felt the symptoms coming on but gorron wi’it without complaint.

And then the next day – the 21st – Phil & Betty were feeling too shitty to travel, but were up to doing so on the 22nd… Although the poor pilot might have found himself wiping snot off the back of his head a time or two.

However, on Satan’s Day itself Betty Hoof-Foot was absent from church duty – although Roger the Codger (I’m talking about the Duck but Phil the Codger sounds shit) was well enough to attend:

Dozens of royals attended a church service at the Sandringham Estate today – a cornerstone of the family’s Christmas celebrations – however the Queen herself was notably absent as she continues to recover from a heavy cold.

Prince Charles, The Duchess of Cornwall, the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Harry, the Earl of Wessex and Prince Andrew joined other royals as they made their way from Sandringham House to St Mary Magdalene Church where they enjoyed two Christmas services.  

As supreme Governor of the Church of England, the Queen’s faith is incredibly important to her – and this is the first time in nearly 30 years the 90-year-old Monarch has missed the service, which she and her husband Prince Philip, 95, have attended every year since 1988.

It is thought the Queen has not missed a Christmas Day service at either Sandringham or Windsor Castle – the previous location for the monarch’s festive break – in living memory. Source

 Must be bad then!

However, here is a photo of Phil of Fee-Olgit attending church on Satan’s day.

Pretty much the same photo as every year… Literally! But if you wanna believe that the parasites wander on up to ye olde church every year to worship god that’s your lookout. However, Santa Clause isn’t real, so stick that in ya pipe and smoke it.

The article then continues:

A spokesman for Kensington Palace said today: ‘Her Majesty The Queen will not attend Church at Sandringham this morning. 

Kensington Palace? What the fuck has it got to do with Kensington Palace… We wanna hear what the Bucker’s of Buck House have to say on the matter.

Nevertheless, Kensington Palace continued:

‘The Queen continues to recover from a heavy cold and will stay indoors to assist with her recovery. 

‘Her Majesty will participate in the Royal Family Christmas celebrations during the day.’

Oh goody gumdrops, she’s well enough to pull a cracker then.

There was an outpouring of grief yesterday following news the Queen’s granddaughter Zara Tindall and her 38-year-old husband lost their unborn baby, just weeks after revealing they were expecting their second child. 


Oh I see… Although I didn’t say that “the article continues“… But all the same… ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? “AN OUTPOURING OF GRIEF? REALLY?

I think you will find that apart from close family no one gives a fuck pal… And have the Monkey-Plantz forgotten Mike Tindall’s name?  “The Queen’s granddaughter Zara Tindall and her 38-year-old husband”, indeed.

Still, since the Red-Arsed-Primates have gone there; were Zara & Lurch with the royal party?

The pair had been expected to spend Christmas at Sandringham but were not seen today. 

Oh right, I didn’t think they would be… What about Will & Disgrace?

In a break from tradition, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have this year chosen to spend the holidays with Kate’s parents, The Monsters of Middleton, at their home in the village of Bucklebury, Berkshire, some 170 miles away.

AKA Mandy Rice Davies.


At least Carole is Randy-Mandy according to my fucking brilliant article: Lets Go Play With The Astors.

And here is one of the many photoshopped pictures of little bald Willie leaving the Satan’s Day church service – just so as you know that he didn’t really attend.

So, that takes us to 5 days that Betty’s Bin Bad.

And then on the 30th of December, Banana Dacre’s Dunce’s once again addressed the Queer’s illness:

The Queen has been forced to remain indoors and out of the public eye for the tenth day as she continues to battle ‘a heavy cold’. 

The monarch is currently resting at her Sandringham retreat, leading sick jokers to convince people that she had died and there had been a ‘media blackout’.

Buckingham Palace was forced to confirm the Queen was alive after the Twitter hoax.

In a statement, it said: ‘The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh continue to recover from their heavy colds.’ Source

Ten days! Although why they are including the Duck in the article is beyond me since he looked fine five days earlier apart from the snot dripping from his great big beak.

Tell ya what… Fuck the NHS, let’s get a second opinion:

Cold symptoms can be different for everyone, but they typically appear about one to three days after exposure to a cold-causing virus, peak around day four, and taper off around day seven. The most common cold symptoms include sore or scratchy throat, nasal congestion or stuffiness, a runny nose, and a cough. You may also experience sneezing, low-grade fever, or fatigue.

The full life cycle of a cold is usually between seven and 10 days. According to Dr. Glatt, a cold may last longer or be more severe in people who have immune problems or other underlying health issues. Source

Oh right!

Well she must be on the mend although fuck knows how she managed to sit on that chopper on the 22nd if she is still bad 8 days later.

Mind you, I’m not really sure that she is on the mend after reading the Chimp article published the following day:

The Queen could miss the annual New Year’s Day service in Sandringham as she continues to recover from a ‘heavy cold’.  

Buckingham Palace said a decision had yet to be taken on whether the 90-year-old monarch would be well enough to attend. 

The sovereign and Prince Philip, 95, were forced to delay their journey to their usual Christmas residence in Norfolk because of what was officially called ‘heavy colds’. Source

And she didn’t in fact make that new years day service which had photos that looked suspiciously like the christmas day service photographs:

Princess Anne insisted the Queen was feeling ‘better’ today even though her mother was too ill to attend church at Sandringham.

The Princess Royal spoke out in an apparent bid to calm fears over the health of the 90-year-old Queen who has not been seen in public for almost two weeks.

An onlooker asked how the Queen was as she briskly walked the 400 yards from Sandringham House to the village’s St Mary Magdalene church. Source

However, come the 4th of January all would seem to be back on track when Bizzy apparently rewarded one of her slaves:

The Queen presented a trusted member of staff with an honour yesterday as she continues to recuperate from a heavy cold at Sandringham.

The monarch invested Ray Wheaton, the Queen‘s Page of the Chambers, with the insignia of a Lieutenant of the Royal Victorian Order, according to the court circular.

The LVO, which is the Queen’s personal gift and is bestowed independently of 10 Downing Street, recognises service to the Royal Family and household. Source

But was she really well?

I mean three days later, the Monkey-Boyz came up with this:

The Queen is expected to make her first appearance at Sandringham tomorrow after being struck down with a heavy cold over Christmas.

The 90-year-old monarch broke protocol for the first time ever when she decided not to attend both her traditional Christmas and New Year’s church services.

However, it is now believed that the Queen is feeling better and will attend a Sunday service tomorrow at St Mary Magdalene Church on her Norfolk Estate.

Buckingham Palace has refused to comment on the rumours and said the Queen’s appearance will be confirmed after 9.30am tomorrow.

Such was the intensity of her condition over the festive period that the monarch delayed her annual trip to Sandringham for the holidays.

She traveled one day later than planned and used a helicopter rather than a train to shorten the travel time.

Prince Philip, 95, also suffered from the heavy cold but managed to recover enough to attend the service on New Year’s Day. Source

Errr… Didn’t the Duck attend church on Satan’s day too?

Kinda like the cunts are trying to normalise Sweaty’s “heavy cold” by having the Duck take longer to recover than he really did.

Still, I am sure that they will have knocked up some photos by the end of play today… Just sayin’.

And sticking with the Windsor Von Foreigners news, the Chimp released a totally made-up bullshit story on the 22nd of December about some letters written by Princess Diana – although the Monkey-Menaces didn’t clarify which Princess Diana – in regard to Little Bald Willie and his step-brother Harry-O:

These are the heartwarming letters written by Princess Diana which described the tender, unbreakable bond between her two young sons – and the rebellious streak in an eight-year-old Prince Harry.

As she raised the brothers the late princess revealed intimate moments of their family life between 1984 until 1993 in handwritten notes to Buckingham Palace Steward Cyril Dickman.

One letter dated September 20, 1984, reads: ‘William adores his little brother and spends the entire time swamping Harry with an endless supply of hugs and kisses, hardly letting the parents near!’ Source

And of course the story came with the usual fake Diana photo:

Check the legs with the upper body, her hands and Harry-O’s cap.

However, the Chimp must have thought that not enough interest had been shown so they rewrote the article on the 5th and updated it on the 7th:

Heartwarming letters written by Princess Diana which described the tender bond between her two young sons – and the rebellious streak in an eight-year-old Prince Harry – have sold at auction. 

The late princess revealed intimate moments of their family life between 1984 until 1993 in handwritten notes to long-serving Buckingham Palace Steward Cyril Dickman.

One letter dated September 20, 1984, reads: ‘William adores his little brother and spends the entire time swamping Harry with an endless supply of hugs and kisses, hardly letting the parents near!’

Another dated October 17, 1992, notes how mischievous Prince Harry was: ‘The boys are well and enjoying boarding school a lot, although Harry is constantly in trouble!’

She also described how she and Prince Charles reacted to Harry’s birth: ‘The reaction to one tiny person’s birth has totally overwhelmed us and I can hardly breathe for the mass of flowers that are arriving here!’ Source

Same photoshopped picture though.

And the Monkey-Muppetz must have felt that the David Blaine article that they released on the 29th of December wasn’t exciting enough.

So they simply jazzed it up a bit on the 7th of January:

Yet it still didn’t interest me enough to read the old shite.

Another story to make the Chimp’s fantasy page was that in regard to the inquest of Stephen Muncaster and his wife wife Allison.

Mudcaster allegedly shot Alison dead in their living room just before midnight on July 11th 2016, before going outside and shooting himself on his driveway – like ya do.

And in order to give this old fanny extra appeal, it turns out that Mudcaster is the uncle to the useful idiot, lotto-lout Stephen Carroll who is mentioned repeatedly throughout the made-up shite despite the tool having no relevance whatsoever to the case.

Indeed, during the course of the 654 word article, Carroll is referenced no less than 9 times and shown in 3 photos, whereas Mudcaster is only pictured once – in a photo with Carroll – and Alison isn’t pictured at all, at all, at all.

The article continues:

Detective Constable Jeremy Pitt said a shotgun was found on the ground near Mr Muncaster’s body.

His home’s CCTV captured what happened in the early hours of July 12 2016.

Small point here, but the home CCTV captured what happened in the late hours of July 11th.

Mr Pitt said: ‘It was quite clear that, and recorded on the footage, Stephen Muncaster had shot Allison Muncaster.

‘We can’t say for certain what happened outside as that’s not recorded on CCTV.

So, the inside of the house is covered by constantly recording CCTV, yet the outside has none despite there being a large garden shed to the back of the home and a garage to the side which has a storage area beyond that… Doesn’t make sense does it since only Mudcaster and his Mrs lived there.

I mean CCTV front and back would show any burglars as well as keeping the outside protected, with no need for internal cameras.

‘We can see Stephen, having shot his wife, then goes outside.’

Mr Muncaster, 47, killed his wife Allison, 48, as she sat on the sofa at their home in the village of Magdalen near King’s Lynn, Norfolk 

Mr Pitt said cameras covered the lounge where cleaner Mrs Muncaster was on the sofa and the neighbouring room from which Mr Muncaster fired the shot.

Would you not access the lounge via a hallway? Or did Mudcaster fire through the wall or something?

Moreover, every camera inside the house must have been recording. Very strange.

He told the inquest that at 11.49pm on July 11 Mr Muncaster was looking ‘very upset with his head in his hands’ and minutes later Mrs Muncaster was also seen ‘clearly upset’ with her head in her hands.

Yet the cctv did not pick up any altercation between the pair!

He said: ‘Stephen goes to collect the shotgun that had been concealed under the bed earlier in the evening.

The bedroom cctv did however pick up Mudcaster hiding his shotgun earlier on in the evening… Despite Mudcaster having a licence for the weapon… Therefore you have to ask why he was hiding it in the bedroom? I mean why – even if he was planning on murdering her early on in the evening – did he have to hide it?

‘Allison was sitting on the sofa in the second lounge. Stephen then produces the gun from behind his back.

Why was he holding it behind his back when they were not even in the same room unless of course he was going to shout “SURPRISE” before blowing her head off?

I mean that can be the only explanation unless Mrs Mudflaps can move faster than a speeding bullet.

‘He takes aim, Allison, realising what’s about to happen, gets off the sofa and tries to run.

‘She’s fatally injured in the head and collapses on the lounge floor.’

So he didn’t shoot her as she was sat on the sofa then.

Mr Muncaster’s body was found in the driveway of the bungalow he shared with his wife, with fatal shotgun wounds an inquest at Norfolk Coroner’s Court was told

Mr Pitt said there was no record of previous domestic incidents, and Mr Muncaster, who was a builder, had held a valid shotgun and firearms licence.

A post-mortem examination concluded Mrs Muncaster died of a shotgun wound to the head.

There were no signs of offensive, defensive or restraint wounds.

Well there wouldn’t be because what happened was captured on cctv… Derrrrr.

Paramedic Michael Heppel said, in a written statement, that Mr Muncaster’s shotgun was by his right side and when he went into the property he found Mrs Muncaster dead and two dogs ‘standing quietly behind a child gate in the kitchen’.

I will return to this shortly although why there was no need for the paramedic to attend the inquest in person is beyond me.

As for the two dogs which were reported to be Dobermans… Well they are good guards dogs aren’t they?

Norfolk senior coroner Jacqueline Lake recorded a conclusion of unlawful killing.

Why not murder?

Ms Lake adjourned the inquest into the death of Mr Muncaster for further review.

And the case certainly needs further review.

The hearing was attended by cousins of Mrs Muncaster and a lawyer representing her daughter Chelsea. Family members made no comment.

For confidential support call the Samaritans on 116123 or visit a local Samaritans branch, or see for details. Source

Why in the name of fuck would anyone reading this old bollox need the support of the Samaritans?

Nevertheless, let us go back to the earlier newspaper reports published at the time of the shooting – the following is from the Mirror-Monkeys:

The uncle of Lotto lout Michael Carroll killed himself in his garden after telling neighbours: “I’ve just shot my wife.”

Mudcaster presumably told his neighbours this at around midnight whilst brandishing a shotgun… Roger that:

Steve Muncaster, 47, killed second wife Allison, 48, in the living room of the bungalow Carroll had built for him and his first wife with his jackpot win.

The killer then walked outside and told a watching neighbour what he had done before turning the gun on himself shortly after midnight yesterday.

Brave fella… In fact if I had been his neighbour I would have made like a banana and split – double fucking quick time too.

Bev Golding, 53, who knew Steve and Allison for over 20 years, said: “He went into his front garden and his neighbours saw him out of their window.

Bev is a fella then… Mind you, quite coincidental that old Bev, the neighbour had known the pair for over 20 years when you consider that Carroll didn’t win the lottery until 2002 – sixteen years ago – sometime after which he had the bungalow built for HIS AUNT KELLY and her then husband Stephen Mudcaster.

Carroll also reportedly gave Auntie Kelly a million squid and then somewhere between 11 and 13 years ago (2003-2005) – depending on what report you read – the Mudcasters split up and Stephen Mudcaster got with Allison, whom he shot dead in July 2016.

However, despite having three kids by Mudcaster, Auntie Kelly apparently decided that Mudcaster could have what must have been at the time, a brand new bungalow, whilst she moved out.

Yet good old Bev the neighbour had known both Mudcaster and his second wife, Allison for over 20 years… Roger that.

“He said to them, ‘I’ve just shot Ali’. Their deaths are a total shock. Steve was such a lovely person and she was as well, they were honest with hearts of gold.”

He said to them“? Who the fuck is “them”? Or is Bev two people?

Yet I don’t recall seeing Bev the neighbour – or neighbours – name mentioned at the inquest… Very fucking strange.

Friends said the couple had no financial worries and had just returned from a holiday on the Greek island of Santorini.

Friends“… No names attributed to the “friends” I see… Carry on:

Sarah Reeves, 43, who spoke to Steve just 36 hours before his death, said: “He didn’t seem stressed or anything.

“I know they had just put down a £600 deposit for their holiday next year.

So, having just returned from holiday, Steve & Ali rush out to put 600 squid down on next years jaunt… Roger that:

“It has come completely out of the blue. It does not make sense. He loved and adored her, and she loved him. They were such a lovely couple.”

Except he sometimes felt the compulsion to blow her fucking head off… Carry on Monkey-Mirror-Man:

However, one neighbour in the village of Magdalen, Norfolk, claimed that the couple had been “arguing a lot recently” and that heavy drinker Steve had been barred from his local pub.

Bingo! The classic conflicting evidence scenario.

The couple’s two Doberman dogs were found unharmed and will be rehomed. Det Supt Paul Durham, of Norfolk Police, said the shotgun had been legally held by Steve for “some time”.

He added: “Neighbours heard a commotion after hearing a gunshot. They contacted the ambulance service who alerted us. We are treating this incident as a murder-suicide and believe the weapon was only discharged twice. At the moment we do not think there was any prior involvement from police or other services.”

So, neighbours heard a commotion after hearing a gunshot – despite gunshots presumably being common place in that Carrot-Crunchers neck of the woods… Torches now, that is a different matter. I mean if they had seen torch beams they would be justified in being suspicious… Eating Carrots lets you see in the dark.

Nevertheless, the neighbours hearing a commotion and then a gunshot as opposed to a gunshot followed by a commotion would have made more sense – despite the bungalow being detached and there being not an inconsiderable distance between the place and the neighbours houses.

Yet what did these neighbours do? They phoned a fuckng ambulance instead of the Bacon-Buggers despite not possibly knowing exactly where the gunshot came from or if anyone was even hurt.

Steve had three kids with first wife Kelly, who is Carroll’s aunt. Allison had one child from a prior relationship. They were not at the house at the time of the shootings. Police searched the property yesterday.

Searched the property for the kids???

Former binman Carroll was living with Kelly and Steve in Magdalen when he scooped the £9.7million Lottery jackpot aged 19 in 2002. He gave Kelly £1million and had a four-bedroom bungalow built for the couple in the village.

When they split the next year Steve, thought to have been a contractor at nearby RAF Marham, kept the property.

Ahhhh, the Ministry of Defence now makes an appearance… Roger that.

However, to re-cap: Carroll wins the lottery in NOVEMBER 2002. He then presumably looks around for a suitable bit of land to buy in order to build a bungalow for Auntie Kelly, her husband Steve and their three kids to live in.

And then, having found and bought the land, Carroll presumably employed an architect to draw up a design for the bungalow after which the plans would have been submitted to the council for approval.

Course, once that had been granted, he would have then sought estimates from builders before the building work took place.

Yet Auntie Kelly had fucked off within a year of her Nephew winning the lottery… Didn’t she like her new home or summat?

Carroll, who moved from Norfolk to Elgin, near Inverness in 2010, said of the deaths: “It’s sad news, but I’ve not spoken to Kelly or him since 2005. No one knows why he did it except him.”

Carroll became known as the Lotto lout after collecting his winnings wearing an electronic tag. He blew the money on drink, drugs and prostitutes (and squandered the rest), and made court appearances for drugs and driving offences. He now works in an abattoir.

He said in 2013: “Money is the root of all evil. It brings out the worst in people. Money’s destroyed half the people I’ve loved. It’s gone straight to their head. It brought out the worst in some people.”  Source

Including himself.

Nevertheless, let’s keep digging – something neither the plod or the inquest judge seemed to have much interest in doing.

The following is from Martin Robinson, UK CHIEF reporter for the Chimp on-line:

Bev Golding, 53, who knew Steve and Ali for over 20 years, described the moment Mr Muncaster left his house and told his neighbours what had just happened, reports the Mirror

She said: ‘He went into his front garden and his neighbours saw him out of their window.

So Old Bev is a ‘She’ now… Roger that.

‘He said to them, “I’ve just shot Ali”. Their deaths are a total shock. Steve was such a lovely person and she was as well, they were honest with hearts of gold.’

Carroll – the self-styled King of the Chavs – used to live with Mr Muncaster and built the £400,000 property for his uncle and his then-wife Kelly, who split up around 13 years ago. 

Mr Muncaster stayed in the house and is believed to have started a relationship with Ali, who moved in about 11 years ago. 

Neighbours said they heard a row at the rural bungalow at around midnight followed by several loud bangs before the police were called.

“Several loud bangs”? Really? … But at least the old bill were called this time.

Detective Superintendent Paul Durham of Norfolk Police said Mr Muncaster was a licensed shotgun holder and had owned a gun for ‘many years’.

He added that the alarm was raised shortly after midnight by a villager who dialled 999 and asked for an ambulance after hearing gunshots.

Oh, so the neighbours didn’t call the police… Roger that:

Ambulance staff then informed police who found Mr Muncaster dead in his garden with a shotgun beside him and his wife dead in the lounge. 

Mr Durham added: ‘The ambulance service got a phone from a member of the local community who reported the sound of gunshots.

‘They notified us and we went to the scene and found the body of a man in the front garden and shortly afterwards, the body of a woman inside.

Which begs the question as to why the Bacon-Buggers statement wasn’t read out at the inquest in favour of the paramedics. I mean, if it was the plod who found the bodies then the paramedics witness statement is surplus to requirements.

And if it was the paramedics who arrived first, you would have more chance of hell freezing over than them entering the bungalow before the plod arrived.

Course, Durham also states: ‘The ambulance service got a phone [sic] from a member of the local community who reported the sound of gunshots.

‘They notified us and we went to the scene and found the body of a man in the front garden and shortly afterwards, the body of a woman inside.

Should the armed response unit not have been deployed and been the ones to enter the bungalow?

‘I am treating it as a murder and suicide. It would appear that there was a domestic element to it.

Bad luck Orifficer, it was an “unlawful killing“.

‘The couple involved had not come to our notice before in terms of any previous domestic incidents.’

Mr Durham added: ‘Two people have died in violent circumstances. It is always shocking, but more some in a small tightknit community

More Some“? Chief Reporter? Really?

‘They were local people who lived at the address together for and had been part of the community for some time.

Grammar! Chief Reporter? Really?

‘We will be looking into the background to find out more about them because it is going to help us explain the event.’  

Always fascinating to hear a Chief Bacon-Bugger explain the bleedin’ fucking obvious.

And as an aside I hear that Essex Chief Constable, Stephen Kavanagh is being investigated for corruption… Not that much will come of it I don’t suppose… Unless those bods investigating come and see me of course, because I will show them where to fucking look.

Carry on Mate… Pri-Mate:

Villagers said Mr Muncaster had been drinking heavily in recent months and the couple had been heard arguing at their home.

Despite that bungalow being detached and situated nearly at the end of a row followed by miles of fields, thus who the fuck were all these people who heard them arguing… Fuck me, I can just about hear my upstairs neighbours rowing if I listen really, really hard.

Greig Dunsmuir said she heard a gunshot shortly after midnight with ‘a commotion, people shouting and screaming’.

Disregarding the fact that he is nearly 15 minutes late on his timeline, I wonder where Grieg Dunsmuir lives?

He said: ‘It wasn’t drawn out for long, maybe three to four minutes and that was it… it was a loud boom.

‘The noise woke my wife up, she sat bolt upright in bed. But we didn’t think any more of it until this morning when we saw the police vehicles and cordon. 

So he heard the row okay but the flashing blue lights illuminating the area went unnoticed did they?

Media student Will Smith, 18, said he believed his family’s three retired greyhounds and their border terrier were woken by gunshots just after midnight.

That’s the way UK Chief Reporter, Martin Robinson. Make sure that you get the important detail down. I mean, most Chimp’s would just have noted that the Fresh Prince of Bellend had four dogs who were alerted to the gunshots… But not Mrs Robinson. He notes not only the fact that Smith has three Greyhounds and a Border Terrier, but also the fact that the Greyhounds are “retired”.

And as such, I will presume that the Border Terrier is still working.

Will who lives a few doors from the bungalow with his parents Glyn and Adele, said: ‘My dogs went absolutely mental some time around 12.30am.

I feel sure that there should have been a comma after “Will” and that “some time” is just one word, but fuck, what do I know? I mean I am only the Chief Reporter for this site.

However, whilst obviously not in the same league as Mrs Robinson, I would have felt the need to question the Fresh Prick of Bellend about his timing of the events.

I mean, a couple of paragraphs ago his dogs were woken by gunshots at “just after midnight” – fifteen minutes too late – whereas now it is sometime “around 12:30 AM” – Forty minutes too late.

‘I live in a separate house in my back garden and I was still awake. The dogs went absolutely ballistic and ran down the stairs. My Mum called me in because she was concerned.

I would love to know where that is but obviously Will Smith is so full of shit I cannot be arsed to go on a wild goose chase.

‘I am guessing that it was the gunshots that made them go crazy, but we didn’t know what was wrong at the time.

Which suggest that Smithy didn’t hear them… Just sayin’.

‘I only realised that there had been a double shooting after my mate rang me at 10am to say he had seen something on Facebook and Twitter.’

And there ya go… He too missed all the flashing blue lights.

Another villager who asked not to be named said: ‘I knew them as Steve and Ali. They were a nice couple. This is such a quiet area and what has happened is just awful.’ 

Ahhh, the old anonymous villager… I getcha *wink.

There had been reports that Carroll’s aunt Kelly had been shot dead at the home she used to live in with his uncle Stephen. 

Well it follows that there would be. I mean Auntie Fucking Kelly had only been gone thirteen fucking years.

Mrs Muncaster was the one who checked her nephew’s winning numbers in Teletext and split up with her husband in around 2006. 

Kelly Mudcaster obviously, not Allison Mudflaps. However, 2006 for the big break? So Mudcaster was with Mudflaps whilst he was still married to Auntie Mudcaster?

Roger that… I think:

But she told a news agency: ‘It’s going to be no comment all the way from me.

‘I’m speaking to you now, so I’m not dead’.  

So not quite “no comment all the way” from Auntie Mudcaster then!

East of England Ambulance Service staff raised concerns for the safety of two residents just after midnight. 

How the fuck could they raise concerns for anybody let alone two people?

Detective Superintendent Durham added: ‘As a result of our initial investigation this morning there is no evidence to suggest that anyone else was involved in this incident.

And he states that without even mentioning the cctv footage showing exactly what happened… There are no flies on our coppers pal.

‘However, our investigation into the full circumstances surrounding their deaths will continue. At the moment it is thought that both of them died from gunshot wounds and a firearm has been located at the scene.

As opposed to being poisoned… Or strangled.

‘Home Office post mortems will take place in due course and we will seek to formally identify the couple as soon as possible.’

They best hope to fuck that they have named the right people then.

For confidential support call the Samaritans on 116123 or visit a local Samaritans branch, see for details  Source


Pure bollox then, accompanied by the usual photoshopped pictures.

Now curiously the bungalow was filmed by Google in May 2009, June 2009 and July 2009 but never since.

Mind you, I would have been reluctant to buy the plot of land and build on it since that big grassy bank is all that is holding the River Ouse back.

However, a quick glance at the last two photos begs the question: Where the fuck did the trees come from in the press photographs?

And fuck knows where they came up with this next photo because the brick piers supporting the gates were certainly in place in 2009.

So let’s be generous and say that the photo was taken in 2008… Does that look to you like a five year old house?

No, it doesn’t to me either.

And then there is the following photo:

I mean why the fuck is it shot through long grass?

See? absolutely no need for it.

And then there is this little doozie.

Course, my regular readers will know that I have long been suspicious about this murder and indeed of Michael Carroll himself.

The following is what I wrote in my article exposing the Joke-Ox fraud:

Well if that is the case I think that it is about time that we turned the spotlight on Brendan Cox then… At best he is a typical Monster Minion who thinks that he has the Dog given right to touch up any female who so much as says hello to him.

However, I think that Brenda is the yobbo lottery winner, Michael Carroll’s uncle, Stephen Mudflaps – or whatever the fuck his name is – who shot his wife dead before topping himself.

Although as an aside, I don’t think that is really Michael Carroll in the above photo. Indeed I think it is more likely to be Carol Michaels, hence the stupid pose in an effort to hide her great big tits.

But that is by the bye. It is Uncle Mudflaps that I am interested in at the moment although unsurprisingly photos of him are rarer than antique chocolate teapots.


The ears are a pretty damn good match though…

Moving on and I see that New Years Eve was another opportunity for the Monsters to get us Brits used to our Bacon-Buggers carrying guns:

Armed police officers will travel on the London Underground for the first time ever on New Year’s Eve amid heightened fears of a terrorist attack on Britain’s capital.

Major cities have increased security at big events following the Berlin Christmas market massacre last week, which killed 12 people when a lorry ploughed through a crowd of people. 

Extra police will be drafted in for New Year due to heightened fears of a terror attack.

The Metropolitan Police revealed they will have 3,000 officers on duty on Saturday.

And today, the British Transport Police (BTP) revealed firearms patrols will deployed on the Tube to counter the terror threat. Source

Talk about history repeating itself!

Stage 1

Disarm the nation.

Stage 2

Arm the police.

Stage 3


Yet as I have repeatedly said, there is NO terror threat… Not from ISIS, ICI or Al-Ka-Holic anyway. Indeed the only terrorist threat is from our own government and until we are rid of them scum cunts there will never be peace.

Its not Rocket Salad that’s for sure.

I also see Charlie ‘midget’ Manson is back in the news:

The man who claims he is the son of Charles Manson has revealed his hospitalized father is ‘hanging in there’ and has demanded the immediate release of the ailing serial killer from prison.

Musician Matthew Roberts believes his 82-year-old ‘dad’ – imprisoned for his part in the brutal slaying of nine people in 1969 including pregnant actress Sharon Tate – has served his time and should now be allowed to salvage what’s left of his fading years.

‘I love my father whoever he is,’ Roberts told in an exclusive interview.

‘If he was to be released and I could have some kind of friendship with him and we could be amicable, that would be wonderful.Source

Course, I’m sure that if the Monkey-Kuntz were pushed on this old bollox they would feign ignorance and protest that they had no idea that Matthew Roberts has twice in the past failed DNA tests proving that he is not Midget Mansons son:

Several years ago a DJ named Matthew Roberts got a lot of media attention when he claimed he was Charles Manson’s son from a 1967 San Francisco orgy. Two separate DNA tests proved he wasn’t actually related to Manson, but Roberts still identifies himself as Manson’s son. His most recent work was a performance art-piece about Manson. Source

Roberts however is making a very nice living by continuing to pretend that he is Charlie’s Chimp.

And naturally, Robert’s looks are designed to make him look as much like ‘Daddy’ as possible.

However, someone really ought to tell him that the little fella is nothing other than an Actor playing a part.

Photo – The tiny Actor on his wedding day

And as for Matthews vowing to secure ‘his fathers’ release from prison – someone really ought to inform him that he is nearly 50 years too late.

Read More 

In showbiz the Monkey-Men are making a big fuss over Carrie Fisher’s death although fuck knows why.

I mean she didn’t exactly set the world on fire with her acting career did she? In fact I had to look up what other films she had appeared in other than the obvious.

And indeed, were I to be asked to name five things that Fisher was famous for I would have been stuck at three:

  • Star Wars
  • Being the daughter of Debbie Reynolds
  • Marrying Paul Simon

Yet the Chimp rather suspiciously published 234 articles/videos about Fisher and/or Reynolds between September 2016 and today (8/1/17)… And if you don’t believe that possible, take a look HERE

Now I say suspicious because at least 40 of those articles were published before the pair died in late December – probably a lot more than that as I was counting very quickly – with most of those pre-death articles being about Fisher shagging Harrison Ford… Indeed, a cynic might even say that Dacre’s Dunces had advanced warning of Fisher’s imminent death.

The following is taken from the last of those articles.

Family and close friends of Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher arrived at Forest Lawn Cemetery in Los Angeles on Friday morning as the mother and daughter were laid to rest.

Among those gathered to say their final farewell to the two women was Carrie’s daughter Billie Lourd, who was accompanied by Taylor Lautner.

Todd Fisher was also there to say goodbye to his mother Debbie and sister, and carried Carrie’s ashes in an urn shaped like a Prozac pill.

Carrie was open about her battle with bipolar disorder, and frequently spoke about the condition in her work. 

‘Carrie’s favorite possession was a giant Prozac pill that she bought many years ago. A big pill,’ said Todd after the funeral service in an interview with Entertainment Tonight. Source

Mind you, I’m not sure that Fisher’s brother Todd wasn’t played by Paul Simon on the day in question.

Or perhaps Carrie married her brother… It is Hollyweird after all.

Mind you, I would imagine that the likeness is more to do with the shit quality of the photos – the one above being a photoshop.

As for Debbie Reynolds, well she is a bit before my time. However, as some of you will know, between the ages of 8 and 13 I lived in Jamaica which at the time only had the one TV station called JBC which only broadcast in B&W.

Moreover, the programs were shit and as I seem to remember JBC’s broadcasting schedule largely consisted of Romper Room (Jamaica’s equivalent to Playschool), Hawaii Five-O, Dark Shadows (I liked that, it used to scare me even though the sets wobbled worse than ‘Crossroads’), The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Andy Williams Show, Sgt Bilko, I Love Lucy and The Debbie Reynolds Show… All of which were long past their “sell by date“.

Come to think of it, I’m sure that there was a big budget film made a few years ago based on Dark Shadows which was an early 1970’s American soap-opera come horror show about a vampire named Barnabas Collins… Funny what you can remember innit?

But anyway, I don’t remember the Debbie Reynolds Show as such but I do clearly remember the starting credits, because I liked the song.

Although listening to it now after all these years I am fucked if I know why.

So to be frank, I’m fucked if I know why so much print time has been given over to the pair although I’m certain that there must be a reason.

Mind you, I’m also sure that if Fisher had married The Human League singer Phil Oakey, she would have been a lot more in demand than she was. After all, how could anyone called Carrie Oakey not be massive.

That’s ya lot, moustache, byyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee