The Heat Is On

Christopher Spivey.


Shall we take a look at some of the recent news in the Chimp?

Of course we shall.

Mind you, with ISIS being on their annual summer holidays there isn’t that much to take a look at.

So let’s start with Kate Spade.

“Who?” you ask.

Kate Spade – an obscure dress designer whom the Chimp are pushing as being a house hold name. In fact, the Monkey-Boyz deem her to be so famous that they have somehow – although fuck knows how – managed to create over 120 articles about her in the five weeks since she allegedly topped herself.

Now their latest farticle is the one you see below:

Fuck me, I didn’t know that she was married to Stephen King!

But there ya go.

Course, the fact that the cunts have published so many farticles about this virtually unknown bird does not give her credibility. In fact, as far as I am concerned it does the exact opposite.

In other words, it suggests to me that the story is fake, especially when they can’t leave the story alone and have to tweek it to keep it in the headlines… Hence the old bollox above.

I mean c’mon; her beloved dad dies of a broken heart the day before her funeral yet the best photo that the lying arseholes can come up with is a very dodgy picture of Spade’s dad and sister!

Fuck off witcha. Indeed, I strongly suspect that Spade is as real as the alleged “royal favorite” dress designer, Amelia Wickstead. (see HERE)

The same rationalization can also be applied to “celebrity chef” and Glenn Frey lookalike, Anthony Bourdain who allegedly topped himself around the same time that Spade did.

PHOTO: Bourdain and Glenn Frey (inset)

Strange how all these knob-ed celebs look so alike don’t cha think?

But once again, despite it being part of my job to know who’s who, I had never heard of Bourdain until the Harvey Weinstein bollox hit the headlines – for which Bourdain was drafted in to give the old fanny credibility.

Yet just like Kate Spade, Old Bourdain was allocated a similar huge number of headlines on his death.

Now I find that very strange because the far more famous Leslie Grantham and Peter Stringfellow also kicked the bucket at the same time but were only afforded a dozen articles each… But there ya go.

Another hoax that is being pushed of late is all these rape cases involving men who have been falsely accused.  Moreover, most of these young men appear to attend posh schools like the fella in the story below:

And whilst there is no doubt that rape is not an uncommon occurrence – nor are women’s false claims for that matter – there is definitely something fishy about the fake cases that the Chimp reports about.

Indeed, to me Frankham looks very much like the actor, Ed Gamble who starred in the BBC TV comedy, ‘Almost Royal‘.

PHOTO: Frankham & Gamble

Certainly, the ears, nose and mouth look the same, so I will repeat myself – what do you mean “that’s nothing new”, cheeky bastards: Why do so many of these people in the news all look the same?

In fact I was sitting here working away at my desk the other day, when I happened to glance across at the television and saw Les Dennis on the screen.

So what?” you say – which would be fair enough except that the show he was on was ‘The Professionals‘ which ran from 1977 until 1983. And whilst Les Dennis was on TV at that time, the Les Dennis that I clocked was the version of how he looks now… Or put another way, an old Les Dennis.

So I did some digging, namely I looked up the name of the episode in the TV guide, Googled it and accessed the cast list… No fly’s on me.

However, as I expected, Les Dennis’s name was not on there… But there was a Robert Urquhart, who you can see in the following photo:

PHOTO: Robert Urquhart

See what I mean? Indeed, Urquhart was quite a well known actor back in the day and I have in fact heard of him, although I would not have been able to put a face to the name… Hence me mistaking him for Les Dennis.

Shall we go compare?

Of course we fucking shall.

PHOTO: Urquhart/ Dennis comparison

Course, those regular readers of mine will know that Les Dennis is dodgy as fuck.

Next up, who – besides me – finds this next headline sickening?

And straight away, let me silence the Paedo-Trolls mostly called Richard Dick – I am not homophobic. I do however find words such as; “Joe Bloggs and his husband” extremely cringe worthy. “Husband & Wife” is fine, “Husband & Husband” is not in my book. “Dave and his partner Ann” is fine, as is “Dave and his partner Andrew“… Understand?

Of course you fucking do.

However, the worst part of that headline is the announcement of the arrival of their baby boy… A man and man cannot have babies. Neither should they be allowed to have. I certainly do not believe that it is healthy for a child to grow up with two men who stick their willys up each others bottoms… Fuck me, people cringe at the thought of their mum and dad having sex so how must a young child feel hearing their dad and dad going at it?

Nevertheless, what these two have done is akin to taking part in child trafficking. And the saddest thing of all is the pair of self-righteous dick-heads cannot even keep their willy’s to themselves. Indeed, the social services should be beating down the doors of those like Tom and his ‘husband’ and Elton John and his Furnishings… Absolutely fucking disgusting.

Mind you, the Chimp would probably blame it on the heat… I mean fuck me, they seem to think it is to blame for everything.

So, swimming when it is hot increases the chances of drowning does it? Fucking idiots.

And then there was this next old bollox:

I am referring to the dustbin lorry… In fact if they aren’t sinking in tarmac, they are knocking people everywhere on the streets of Glasgow.

However, let’s have a closer look at that dustbin wagon.

Now if that lorry had really sunk in the tarmac then there would have been a big bulge of it and it would have been cracked to fuck… Yet how thick do the Chimps dumb-fuck readers think that tarmac is laid on roads? Indeed, for a lorry to sink that far, the sun must have melted the aggregate underneath the tarmac too… Fucking idiots.

Nevertheless, the Monkey-Kuntz would have you believe that England has turned into a tropical partadise:

Dream on Turnips.

However, the farticle that made me laugh most had one of those ‘slide’ photos… You know the kind where you can slide a photo over another one to show before and after:

So above is the ‘after’ picture showing how the heat has affected water levels. And this next photo is a screenshot after I have started to slide the ‘before’ photo across:

Now straight away, you have to ask yourself where the hill in the background has got to in the ‘after’ photo!


I will remind you that the ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos are supposed to mirror each other. otherwise it is a waste of time having them.

And that is the kind of respect that these cunts have for their readers…

The world really has gone mad. I mean I took a pair of jeans I’d bought back to the shop because they were too tight… But would the cunts exchange them?

Would they fuck.

Beam me up Scotty.