Jan 22 2013
Chris Spivey and three hacks from the Daily Mail
Earlier today (20/1/13), I was asked by the Daily Mail to write an article about Princess Andrews two daughters, Princess Eugenics and Princess Dobbin II AKA Princess Goofy. Joining me on this endeavour would be three Daily Mail Hacks by the name of : Toni Jones, Rebecca English and Sean O’Hare. At first, I hadn’t a clue why three ‘journalists’ were needed… Unfortunately, I was about to find out.
Despite the memory of the last joint endeavour I took part in for the Daily Mail still being somewhat of an open wound, I never the less reluctantly agreed to give it a go.
I have to say that everything started off okay. Needless to say however, I didn’t make it quite to the end… I did try though,. Boy how I tried.
My contribution is in Blue. I promise you that I haven’t changed any of the running order or continuity. It was emotional, to say the least.
Before I go I will just give you an update about the forth coming Cameron article since so many have expressed an interest. I have had a bit more info come in about the scumbag which I need to check out and maybe include. However, I hope to have the article out in the next couple of days.
Until the next time,
Germany rolls out the red light carpet: Eyes rolled as Princess Eugenie drives through a stop sign on royal visit… but it’s revealed police waved her through… At least that’s their story and they are sticking to it
As royals, they are perhaps used to having the red carpet laid out for them on official visits. In fact as Royals they are used to having everything laid out for them, the lazy fucking bastards.
But Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie looked to have come up with their own take on royal protocol during an official visit to Berlin today when their car, driven by Eugenie, went through a red light. You would have thought that with Princess Goofy’s Mother being Sarah Meatybeatie-Bigandbouncy she would have been used to Red Lights – Apparently not. Course, what I want to know is who let the Horse and Tart out in the first fucking place?
Witnesses who had gathered to watch the royals were shocked to see their Mini, which was emblazoned with the Union flag, skip the red traffic light, but it was later revealed they were waved through by police. However, the witnesses were quite in their rights to be shocked. Just who the fuck do the pair of old Slappers think they are? Just because they are Princess Andrews kids, they think that they are special. Well I got news girls; you’re not… And you’re fucking ugly as well… Just saying.
The royal sisters are working on the Great Campaign – a global initiative to attract visitors, business and students to the UK. Having said that, the pair couldn’t attract flies, let alone anything else.
The Horse & Tart drove the Union Jack-branded Mini the short distance to the British Embassy on the beginning of its journey around Germany highlighting the best of British – The car obviously, not the two parasites.
Princess Eugenie takes the wheel as the royal sisters head through Berlin. Who’s the twat in the back? Don’t answer that. It will be one of those Royal Protection Officer type blokes that we have repeatedly been told since 2008 that the two slappers are going to lose.
Princess Beatrice waves to the crowd as the Mini is slowly driven through Berlin. The crowd had gathered hoping to see Robin Gibb of the Bee Gee’s. They wasn’t disappointed.
The Princesses drove the Mini through a red light near Berlin’s Brandenburg Gate on their short journey to the British Embassy this afternoon. At the same time, I wish to fuck my colleague’s Toni Jones, Rebecca English and Sean O’Hare would shut the fuck up about the useless fucking twat jumping a red light. Fuck me! Enough already.
I just hope that the spoilt brat doesn’t leave the keys in the ignition like she did with her unlocked brand new BMW while out shopping in 2009. After all someone had then had the bloody cheek to nick it. Never the less, its easy come easy go with these parasites isn’t it?
It is in fact quite reassuring to know that we are paying the Royal ponces enough, so as that they can afford to give their 17 yr old daughters £250 Grand cars.
With photographers and police in tow, driver Eugenie and her older sister Beatrice then took a swift right into the safety of the British embassy compound. Moreover, they entered the safety of the British Embassy without a moment to spare. Three big fuck off rocks had already come close to smashing the windscreen… Or is that just wishful thinking on my part?
But the royals had not embarrassed their hosts, they had been waved through by German officers who had also blocked off part of the road, no doubt in order to stop the rock throwers getting too close.
The Queen is known to drive herself around her private estates when looking to shoot another grouse or two and Philip was famed for jumping behind the wheel of a black cab he owned,which meant he went unnoticed on the streets of London. Philip of course, needed to get around unnoticed in order to stop himself from being stoned to death. The Duck had also christened his Black Cab ‘Kizzy’ which he used to enjoy thrashing until he fucked it – Much in keeping with the way the Royals once treated their African Slaves. Apologies to my black friends, I’m just reporting the facts surrounding the racist old nonce.
Beatrice had earlier delivered her speech at the British Embassy in Berlin and began by speaking in German: ‘Guten Tag, meine Damen und Herren. Wir freuen uns beide, hier in Berlin zu sein.’
This translates as ‘Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. We are both thrilled to be here in Berlin.’
She would have liked to say more, but it took the inbred Cow 6 months of intensive training to learn that much, to which I added in German: Die Dicke Fotze.
This translates as ”The thick Cunt’.
Princess Beatrice joined in with an art class and spoke to pupils at the Berlin British School. Princess Beatrice is used to painting. She did a lot of it at her ‘Special’ school for ‘Special’ children.
Princess Eugenics and Princess Dobbin joined in with the school assembly. As you can see, both Girls saw nothing wrong with telling the children how big their boyfriend’s dicks are… Dobbin, as you can also see, has always been spoilt.
The sisters also unveiled a plaque in their honour proclaiming that they had visited the school. It is however; quite incomprehensible as to how a visit from the in-bred pair could possibly constitute being an honour.
The Royal Family have strong ties with Germany as Queen Victoria’s mother was German, as was her husband Prince Albert, as was their Great, Great Grandmother Mary of Teck, as was their Grandfather, Phil the Nazi AKA the Duck of Edinburgh. Course, the rest of their family are mostly made up of Royalty from Denmark. They are indeed then,a family of
Old Dogs Great Danes.
The Princess highlighted how the Mini – a British product now manufactured by German firm BMW Group – was an example of British and German expertise combining. In fact, very much along the same lines as her traitor family did with the German war machine in WW1 and WW2. Lest we forget… Or lest you forget, I never will… Ponces.
Following in the foot steps of their father Prince Andrew – dubbed ‘Airmiles Andy’ because of all his free flights when he was UK trade envoy – the princesses were launching the Great Britain Mini tour across Germany, a trip which will showcase the very best of British – from culture and technology to music and innovation. However, It would seem that Princess Andrew just doesn’t know when to stop taking the piss. The following is from last July’s Daily Mail:
Among the biggest spenders was the Duke of York who – despite standing down as a controversial global trade ambassador – managed to rack up £378,249 on taxpayer-funded flights.
Andrew managed to spend £236,088 on foreign tours for UK Trade and Industry, even after stepping down as its Special Representative in July. This includes £19,987 in October last year on scheduled flights to and from the Far East and a further £72,250 on a private jet for the same tour which took in China, Hong Kong and Malaysia – £92,237 in total.
He also spent £81,000 last September on a private jet to Saudi Arabia, a further £18,709 on scheduled flights to Singapore and £14,196 on tickets to Qatar and Abu Dhabi in November. Then there was £29,946 on scheduled flights to Thailand in February.
Moreover, Princess Andrew didn’t step down from the role. He was in fact sacked, partly because of his friendship with a convicted nonce and partly because he was fucking useless. The following is also from the Daily Mail:
A senior British diplomat last night fuelled growing demands for Prince Andrew’s sacking as a trade ambassador – saying he was frequently ‘rude’ and offensive to foreign dignitaries.
Sir Ivor Roberts, former ambassador to Italy, Yugoslavia and Ireland, revealed he was forced to send in officials to clear up the mess after the Duke of York offended the very people it is his job to court on behalf of British businesses.
Speaking to the Daily Mail, Sir Ivor questioned the duke’s suitability for the role, recalling that when the head of a fashion house introduced herself to him during an official visit to Italy, the royal apparently responded ‘rudely’ by saying: ‘Never heard of you.’
Furthermore, I do not doubt for a second that his useless, spoilt daughters will be just as bad in the role as he was.
The royals are travelling around Berlin attending a range of events, from a fashion fair to support the British textile industry to meeting the UK team of a German online shop. Course, the parasites can dress it up anyway they like but what young lady wouldn’t enjoy a free foreign holiday that takes in a ‘Fashion Fair’, with their sister along for company?
Beatrice, 24, said to work for a venture capital firm, and Eugenie, 22, who is completing a series of work placements, will spend Friday in Hanover highlighting the heritage and knowledge elements of the Great Campaign. Never the less, the fact that a National Newspaper cannot say for certain whether or not Goofy works for a ‘Venture Capital Firm’ is most suspect, don’t cha think? Then again, the fucking lazy bitch has had that many jobs that it is hard to keep count.
Still, I wonder if the ‘Venture Capital Firm’ is anything to do with Derek Laud? He has a finger in most things, including unwilling children. Moreover, if the Daily Mail ever find out what the name is of the VCF that she is ‘working for’ , I bet that I can find something suspect about them.
As for Eugenics, well she doesn’t seem to do fuck all for a living – except of course; trade off her name.
The royal sisters will attend the reopening of Herrenhausen palace, meet members of the Lower Saxony and Hanover administrations, and visit other historical sites. Or, put another way: After they have enjoyed the ‘Fashion Fair’ they intend to do some sightseeing. Fucking hard life, this working for a living isn’t it?
At the British School Beatrice was questioned by cheeky youngster Alex Cunningham about the famous Philip Treacy hat that she wore to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s wedding. I can’t stop laughing at this shit. As if a child would have asked Dobbin II about a hat that she wore nearly 2 years prior to this visit. Mind you, she did look a right cunt with it on.
Beatrice described the fanciful creation complete with descriptive hand gestures: “I looked like a Dick this big”, she told the nervous looking youngster.
The princesses promote the importance of education to the pupils of the British Berlin school. Princess Eugenics told the children to study hard as well as warning them not get caught frolicking naked while at school – like she did.
Princess Eugenie of York chatted to the pupils who lined the corridors waving Union Jack flags. Thankfully, she decided not to get naked on this occasion; although I feel sure, her old man would have loved too.
A Buckingham Palace spokeswoman said: ‘They were asked to do it by Number 10 to support the Great Britain campaign and they were happy to do it. In fact, it had fuck all to do with the ‘Princess’s making it known that they wanted the gig… Probably.
Furthermore, rumours to suggest that they were given the job solely because Princess Andrew has been putting pressure on the Government for his
The Duke has openly lobbied for his daughters to be given a public role, saying: “I could make use of them because they would take some of the burden off me.”
Officially, Buckingham Palace denies that the Duke has been irked by the decision to leave his daughters off the roster of working members of the Royal family, but he could be forgiven if he was a little jealous of the phenomenal popularity of his older brother’s family.
‘It’s all about raising awareness of the UK as a great place to visit or do business with.’ Either that or its all about the Leeches taking the right Royal Piss as usual.
She added that Beatrice and Eugenie’s father, the Duke of York, will pay for their travel expenses from his private funds. I added; “Will he fuck”.
At the British School Beatrice was questioned by one pupil about the famous Philip Treacy hat, dubbed a turkey twizzler, that she wore to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s wedding. No, she wasn’t for fucks sake. We discussed this on the photo caption guys. C’mon, I’m making you look like amateurs here.
Beatrice, who later sold the hat for charity for £81,000, described in detail the design to 8-year-old Alex Cunningham. Alex who was 6 at the time of the hat wearing disaster just nodded blankly at Dobbin. Obviously, the poor little boy had no idea of how much £81 Grand is. I on the other hand do have, and I think it’s a fucking disgrace that a hat is worth that much. Perhaps the spoilt bitch gave the money that she made on the monstrosity to a children’s charity or something… Then again, perhaps she fucking didn’t.
She revealed that she had not seen Mr Treacy’s creation before the wedding day in April 2011 and confessed it had been difficult to wear as every time she moved it wobbled. By now, Alex was looking at Dobbin as if she had lost her fucking mind. The child then began to nod nervously, while looking around for his Teacher, as tears began to form in the corner of his eyes.
At the time it attracted derision, mirth and utter bafflement from royal watchers, who also compared it to a toilet seat and a giant pretzel. Fair to say then, that the snobby tart looked a right twat wearing it.
Once upon a time there was a princess who lived happily ever after… Princess Eugenie sits in on story time. Then, to her surprise, Princess Eugenics realised it was the same book that she had only just finished reading for herself, last week. Look at her expression. She is saying to herself: “Ohhhh yes. I know the ending Mofo’s”.
The princesses sign the guest book and Princess Beatrice holds up her name… written in hieroglyphics. In truth, they are just doodles. She can’t fucking write.
Pupils have plenty of questions for Princess Eugenie at the Berlin British School. We know this, because obviously the Teacher had told the poor children before hand, what they had to ask the gruesome twosome.
A spokeswoman for the school praised the princesses after the visit, saying: ‘They were very friendly, very natural with the children, and seemed very happy to answer questions.’ However, she was in fact actually thinking ‘what a pair of spoilt bitches’.
Joining in a class, she wrote her name in hieroglyphics before heading to the city’s famous Brandenburg Gate with sister Eugenie to start the GREAT Britain MINI Tour. Now that is a confusing statement! Good job we have already seen the photo of Goofy’s doodling’s.Other wise we wouldn’t know who the fuck the hacks were talking about.
Never the less… We have already covered the Doodlings FFS. What is the matter with you 3 hacks? Isn’t the article boring enough as it is, without you lot droning on and on and on and on… Stop it Toni. Stop it Rebecca and stop it Sean… Amateurs!
They drove the Union Jack-branded Mini the short distance to the British Embassy on the beginning of its journey around Germany. I won’t tell you fucking three too many more times about continually repeating yourselves. Now pack it in.
Throughout 2013, the tour will visit 16 German ‘Länder’ showcasing the very best of British culture, technology, innovation, music , creativity, and highlighting why Britain is a world-class destination for trade, investment, tourism and education. Are you three cunts for real? What’s with the repeating? I know the majority of the country are brain dead and have the attention span of a Goldfish, but honestly, FUCKING PACK IT IN NOW.
We will now take another photo break, so as I can calm down.
Princess Beatrice attends the fashion fair Bread And Butter as part of her trip, which is partly aimed at boosting UK manufacturers. I ain’t half glad that I’m only a pretend Journalist. If I had to write this shit day in, day out,I would die of Boredom. No wonder the hacks are called repeaters. I’d always thought it was because they were told what to write. Apparently, it’s because they don’t stop repeating themselves… Cunts.
Always time to hit the racks: Princess Eugenie admires some outfits at the Bread & Butter tradeshow in Berlin. Yes, yes we get it. Its called the Bread and fucking Butter tradeshow for fucks sake… Grrr.
Princess Beatrice shows an interest in the clothes as part of her tour at Bread And Butter fashion fair. Ugly fucking bitch ain’t she? I hope you noticed that I didn’t bite over the hacks mentioning the Bread and Butter Tradeshow for the 3rd time
Time for a new watch? Princess Beatrice tries on some jewellery and bracelets and a watch. Time for fucking bed said Zebedee. Fuck me, this is boring… Does anyone actually read this crap?
The princesses combated the -1C chill in woollen coats – As if anyone gives a flying fuck.
Eugenie chose a cream-coloured ‘princess’ coat featuring metallic buttons while Beatrice belted her navy ‘waterfall’ style coat over a green silk Jonathon Saunders dress, costing £650, with a wide black and gold belt. Here we go. Half the country’s fucking starving, while the other half is starving and freezing to fucking death, yet the sycophantic cunts at the Daily Mail think we want to ooooh and ahhhh at how much of our money the ponces have spent on their wardrobes. Fucking idiots.
The royals are also expected to attend a fashion fair to support the British textile industry and meet the UK team of a German online shop. Do you want me to quit? Cos I fucking will, don’t cha know.
Although the princesses have no formal role as yet, a spokesman for the Foreign and Commonwealth Office indicated earlier this week that the princesses could now be seen more and more on the international stage. Course, fair to say, we didn’t expect any fucking different.
It’s not just Princess Beatrice who’s flying the flag for Britain – this monitor was bearing the Union flag at Zandalo. Right ho, lets see how many times we can plug Zandalo, shall we.
Princess Beatrice of York and Princess Eugenie of York laugh as they visit e-commerce company Zalando. Yep, there’s another one.
Princess Beatrice looks on as Princess Eugenie giggles at a laptop. Fuck me, Eugenics has finally learned how to turn a computer on… Course, that is about all that the gobby cow can turn on.
Princess Eugenie peers through a giant credit card as she visits e-commerce company Zalando. Was that another plug for Zandalo?
Anything you can do… Princess Beatrice also plays along with the credit card prop. Ha, ha, “Anything you can do”, ha, ha. Good one you three… Twats.
He said: ‘The princesses are fifth and sixth in line to the throne and are now part of that group of royals who are willing to go out and lend their support to the UK. Who said??? Mind you, whoever ‘He’ is, he did neglect to mention that the parasites are willing to go out and lend their support to the UK as long as there is a lot of money in it for them.
‘This is their first official international event but it has been made clear that they are willing to do this in the future which is great news for us. Huh??? But put another way; the Palace insists that they are allowed to do this in future – which is great news for them.
‘They are young, interesting and cool – They are young anyway – and this particular event has a young, fashionable flavour. We are delighted they are taking part.’ Apart from me, does anyone actually read this shite? And, the only reason that I read it is to amuse myself.
Although it is understood Prince Andrew has long called for the girls to have an increased royal role, sources close to the princesses insisted that their father played no part in them being asked to go to Berlin. Fuck me! Did you just see that Pig fly passed?
Princess Beatrice, during a visit to the KaDeWe department store in the centre of Berlin, Germany. Guess who is just about to receive a free Chav bag? Mind you, Goofy is used to receiving freebies. She once got an £18,000 necklace given to her by one of her Old Mans, Libyan Gunrunner friends.
Although the princesses have no formal role as yet, a spokesman for the Foreign and Commonwealth Office indicated earlier this week that the princesses could now be seen more and more on the international stage. Don’t start with the repeating again for fucks sake.
Princess Beatrice looked delighted to tour the KaDeWe department store in the centre of Berlin, Germany… She would though wouldn’t she. After all, she has just received a free ‘Chav Bag’. Having said that, to me she looked like a fucking troglodyte. Has she got a set of those Clockwork Teeth in?
‘The German authorities were keen for a young member of the British royal family to attend and, as the princesses are quite well known there, their names were mentioned to Number 10… Erm, if I could just interrupt you there please hacks. I feel that I should point out that Sean did a follow up article on this story – all by himself, like a big boy – and wrote this (I have highlighted the contradiction in red):
They even came in for a gentle ribbing from the German press who covered the two-day engagement with bemusement and mild curiosity.
‘The Berlin trip of the Merry Wives of Windsor’, cried the Berliner Kurier‘s headline, before introducing the princesses as ‘young ladies in heels that looked like school girls’.
After a recap of exactly who they were (‘No.5 and No.6 in line to the throne’), readers were reminded of Beatrice’s biggest claim to fame yet – the wearing of that Phillip Treacy hat to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s wedding.
Twat!.. Do carry on.
As a result, they were asked and were delighted to say yes,’ they said. It is true to say that the Germans look after their own, but cut the crap. We all know how the tarts got the fucking job.
‘Both are working – Beatrice has a full time job while Eugenie is doing work experience placements in the art world – so have taken annual leave to do this. I think the hacks have run out of original things to say. Hold up! What am I saying? I should have said that they ran out of original things to say ages ago.
Mind you, they do sound a bit more confident about what the free-loaders do for a living, this time around. Never the less, they still got it wrong. Eugenics does fuck all for a living and the other tart doesn’t do much more… They both like to party though.
‘Beatrice was even being briefed by government officials in her lunch hour in order to prepare for the trip. However, Eugenics wasn’t. She is far to retarded to be briefed on anything.
‘Their father had nothing to do with arranging it.’ FUCK ME! Now I know for definite that it was all Princess Andrews doing.
Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie arrive at the British School , Berlin as part of their trade trip to the German capital. And? Three of the DM’s finest wrote this shit and they are supposed to be journalists. One minute they are talking about Princess Andrew, and then on the next line they are waffling on about the Ugly Sisters arriving at the school again. Not only does it not make sense, its repeated none-sense. Give me fucking strength. Then again, maybe the twats just missed out a photo.
Princess Eugenie (left) chose a cream wool coat for the first day of the prestigious event while Princess Beatrice braved the cold in a stylish printed silk dress. Presumably that description was for the benefit of the Blind.
The sisters have travelled to Germany for a two-day tour promoting the UK as part of the Great Campaign – a global initiative to attract visitors, business and students to the UK. Gee, thanks, I wouldn’t have fucking known that. Derrrrr
Neither of the Princesses receive any public money as they are not considered to be full-time working royals. Hahahaha. As if they fucking didn’t.
However they have always been given round-the-clock Scotland Yard police protection, at an estimated cost of more than £250,000 a year each. They did receive public money then… About a quarter of a fucking million pound in fact.
The necessity for this has repeatedly been called into question, particularly in regards to the cost of guarding the two young women on their extensive gap year travels. Fucking right. Ask the British population if they think it was necessary?
Recently it was claimed that following lobbying by the cash-strapped Metropolitan Police, Prince Andrew agreed to fund the cost of their protection himself unless they were on an official engagement. And, as you might have guessed – This is a formal engagement.
But both Scotland Yard and Buckingham Palace have refused to comment on this. THAT’S IT. FUCK YOU. I’M OUTTA HERE. WANKERS.
THE PRINCESS DIARIES … HOW THEIR ‘GREAT’ SCHEDULE IS LOOKING
The German online shop Zalando has already set up in London’s Tech City. At its Berlin headquarters, Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie met Zalando’s UK team and other Berlin technology companies, such as payango, SoundCloud and Bigpoint, to discuss the latest trends in e-commerce and expansion strategies as well as the advantages of Berlin and London as technology and media centres.
Almost all the major global technology businesses have operations in the UK, many using it as a springboard for other markets. The German businesses which the Princesses met are just some of the many German companies that benefit from the advantages offered by the UK and the UK market – the number one ICT and e-commerce market in Europe worth £115billion and £70billion respectively.
During their visit to Berlin, Their Royal Highnesses supported the British textile industry and IT sector by attending the fashion fair ‘Bread & Butter’ and visiting the department store KaDeWe, where they heard about how British companies are exporting to Germany and beyond.
On Friday 18th January, the Princesses will highlight the ‘Heritage’ and ‘Knowledge’ elements of the GREAT campaign during a visit to Hanover. Their Royal Highnesses will attend the reopening of Herrenhausen Palace, meet members of the Lower Saxony and Hanover administrations, and visit other sites of historical interest.
The UK’s links with Hanover go back to the 18th century. In 1714, Prince-Elector Georg Ludwig of Hanover succeeded Queen Anne and ascended the throne as King George I of Great Britain and Ireland. There will be various events in 2014 to mark the 300th anniversary of this ‘Personalunion’, including the Lower Saxony State Exhibition “When the Royals came from Hanover” which opens on 17 May 2014.