The Duck Do


Christopher Spivey.

Is anyone buying the car crash involving the Duck of Edinburgh? Certainly, anyone who is needs a check-up from the neck up.

After all, you do not need to be a crash investigator to realise that it would be impossible for the cars to end up where they did.

The Ducks Land Rover and the other car involved.

Now according to the press, the Duck was pulling left out of the road where you see the tractor wheel in the photo above. However, the Duck claims that he was blinded by the sunlight and couldn’t see the car that hit him coming… So straight away he is guilty of dangerous driving.

Nevertheless, we are then told that the on-coming car (a Kia) hit the Duck’s Land Rover at up to 60 MPH, sending the Duck’s motor into a roll and spinning it around almost completely.

The Kia somehow then managed to end up ahead of the Land Rover… A fucking impossibility.

The picture depicted makes no sense since the Land Rover was turning left at the junction yet is seen to the right of the junction as it is struck by the Kia.

Course, the reason that the Land Rover jumps to the right is necessary to compensate for the position that it ended up… A physical impossibility.

You see, for starters the Duck was – as I just stated – turning left at the junction and as such the angle that he pulled out at would have made it impossible for the Kia to send the much heavier Land Rover into a roll… Especially since the Royal Land Rover is basically an armored car weighing over two tons.

See what I mean?

In fact even if the Kia had hit the Duck’s motor hard enough to turn it onto it’s side, the roll would have been to the left, not the right.

See what I mean? No matter where the Kia hit the Land Rover, it would have been impossible for the two motors to end up where they did, across the road.

Course, later depictions of how the accident happened tried to make it look more plausible i.e they did not show the Land Rover jumping to the right as it pulled out of the junction.

Yet for the accident to happen like that, the Duck would have had to have been turning right which would have been an unnecessary illegal maneuver and even then, the Land Rover would have flipped down the carriageway… Not across it.

Moreover, the driver and the front passenger in the Kia would most certainly have been critically injured if not killed after hitting the slow moving, two ton plus, Land Rover.

The Kia certainly would not have ended up past the Duck’s motor… Tellingly, there are no photos of the drivers side of the Duck’s motor or no photos of the Kia’s front end.

Mind you, the background to the photos themselves look dodgy.

Course, in order to take the focus off the fact that the accident would have been impossible to happen like the press present it, they add plenty of side stories to do so.

For instance, there is a baby involved in the accident for the benefit of the OMG drama queen brigade, which is in fact quite apt since the accident happened on Queen Elizabeth Way… Well it would do wouldn’t it?

We are then told that the 97 year old bastard didn’t have a protection officer with him which is as likely as man stepping foot on Mars… It just wouldn’t happen.

Prince Philip was driving alone with no bodyguard on board when he crashed and the 97-year-old royal is prone to driving off without security to keep his independence, MailOnline can reveal today.

The Duke of Edinburgh’s collision near Sandringham yesterday raises major security concerns and is a breach of protocol, experts have said.

It is understood the security team followed in a car behind and arrived ‘very quickly’, but only once Philip had been dragged to safety from his written-off Land Rover.

Fuck me, the security team following arrived that fucking quickly that the Duck had already been pulled out of the motor by a fella called Roy Warne!

And even then, the Duck was only pulled out of the motor after Warne had first pulled the baby out of the Kia so how fucking far behind was this security car?

Amazingly, our new hero Warne is a sprightly SEVENTY FIVE year old Barrister!

Police are today investigating the Duke of Edinburgh’s role in a horror car smash involving a baby and its mother as it was revealed the Queen’s husband was able to walk over and ask them: ‘Is everyone else alright?’. 

Barrister Roy Warne pulled Prince Philip, 97, from the wreckage of his Land Rover and said the royal told officers he had been ‘dazzled by the sun’ before the collision near the Sandringham Estate in Norfolk at 2.45pm yesterday.

The Kia that ploughed into him on the 60mph A-road was carrying a nine-month-old baby, its mother, 28, and another woman, 45, who suffered a broken arm and an injured knee, but the child was unhurt. 

Course you would have thought that Warne would have retired at least 10 years ago but oh no, not our hero. Our heroes all go above and beyond the call of duty and have a side story to them – which in this case, our hero was driving his wife back home from hospital after she had just been given the all clear from breast cancer:

Roy Warne, 75, was driving home from hospital with his wife Victoria, 72, who had just been given the all clear from breast cancer, when he saw the Duke’s car ‘tumbling across the road’. 

Everyone say ahhhh.

Nevertheless, you only need to watch Warne in his video interviews to realise that he is about as convincing as a Brexit report.

In fact Warne seemed to have trouble recognising that the Land Rover was on its side.

Indeed, Warne cannot even remember if he pulled the Duck out of the sun roof or through the windscreen:

‘The door was underneath. What I thought was the door was the roof. It was all through 90 degrees. I’m not sure if I got him out through the corner of the windscreen or the sun roof

Well, you do tend to get a bit forgetful once you reach 75 years old don’t you?

Mind you, you would have thought that someone as clever as a barrister would know that you NEVER drag a person out of a motor involved in a serious car crash… Especially a 97 year old person.

Indeed, unless the motor is on fire you leave the injured person where they are until the paramedics arrive to ascertain that it is safe to move them.

But then again, this is just another fairy tale with an agenda. The Duck was not in an car accident, in fact I would be very surprised if he is still living at all.

And as for the agenda in play? Well I would imagine that is the agenda to stop most people over 70 from driving… An agenda which I first mentioned in writing after the Glasgow bin lorry bollox.

Just sayin’.

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