The Slightly Late Sunday Spiv – An ISIS Lolly Special

Chris Spivey


Good morning, afternoon or evening and a happy Weirdy Beardy Man in the Skyday to you all.

Now, what with that mad cunt Cameron being so desperate to take us to the brink of Armageddon – and maybe even beyond – I thought a Sunday Spiv WW3 special might be called for.

However, I first have to tell you that I saw the greatest sign ever to adorn a work van today whilst sat in my car waiting for Stacey to buy some nails – the finger kind, not the metal ones.

It also has to be said that this van, which was parked opposite me, had been professionally sign written and was in very good condition.

Unfortunately, the firm specialized in shit but never the less seemed quite chuffed with the fact and as such the van had the company name written right the way across the back doors – Brookes or something like that – in bold black lettering.

Moreover, along with the company name they also had their green logo and a list of their services, written in smaller font underneath, which included such tasks as Waste Management and Sewage treatment, etc, etc.

However, on the lower right hand back door there was also a professionally made car sticker, around 18″ x 12″ in size which stated:


How fucking brilliant is that?

Well I thought it was anyway.

Right, lets get to it and I see that America has declared war on IS, Aka ISIS, Aka ISIL, Aka Isil & Grittle (in South Africa), Aka CIA, Aka Old Fanny Farts.

How the fuck have they done that then? Declared war I mean?

In fact why the fuck have they done that then?

The following is from the Chimp:

The Obama administration’s chief spokesman confirmed on Friday that the United States is officially ‘at war’ with the self-proclaimed Islamic State of Iraq and al-Sham (ISIS, also called ISIL), the terror group that has become America’s top military and foreign affairs priority.

White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest told reporters Friday during his daily press briefing that the battle against ISIS now mirrors the ongoing War on Terror closely enough to use the ‘W’ word. Source

Ohhhh, “the battle against ISIS now mirrors the ongoing war on terror” does it?

In that case the ‘B’ word would be more appropriate than the ‘W’ word!

I mean, c’mon, Are these cunts for fucking real?

What are we, ten year olds?  How the fuck can a country go to war against a group… A group who appear to have no structure, discipline and wear a mishmash of uniforms, I hasten to add.

Never the less, Golly Gosh Josh then continued in Earnest… Ha, ha, gerrit?… Forget it, just carry on:

‘The fact is ISIL has indicated that they’re ready to go to war against the world,’ Earnest said, ‘and this president – as is expected of American presidents – is stepping up to lead an international coalition to confront that threat and to deny ISIL a safe haven. And ultimately this international coalition will be responsible for degrading and destroying ISIL.’ 

‘So I think what you could conclude from this is the United States is at war with ISIL in the same way we are at war with al-Qaeda and its affiliates all around the globe.’

I love the way he flips between calling the ‘enemy’, ISIS & ISIL, whilst neglecting to call them by their proper name Fabrication IS.

Course, I personally fail to see how 100 fellas with black scarves wrapped around their bonces can go to war against the world.

Mind you, having said that there is probably somewhere around that number ready to fight the world down Southend seafront on a Saturday night.


The article continues:

Earlier in the day, Pentagon spokesman Rear Admiral John Kirby raised eyebrows with a saber-rattling declaration that ‘make no mistake, we know we are at war with ISIL, in the same way we are at war, and continue to be at war, with al-Qaeda and its affiliates.’

“Rear Admiral”? Sounds like a gay porn star to me!

However, does he mean that America is at war with the CIA since he says we know we are at war with ISIL, in the same way we are at war, and continue to be at war, with al-Qaeda and its affiliates”.

In fact if the consequences were not so dire I would liken this old bollox to kids playing Cowboys and Indians… Pathetic cunts.

Course, America ought to remember that ‘war’ works both ways and as such ISIS should no longer be recognized as being a terrorist group, and indeed from now on, be afforded the rights of soldiers under the terms as set out by the Geneva Convention.

Now interestingly enough, Rear Admiral Johnny Kirby was at it again earlier this month… And no, I don’t mean that he was rear admiraling cowboys up Brokeback Mountain.

Big John was actually paving the way for a US attack on Somalia, which although unstated, also means Kenya in the same way that Iraq means Syria:

The leader of the extremist Islamist group al-Shabab has been killed in an American drone strike in Somalia, the Pentagon confirmed Friday.

The death of Ahmed Godane, who founded the Somalia-based group, is considered a significant blow for the al-Qaeda-affiliated organization, government officials said.

‘Godane’s removal is a major symbolic and operational loss to the largest al-Qaeda affiliate in Africa and reflects years of painstaking work by our intelligence, military and law enforcement professionals,’ said Rear Admiral John Kirby, the Pentagon press secretary, in a statement.

Godane’s group has carried many bombings and suicide attacks in Somalia and elsewhere, including the Westgate Mall attack in Nairobi, Kenya, in September 2013 that killed at least 39 people.

The leader publicly claimed responsibility for the Westgate attack, saying it was revenge for Kenyan and Western involvement in Somalia and noting its proximity to the anniversary of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on the United States.

Godane’s death could generate an upheaval in leadership that would break al-Shabab away from al-Qaeda and instead pledge allegiance to the Islamic State group in Syria and Iraq, according to two security experts. Source

“Pledge allegiance to the Islamic State group”… Roger that.

And who is America at war with now? … Bingo! No other excuse needed.


Still at least Barry Obarmy has ruled out using ground troops… Hasn’t he:

U.S. President Barack Obama declared on Friday that his government is ‘going to achieve our goal’ in the continuing fight against ISIS, predicting that ‘we are going to degrade, and ultimately destroy’ the terror group ‘in the same way we’ve gone after al-Qaeda.’But he insisted that a ‘developing strategy’ will not require action from American soldiers in Syria, where ISIS has its strongest presence. Source

ISIS have their strongest presence in SYRIA!!!

I thought ISIS were Iraq based?

And that statement on the “developing strategy” – meaning not finalized – only rules out ground troops where ISIS “has its strongest presence”.

Careful wording see.

Never the less, it isn’t very reassuring knowing that the United States have formulated their war strategy against ISIL in just 8 days:

Obama’s specific goal – degrade and ultimately destroy’ ISIS – is a departure from his statement eight days ago that ‘we don’t have a strategy yet,’ and a contrast from a State Department official’s statement yesterday that she couldn’t describe what victory would look like.‘I don’t even know what that means!’: spokeswoman Marie Harf barked at a reporter, dismissing the idea of ‘completing the mission’ against ISIS as a ‘buzzword.’

Ahhh, so Government Spokeswoman Marie Half Baked is as confused as the rest of us then.

In which case its best if Baz tells us his strategy… OI BAZZA, WHAT’S  THE COO IN REGARD TO YOUR STRATEGY FOR DEALING WITH THE ISIS CRISIS:

‘You initially push them back, you systematically degrade their capabilities, you narrow their scope of action, you slowly shrink the …. territory that they control. You take out their leadership,’ he counted off.‘And over time, they no longer can carry out attacks … the way they could.’ Source

Hmmm… Doesn’t sound like much of a plan to me.

In fact, I can’t for the life of me see that being achieved via airstrikes… Least not without the rules of engagement as set out in the Geneva Convention in regard to the safety of civilians being broken.

And if they were, that would mean Barry Obarmy would become a war criminal… Just like Monkey Boy Bush & Tony ‘Lionel’ Blair are.


Earlier in the day, Secretary of State John Kerry issued a dramatic call to arms against militants from ISIS, urging world leaders to join a ‘core coalition’ to end their murderous rampage through Iraq, but ruled out putting ‘boots on the ground.’

The Vietnam War veteran made his rallying cry on the second day of NATO’s military alliance summit, where the issue of airstrikes on ISIS insurgents sits top of the agenda. Source: As above.

“There will be no goddam ground troops in Syria… We’re going to nuke the fucking place”.

Bloody hell! Kerry Gold is a Vietnam war hero… Who the fuck would have thunked it?

“Only 120 days in-country and he puts himself in for a Purple Heart for scratches we wouldn’t bother to report to the corpsman. This guy was punching his ticket and used a loophole [three Purple Heart wounds and you got to leave Vietnam before your required 12 month tour of duty was up] in the regulations to get out early.

What a disgrace!“I saw Marines with serious wounds – arms shattered, their guts hanging out, an eye gone, sucking chest wounds – that is what the Purple Heart is meant for, not for a grain of rice hitting you in your butt!”KERRY CAUGHT IN ONE OF HIS OWN LIESA lot of controversy surrounds Kerry’s first Purple Heart “wound.”

In Kerry’s authorized biography, “Tour of Duty,” written by adoring flack and campaign shill Douglas Brinkley, the author writes the following: “They [Kerry and his crew in their Navy swift boat] pulled away from the pier at Cat Lo with spirits high, feeling satisfied with the way things were going for them.

They had no lust for battle, but they also were not afraid. Kerry wrote in his notebook, ‘A cocky feeling of invincibility accompanied us up the Long Tau shipping channel because we hadn’t been shot at yet, and Americans at war who haven’t been shot at are allowed to be cocky.’”

Please note the date this journal entry was made – when “Kerry had just turned 25, on Dec. 11, 1968,” Brinkley wrote. That was nine days after Kerry falsely claimed to have been “wounded” during a firefight with the enemy.

According to military regulations, the only time a Purple Heart can be awarded is when the recipient has been engaged in combat with a hostile force. Inadvertent “wounds” that are self-inflicted, don’t count.

The Swift Boat Vets revealed Kerry didn’t deserve the first of three Purple Heart medals he got because his “injury” was from a tiny fragment of shrapnel that resulted from him firing an M-79 grenade launcher against the nearby shore from the deck of his boat. Source

Body language

Still, at least the ground troop situation is confirmed… The Americans ARE definitely going to use ground troops in Syria.

Yet it was only a year ago that President Bazz was telling the American Nation that; “he ends wars not starts them”:

In his 2013 address, Obama informed the nation that he had asked Congress “to postpone a vote to authorise the use of force” against Assad’s forces, in favour of a diplomatic path.

At the time, Obama had been considering using military force against Syrian government forces over their use of chemical weapons.

The president was reluctant to get involved in a complex civil war, which at that point had claimed 100,000 lives. “I have resisted calls for military action, because we cannot resolve someone else’s civil war through force, particularly after a decade of war in Iraq and Afghanistan,” he told the nation.Announcing the decision to the nation, Obama memorably remarked: “I’ve spent four and a half years working to end wars, not start them.” Source

What a difference a year makes.

Moreover, Australia’s nut nut Prime Mincer, Mad Abbott is definitely sending in ground troops:

Australia will deploy a military force of 600 to the Middle East as part of international efforts to combat Islamic State extremists, Prime Minister Tony Abbott has announced.

Mr Abbott said Australia had received a specific request from the US government to contribute forces to possible military action in Iraq.Cabinet and the National Security Committee had met on Sunday to discuss the matter. Source

“It’s clear to me that the British parliament and the British people do not wish to see military action; I get that, and I will act accordingly.”  David Cameron August 2013

And as for the Cunt Cameron?

Well, the following was the governments position on Iraq and Syria a year ago last August:

On Thursday night, a British government lost a vote on military action for the first time in at least 100 years. The House of Commons voted 285 to 272 against the UK government’s motion on Syria. David Cameron said that: “It’s clear to me that the British parliament and the British people do not wish to see military action; I get that, and I will act accordingly.” Phillip Hammond, defence secretary, later confirmed that there would be no UK participation in any other countries’ operations. Source

And then in June 2014, Willie the embryo Hague – whilst being interviewed by the BBC – categorically stated that there would be no military intervention in Iraq:

Foreign Secretary William Hague says all sides in Iraq must work together to face a ‘lethal and mortal threat’ to their country.

Speaking on the Andrew Marr Show, he ruled out any UK military intervention. Source

Moreover, fast forward two months to August 2014 and our barmy barn-pot Prime Mincer, Chubby Hamster Cameron, made public his position in regards to taking the country to war:

David Cameron has welcomed possible US air strikes against Islamist militants in Iraq as his office rules out British military intervention.

Downing Street has confirmed there will be no UK military action in Iraq, saying “we are not planning a military intervention”. Source

But give it a month, and how do things stand as of today:

WE are now within a week of the referendum that will decide whether Scotland reclaims its independence or accepts dependence on government from the UK.

Meanwhile, the Coalition Government slides closer and closer to yet another war that will increase the UK national debt and add to the number of our servicemen killed and seriously wounded in UK wars.

You report that “Mr Cameron welcomed US President Barack Obama’s plan to extend airstrikes against IS militants in Syria” but he said Britain was “not at the stage” of joining the military action (“Confusion over UK’s stance on airstrikes”, The Herald, September 12).

Further, “David Cameron’s official spokesman insisted … that nothing had been ruled out in relation to IS”.
We may reasonably conclude that a new war is being delayed until the referendum is over.

Having secured Scottish dependence, Mr Cameron will immediately authorise airstrikes in Iraq and Syria to accompany those of the United States.

According to various media reports, UK special forces are already operating in Iraq. The UK national debt will soar to pay for our involvement in the war. UK security will be further compromised with the greater threat of terrorism. Source

Oh! Okay, so what made him change his mind then?

Well, I suppose it may have been something to do with the clever cunt, American government, intelligence analysts, and their bottom clenching verdict on the Steven Sotloff beheading video.

You see, according to Fox News, on the 3rd of September 2014, the video was declared to be the real macoy:

The White House on Wednesday confirmed the authenticity of an Internet video that showed the beheading of American reporter Steven Sotloff by the Islamic State extremist group, as President Obama vowed “justice will be served.” 

“The U.S. Intelligence Community has analyzed the recently released video showing U.S. citizen Steven Sotloff and has reached the judgment that it is authentic,” National Security Council spokeswoman Caitlin Hayden said in a statement released early Wednesday. Source


Now, at best their verdict on the video is ultra fucking embarrassing.

I mean, it is quite obvious to any sane person that the video is fake.

Never the less, Davey Camokazi isn’t sane and the fact that Jihadi John Lennon – from the elite IS Beatle Squadron – paraded British ‘hostage’, David Haines as his next victim, after he had finished not beheading Steven Sotloff, could very well have had something to do with his rethink on military action.

After all, with Sotloff having really, really, really been beheaded then logic dictates that Johnny Al’lennonadi would really, really. really follow through with his threat to make Haines his next conquest.

Indeed, the Prime Mincer must have been fretting about the prospect so much that he decided on evasive action which was evidenced by The Chimp, who on the 5th of September reported that a crack SAS squad was ready and waiting to go and rescue Haines; the very second that Dave Camrsesole shouted Ready, Steady Go:

An SAS counter-terrorist rescue team is primed and ready to deploy on a mission to fly into Syria and rescue British hostage David Haines as soon as his location has been pinpointed.

The team, based a few hours’ away in Cyprus, will be whisked into the war-torn country as soon as Britain’s intelligence agencies are confident they have located the aid worker kidnapped by ISIS and David Cameron gives the go-ahead for them to go in. Source

Moreover, Dave the Rave would have been having panic attacks come the very next day after the Chimp reported that Haines’s blood thirsty, merciless captors were that worried about their next beheading victim that they had got the doctor out in the middle of the night to come and give him some Calpol or something:

The British aid worker threatened with beheading by Islamic militants in Syria has been so desperately ill that his captors have been forced to summon a doctor to treat him.

Father-of-two David Haines has been struggling to hold down food and suffering from acute gastric and other health problems in his cramped captivity.

The revelation will add to the anguish of his desperate family after Islamic State fanatics named him as the next hostage to be murdered.

‘He cannot digest food and has serious digestive problems,’ said one well-connected source.

‘Haines has suffered a good deal from vomiting, diarrhoea and gastro-intestinal problems. A doctor on at least once occasion was brought in for him because he was so very sick.’Source

Poor bastard… Mind you, I would have been a bit cheeky myself when talking to Mr Know It All “Well Connected Source” and asked him or her where the fuck they were keeping Haines, thus killing two birds with one stone, being as the SAS would then have been able to spring into action.

David Cameron

Never the less, it was very kind of the most evilist monsters in the world to get Haines looked at by a GP.

Then again, they could have just been covering their arses by making sure that he was fit enough to have his head chopped off… Had he not been, then fuck me they would have no doubt had all manner of legal problems.

Never the less, we will never get to know now… That is to say that Haines won’t be spilling the beans anyway.

You see, Camocon must have gone on holiday or something because he forgot to shout Ready, Steady, Go at the SAS and poor old Haines – who up until the beginning of the month was unheard of – was executed yesterday.

Which obviously must have fucked the SAS off big time, what with them going to all that trouble immediately prior to their now aborted mission of informing the press about exactly how they were going to rescue the British hostage… Well, I would have been livid too.

I mean, ya make ya plans, inform the press of what those plans entail, pack ya toothbrush and then sit around twiddling ya thumbs for over a week only to find via the press that the mission is off.

It really isn’t on don’t cha know… Which is why I just told you it was off.

Course, it is quite obvious that Jihadi John Al’lennonadi is also getting a dose of the squits.

I mean, you don’t see hardly fuck all on the Haines execution video.

Mind you, no one could really blame him for getting nervous… I mean, its bad enough that Mickey Adebolajo does the talking for him – security must be very lax in English prisons these days – but he must have proper shit his pants when he read the Daily Chimpanzee.

I mean, fuck me, on the 8th of September it was reported that anti-terror police knew exactly who he is and amongst other things were going to name & shame him within the next couple of days… Which confused me a tad since I thought that he had already been named & shamed.

Never the less, this is what the Monkey Boys had to say on the matter:

Anti-terror police are set to arrest up to 12 British associates of Islamic State executioner Jihadi John, it has been reported. 

British and American authorities say they know the identity of the hostage killer – and are set to reveal it within days. 

The executioner is one of four British jihadis known as the ‘Beatles’ holding hostages in Syria.

Sources told the Mirror that anti-terror experts from the UK and U.S. know the identity of three of them and are tracking down the group.

An FBI team flown into Britian last month is now closing in on 12 suspects in the UK, who are believed to have provided money, contacts and helped Jihadi John travel to Syria.

An American source told the paper the ‘hardened terrorists’ include several from the West Midlands who are already known to UK security services. Source

Course, it would appear that with the silly bastard coppers ‘doing’ an SAS by making sure that their plans were splashed all over the daily’s, the dirty dozen were able to thwart the odd bod plod squad by doing a runner… I mean, they must have got away, since to date no one has been named & Shamed… Shame really.

Mind you, I am also a bit confused as to why MI5 or even our Anti-Terrorist Plod had to wait for the FBI to get here in the first fucking place… Are MI5 and our Anti-Terrorist Plod pussy’s or summat?

Then again, it was probably for the best that the FBI were too late, what with their government declaring war on Isil & Grittle an all.

After all, it wouldn’t then be the feds job to capture prisoners of war would it?

Never the less, lets take a look at that Haines beheading video:


Indeed, it was another piss poor effort and personally I think its a right fucking liberty that we are all going to be potentially melted to the pavement off the back of such a crap production.

In fact, excuse me a second.



After all, there will be a next time.

You see, as has become the norm, Jihadi Johnny rolled out his next victim who in this latest instance was another British aid worker named as being Alan Henning from Manchester… And that is just about all that is known about the fella .


Hmmm, its not exactly like the days of John McCarthy, Terry Waite and Brian Keenan is it?

Fuck me, they were proper hostages.

Indeed, back in the day those three were never out of the fucking newspapers, what with reports about them being chained to radiators and other such enthralling escapades to keep us entertained.

McCarthy, Waite & Keenan… After getting their rewards from the Queer… For being hostages.

Mind you, I don’t suppose that the radiators in question were ever on… I mean, there isn’t much call for central heating in the Middle East… But we were good citizens back then and just kept schtum… As opposed to being kept dumb these days.

Indeed, the only fella who seems to know fuck all about Alan Henning is a Dutch freelance photographer – the kind of fella that ISIS love to lop the heads off of – who goes by the name of Harald Doornbos… Strange fucking name.

I mean, move two letters around and you have Harald Doornobs.

Never the less, whereas ISIS love nowt more than a good old decapitation of a Western photo journalist, Mr Doorsnob seems to inexplicably have unrestricted access to the terror hawks and their dastardly deeds.


In fact, all I can come up with for Harald having a free reign to come and go as he pleases is that he must be the life and soul of a party… Yes, indeed that will be it… Probably.

But here is the thing, although I must stress that I haven’t had a lot of time to research what I am about to tell you.

Never the less, I believe that I am right in saying that as coincidence would have it, one of the relief Agencies operating in Syria is headed by a very, very prominent fella called Martin Doornbos, (also an expert on Africa) who just so happens to have written reports such as: “State Collapse and Fresh Starts“.

Slightly ironic then that given Harald and Martins occupations, James Foley just so happened to have also been a photo-journalist, Steven Sotloff just so happened to have been a Journalist without a camera and David Haines & Alan Henning just so happen to have been relief workers – don’t cha think?

Indeed, Martin Doornbos’s research was used along with others to help write a major, major study and report on world terrorism in 2007, authored by Bjørn Møller and entitled:


You can find a PDF containing that report by clicking HERE

And funnily enough, as far as I can see there is not one single mention of ISIS, Al Shabab Shaboom Shaboom or Procal fucking Harum in that report… Strange that don’t cha think?

Unfortunately, neither have I had time to find out if the two Doornobs are related, but their involvement in this story – given their strange surname – is one hell of a coincidence by any standards if you want my opinion.

Now the thing is, I was working on writing this article when news of Haines execution was released and the accompanying video was being uploaded to You Tube – who in turn were apparently banishing it just as quickly.

And that is primarily why I was so late in getting the article finished… Indeed, when new info comes in that affects whatever you are writing about at the time, the whole fucking article sometimes has to be altered.

Never the less, when I got to around page 10 of Google whilst trying to track down a copy of the Haines video that Big Brother hopefully might have let slip through their net, I came across one that advertised itself as… Well have a look for yourself.


Now, I don’t know a lot about uploading videos to You Tube so I may be mugging myself off here, but despite that being a photo from the Steve Softlad beheading and Haines being described as an American Journalist in the blurb, it still says that the video was added on the 7th, which to my reckoning was a fucking week ago.


Moreover, when you watch the video, it is definitely Haines beheading being reported on, and by one of those American, female robotic voice reporters to boot, although there are no stills or footage in the video from the actual event its self.

Watch Video

Never the less, I find the upload date very fucking strange and indeed if Haines was murdered on or before the 7th of September, it could potentially proper fuck the official narrative up.

You see, according to the Chimp:

The militant, who appears to have a British accent, then says: ‘This British man has to the pay the price for your promise, Cameron, to arm the Peshmerga against the Islamic State.

‘Your evil alliance with America which continues to strike the Muslims of Iraq and most recently bombed the Haditha Dam will only accelerate your destruction and playing the role of the obedient lapdog Cameron, will only drag you and your people into another bloody and unwinnable war’, he continues. Source

Ha, ha, “The militant, who appears to have a British accent”, you really couldn’t make that shit up.

I mean, the fella has the same fucking accent as he did in the other two beheading videos… Its Michael Adebolajo, I’m fucking telling ya.

Fuck me, I should know since I have listened to Adebolajo talking enough times over the past year to last me a fucking lifetime.

However, that isn’t the point that I want to make.

You see, Adebolajo says in that snippet: Your evil alliance with America which continues to strike the Muslims of Iraq and most recently bombed the Haditha Dam”.

And the Haditha Dam was only bombed an absolute maximum of 7 days ago… Just saying.

So, in conclusion. If you want to die for all of the old fanny that I have documented in this and other articles over the past month – and make no mistake, it really is stinking old fanny of the most blatantly obvious kind – then just carry on as normal.

Personally, this shit scares the fucking living daylights out of me… Just shakin’.