The day the Daily Mail & Spivey collaborated on writing about the Queen’s horrible Anus.

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The Daily Mail/ Chris Spivey

In the early hours of December 30th 2012, I was contacted by no one from the Daily Mail newspaper asking me if I wished to collaborate with the renowned historian PHILIP ZIEGLER on an article reviewing the past year and its impact on the Royal Family. Having agreed, I was extended the courtesy of writing the first line:

Once upon a time,

Sixty years ago, at the age of 26, Princess Elizabeth found herself unexpectedly saddled with the burdens and responsibilities of the throne…

Such burdens, as having money beyond anyone else’s wildest dreams. Living in luxurious Palaces and travelling the world was never going to be easy. And, let’s not forget about the responsibility thrust upon the poor love of having to shoo away sycophantic servants, as well as having to bravely smile while her deluded public poured adoration upon her person. T’was then, truly a time of turmoil for young Bizzy Lizzy II. 

She was in Africa when she heard of her father’s death.

The image of her sad, slight figure descending from the plane at London Airport to be greeted by the dignitaries of the nation brought home vividly how much was being asked of her and how unfair it was that she should be thus robbed of her youth and her chance to lead a normal family life…

Having cut her Safari short, due to the fella with the annoying speech impediment – whom she believed to be her Pater – having the audacity to die a couple of weeks too early, Bizzy Lizzy II disembarked her luxury private aeroplane with the right fucking hump. So much so, that the over indulged, cold hearted spoilt bitch couldn’t be arsed to hide the fact – A habit she never got out of. Neither was her bad mood helped by the fact that there was a bunch of fawning posh old farts waiting to greet her on the tarmac, no doubt eager to talk to the new Queen about some important shit.

This display of petulance was lost on the forelock tugging masses, who in their ignorance, were left outraged by the fact that the, “paw lav’s bin robbed ov’er child’ud, I shouldn’t wonder Mrs Dawkins”.

However, in reality, the only robbing going on was being perpetrated by the miserable looking parasite.

When she was crowned the following year, the ceremony provoked an explosion of popular enthusiasm that made it seem the monarchy was the most loved and most unchallengeable of British institutions.

Of course it could not last. Even at the time there were dissenting voices…

And quite rightly so. You see, what those dissenting voices knew, was that Bizzy Lizzy had no right to be crowned Queen. She knew it, they knew it, but sadly the majority of the population didn’t. And so it was, the major fraud commenced.

‘I don’t think sodding sausages about it and that’s a fact!’ said the stalwart 44-year-old wife of a London doorman.

‘It’s a bleeding waste of money in my opinion’ …

Were some of the kinder comments on offer, by those not quite as gullible as most. Meanwhile, others who were not gullible at all, were heard to mutter; “what a cunt”.

Even in those halcyon days the hard core of republican supporters never dropped below about ten per cent of the adult population*.

*Newspapers, were Palace controlled even back then. In reality the figure was a lot higher.

From time to time over the next 50 years republicanism flared up, usually provoked by concerns over money: should the Queen pay income tax? Was it right that the upkeep of Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle should cost more than two hospitals or six comprehensive schools?

Course; there was no denying that the Republicans (who had never gone away) had a good point. Finally, in an effort to appease the stupid and safeguard her continual rape of the nation, Bizzy agreed to pay tax on a voluntary basis… “As if the fuckin’ peasants fell for that one Philip, what, what, guffaw”.

In 1992 – a year marked by a series of scandals involving Royal daughters-in-law and angry complaints about the size of the Civil List – the monarchy was at its least popular.

When Windsor Castle caught fire in November of that year it seemed to symbolise the plight of the institution it housed.

‘1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure’, said the Queen wryly.

In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, ‘it has turned out to be an annus horribilis’…

‘1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure’, said the Queen wryly… In public. However, in private she said: “For fucks sake, Fellowes, get the media people to do a hatchet job on those two slags my idiot sons married. There’s a good chap, what, what. Fuck orf”.

“That’s easy enough to do with the fat Ginger one Ma’am”, Fellowes replied fearfully, “But the public quite like Miss Diane… You’re plan may backfire”.

“Oh do shut up bleating Fellowes”, Bizzy shouted angrily while peering at the cowering toady over her diamond encrusted spectacles, “She may well be your sister in law, but you hate her just as much as one does. However, if the peasants don’t fall for it, we’ll simply have the bitch orfed once and for all”.

And so began a smear campaign against the Duchess of York AKA Sarah Ferguson and Princess Diana, the likes of which had never been seen before.

Sarah Ferguson, was as Fellowes had expected, a piece of piss to discredit. Now desperately lonely having married her Prince – only to find out that he was a more of a Queen with a penchant for little girls – Sarah began to comfort eat… And eat, and eat and eat. In fact, fuck me could that bird eat.

The MSM, blindly doing Bizzy’s bidding, began phase 1 of the smear campaign by cruelly labelling the clinically depressed, non to bright ‘Fergie’ as the Duchess of Pork.

This was followed up by phase 2 which saw the desperately lonely ‘Porky Pig’ crucified for having affairs with Texan multi millionaire Steve Wyatt and American Financial expert John Bryan.

Meanwhile, the very same reporters that were being ultra critical of Bizzys ginger haired daughter in law, totally ignored the fact that the Queen’s husband, the Duck of Edinburgh had enjoyed a long affair with Fergies mother, Susan Barrantes.

Unable to cope with being public enemy number 1, Fergie proceeded to leap from one crisis to another.

Finally, having been reduced to a broken, broke, figure of fun, the Royal family took her back in, albeit on a very short leash. 

Diana on the other hand was, as Robert Fellowes had predicted, a different kettle of fish altogether.

With the Royal Family being thick as fuck, the slightly less thick as fuck Princess, was able to turn everything that the press threw at her around to her advantage.

So, where as Fat Fergie had been crucified for having an affair, Diana’s affair with Ginger James Hewitt, which had resulted in the birth of Harry Hewitt, failed to have the same effect.

Infuriated at the smear campaigns failure, The Duck proceeded to issue all manner of death threats to James Hewitt. However, having reached a settlement, Hewitt’s life was spared on the understanding that he was to publicly deny any future reference to the afore mentioned threats.

Hewitt, obviously not as dumb as he looks, made good on this undertaking by telling detectives from Operation Paget – the investigation into Diana’s death that makes even the Waterhouse enquiry look professional – that the 2004 Daily Mail article in which it was reported that he was warned by MI5 that if he did not stop seeing the Princess of Wales he would suffer the same fate as Barry Mannakee and die in a road accident, was indeed ‘complete rubbish’.

With Diana thwarting the Royal plot to besmirch her dubiously earned good name, the Duck promptly signed her death warrant. Robert Fellowes, Diana’s hated brother in law was ordered to oversee her ‘accident’ and as such, was subsequently cleared nearly 10 years later of any wrong doing by the man put in charge of Operation Paget, the then Metropolitan Commissioner Sir Paul Condom.

Sir Condom, having done as he was told i.e whitewash the Paget report, promptly became Lord Condom. In order to achieve this ‘honour’, Condom had routinely dismissed eye witness accounts of Fellowes storming into the British Embassy in Paris and ordering the communications room to be vacated, minutes before Diana was mangled in a Merc. Instead, he concluded that Fellowes was holidaying on his Norfolk Estate at the time of the ‘accident’, based on the evidence that Fellowes told him he was.

Hmmm, swiftly moving on.

Now, as my co-writer Philip Zeigheil (rather appropriate name, don’t cha think) has already pointed out, Bizzy Lizzy remarked that: ‘1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure’, and in the words of one of Phil Z’s more sympathetic correspondents, ‘it has turned out to be an annus horribilis.’

It is my understanding that Annus Horribli is Latin for ‘Horrible Anus’ which would explain why the Queen used the plural to describe 1992 as the year that the public (Horrible arses) cottoned on to the fact that she and her family of obnoxious inbreeds were taking us for right fucking mugs… As indeed, the piss taking wankers still are to this very day.

It would have been a bold man (or a bold Queen) who would have predicted that 20 years later the Royal Family would be as popular as it has ever been – enjoying a year not horribilis but mirabilis.

The emphasis has been placed heavily on the inner family: the Queen and Prince Philip, the Prince of Wales and his two sons…

Fuck knows what “emphasis” Phil Z is on about, but he is still correct in what he says about it being a bold man ‘who would have predicted that 20 years later the Royal Family would be as popular as it has ever been’. Indeed, it would have been a bold man, because they aren’t – A truly amazing feat when you consider just how unpopular, the scrounging paedophile infested family of thieves were back in 1992.

The two young princes have enjoyed the most attention.

Any royal family needs one scapegrace member who will draw attention to the virtues of the others and provide the newspapers with some pleasantly titillating gossip.

For many years Princess Margaret played that role; in 2012 Prince Harry came into his own.

His year started promisingly when he was observed at a New Year’s Eve party in a Swiss ski resort ‘sharing a magnum of vodka and a magnum of champagne with his friends’ and came to a crescendo in Las Vegas in August when he contrived to be photographed naked in a hotel bedroom with an equally naked girl.

They had apparently been playing strip poker.

The salient point about this was that there was nothing remotely vicious about his exploits: he had merely been enjoying himself in an exuberant if slightly extravagant way.

The public could tut-tut contentedly, secure in the knowledge that, when he was not rollicking in hotel bedrooms, he was serving as a highly proficient pilot.

To underline the point, he stood in for the Queen in a Diamond Jubilee visit to Belize, the Bahamas and Jamaica and showed that he had all his mother’s charm…

And his Fathers ginger hair.

Phil Z is indeed correct in saying “Prince Harry came into his own”. At least he is if he meant that the spoilt bastard embarrassed the UK by being photographed naked with his very own, equally naked old slapper who he later ejaculated into.

Despite that fact, I cannot agree with Phil Z’s summarization that the uncouth Royals binge drinking was a ‘promising start to his year’. Indeed, had it been your average common or garden 25 year old pouring vast quantities of alcohol down their throat, they would have been severely criticized – Despite, the fact that your average common or garden 25yr old has to pay for his own alcohol.

I do in fact feel that Phil Z lets ‘Hooray Henry’ – the world’s best protected combat soldier since his Gay Uncle Andy minced it up in the Falklands – off the hook far too easily. I would therefore suggest you read my article entitled, ‘Its never Harry’s fault is it’, which can be found at the following link:  http://www.chrisspivey.co.uk/?p=5210

It was however touching to hear that Bizzy Lizzy harbors no resentment towards her step grandchild despite her loathing of his parents. I say that because she kindly passed on her all expenses paid luxury holiday to Harry.

Mind you, once it became clear that she was far too busy deciding where to seat her adored circle of close friends, made up of various brutal dictators and convicted sex offenders, at her extravagant public funded jubilee celebrations, she could have simply cancelled the dream holiday.

Then again, bearing in mind that Phil Z implies that it was a chore for Harry to step in for his Grandmama’s tour of exotic countries, perhaps Bizzy Lizzy isn’t so forgiving of the ginger dickhead after all.

Never the less, that in turn demonstrates what a fine decent young man Harry is. In fact, I would wager that you wouldn’t find many single 25 year old fellas willing to take an all expenses paid holiday in the sunny Caribbean.

The fact that Phil Z compares Harry’s role to that of Bizzy Lizzys sister, Slaggy Maggie, is testament to the man’s in depth knowledge of the Royal Hyenas.  Slaggy Maggy, a chronic alcoholic and lover of vicious gangsters with big dicks is rumoured to have been into bestiality and group sex. She has also been acknowledged as having the family’s best interests at heart. Nothing demonstrated this fact more than when the Daily Mail revealed that she destroyed correspondence between her Alcoholic, paedophile mother and her great nephew’s mother, Diana.

Obviously, with the newspaper being palace controlled, they printed every reason under the sun for Slaggy Maggie doing so, apart from the one to suggest that she was destroying vital evidence that would have implicated the family in Diana’s murder. Still, if you can’t protect your own family, who can you protect?

Not that she could protect her own son, Viscount Linley, when he was blackmailed by a couple of Australians (Australians! Hmmmm) after they discovered that he had sodomized an aide – http://www.theage.com.au/news/World/Viscount-Linley-blackmail-target/2007/10/31/1193618951557.html

Never the less, if bum fucking is good enough for Linleys cousin Big Ears, then it’s good enough for him. Besides, Slaggy Maggie was dead by the time the incident took place. As she was in fact, when Linley took a rather large loan out from the Russia Mafia, which he wrongly assumed that he wouldn’t have to repay. Then again, given his mothers gangster connections, Linley may well not have had to – had she been alive. 

Still, hark at me hogging all the story with unimportant detail. Back to you Phil Z.

His (Harry’s) elder brother, Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, is also a pilot and in June qualified to be captain of a Sea King helicopter. He served for six months in the Falkland Islands.

He had, however, made his most signal contribution to the future of the Royal Family when, the previous year, he married Kate Middleton.

When illicitly procured photographs featuring a topless Kate appeared in the continental press the sympathy which she earned for this invasion of her privacy was mitigated by the reflection that she was exceptionally well-equipped to survive such exposure with credit.

Remembering the vicissitudes of Princess Diana, some people wondered nervously whether the Duchess of Cambridge was not too good to be true. If she has feet of clay, however, she has triumphantly concealed them…

Sorry Phil, can I just interrupt… Can you refrain from using words that I can’t even pronounce, let alone know the meaning of. I mean, who the fuck uses words like “vicissitudes”? Just saying. Please do carry on.

She finally proved her fitness for her role when it was announced that she was pregnant.

Since sex will no longer determine the order of succession, the heir to the heir to the throne will thus in turn be producing an heir.

Any republican must view the prospect with the gloom felt by Macbeth when he surveyed the vision of Banquo’s progeny: ‘What, will the line stretch out to th’ crack of doom … Horrible sight!’

Two brothers, two pilot! Gosh they must be clever. If only we all had the opportunity. However, the fact that Big Willie followed in his Gay Uncle Andy’s footsteps by doing a stint in the Falklands, was no big deal. Had he been there 30 years earlier he too could have pretended to be at war. So, as it stands, 6 months playing about with a rather large chopper in the Falkland’s these days, would in fact be considered to be a fucking right good laugh to most men… Oh and just to clarify, in saying  ‘6 months playing about with a rather large chopper’, I did actually mean a Helicopter as opposed to a rather large penis… Although the majority of his family do spend a lot of time playing with penisisisisisisis.

Neither am I altogether convinced that marrying a Jew could be considered a good thing. After all, Granmama is the head of the Church of England and as such, so will Big Willie be when he becomes king. The problem is you see, a person is only deemed truly Jewish, if they are born to a Jewish Mother. Hence, Kate Gold-Digger-Smith is Jewish. That in turn would make all her and Willie’s children Jewish – the oldest of which will one day be the first Jewish head of the Church of England…  Tut, I dunno! It seems to me to be another case of anything to please those fucking Rothschild’s.

Still, I’m pleased to see that Phil Z hasn’t shied away from mentioning the topless photos. Abso-fucking-lutely disgusting.  To take advantage of the young newlywed’s naivety where the paparazzi are concerned is beyond contempt. Fair to say, a person needs to spend a good 3 or 4 years in the public eye before being able to accurately gauge the lengths that those pesky Pap’s are prepared to go to. That’s all I have to say on the matter.

Having said that, Phil Z has some front doesn’t he?  Even I wouldn’t have dared mention that kinky shit in regards to Gold-Digger-Smith’s lady garden. Stretch out the crack!!!  And then, as if he hasn’t already over stepped the mark, he goes and likens the future Queen of England’s ‘Jack & Danny’  to being like death, destruction or a very bad situation that cannot be avoided. Least I think that’s what Phil Z is on about with that Macbeth shit… I’m beginning to think that he’s just a  little bit too posh for my liking… He’s definitely very well in with them though,  if he’s  getting invited along to their Satanic meetings. 

I also notice that Phil clever clogs Z didn’t mention that little fiasco that led to a big fiasco, after Willie rushed Gold-Digger-Smith to hospital at the beginning of the month. I’m sure no one now believes that she was there because she had a bit of morning sickness. Still, perhaps he doesn’t know what it was all really to do with either, although it must have been something major for them to necessitate ‘suiciding’ a nurse… Funny how that massive story has silently slipped away, don’t cha think?

What else we got Phil Z?  

The heir to the throne has also had a good year.

In the past the Prince of Wales has been unfairly pilloried as a self-indulgent eccentric who requires a valet to put the toothpaste on his brush and who talks to his flowers.

At last, it seems, his decency, his common sense and his hard work are being properly appreciated. A typical newspaper photograph showed him at Clarence House, taking the chair at a meeting to discuss deforestation.

This is just one of the many subjects in which he takes a serious and informed interest. At one point in the year he was criticised for writing private letters to ministers.

Quite why Prince Charles should be the only person in the realm not allowed to write private letters to ministers is hard to understand.

Nor can one easily sympathise with those who maintain that the prince should hold no views – or, that if he does, he should hug them jealously to himself.

It is only necessary to compare him to the last Prince of Wales, the ill-fated Edward VIII, to realise how lucky Britain is to have a future monarch who takes an interest in serious issues and wants to do something about them…

Are you trying to wind me up Phil Z, just because I called you posh?

Decency & Common fucking Sense!!! I can then take it as read that in your opinion, a person who had a lengthy, extremely close, personal relationship with a predatory paedophile, who harboured  a penchant for shagging dead people and sexually abusing disabled kids is your idea of a decent person?

I can then also take it as read, that you are of the opinion that in maintaining that relationship up until death, such a man, could be considered to be showing common sense? What do you think these two vile men talked about, while sipping coco in front of a roaring fire? Deforestation maybe?  

Mind you, funny how you compared old Dobby to his Nazi loving, paedophile, great Uncle, who married a right old slapper, presumably because she was the only one fucked up enough to indulge him in his passion for dressing up as a baby… I like the cut of your jib Phil Z. However, the rest of what you said about Big Ears is bollocks. Try reading this article found at the following link for the real truth: http://www.chrisspivey.co.uk/?p=7143

But it is the Queen and Prince Philip who are at the heart of the system. Resolutely low-key, extraordinary in her ordinariness, the Queen in the 60 years of her reign has shown total dedication to her task and to her country. She has continued to embody qualities such as decency, respectability and familial loyalty, which are often represented as being out of fashion yet which are still cherished by the great mass of her people…

Have a fucking word Dickhead. What the fuck has she done in the 6o years that she’s been sat on the throne? She may just as well of been sat on the alternative throne since all she has done in 60 years is shit on us all.

Decency? Defined thus:  behaviour that is good, moral and acceptable in society. Where in the name of fuck is her morality when she is entertaining mass murderers, jailed sex offenders, and child sex abusers, with the finest food and drinks, that we fucking paid for? She didn’t even have the decency to invite us, let alone the good manners to thank us. She’s a cunt Phil Z, no two ways about it sunshine. Or do you find feeding time at the zoo socially acceptable?

Worse still, while the greedy psychopathic parasites are scoffing their faces with the finest food and wines our money can buy, some of those who had no option in contributing towards feeding the sick fucks, cannot even afford to buy the cancer giving cheap food to feed themselves with. Furthermore, Phil Z,  perhaps you can point me in the direction of  the warped cunts who think it morally acceptable that 15million children die every year from starvation, with her full blessing, while she holds lavish dinner parties for those responsible for keeping it that way?  

Respectability? Defined thus: when someone or something is considered to be socially acceptable.  Where are the warped cunts who think it socially acceptable for our Royal family to marry so closely into the same gene pool that their offspring are born with genetic defects? Who here, thinks it is socially acceptable to have long associations with paedophiles – through choice, not duty?

Family loyalty? Would that be attributed to her for the way she tries to hide the fact that her family fortune was made off the back of murder, torture and slavery. Or maybe she is attributed with family loyalty for the way she shields those of her immediate family who are murderers, fraudsters, thieves and paedophiles?

If that is your idea of fashion Phil Z, then you are as warped as those cunts are.

In 1935, after a triumphant drive through the East End of London, King George V returned to Buckingham Palace and, with tears in his eyes, remarked: ‘I’d no idea they felt like that about me. I’m beginning to think they must like me for myself’…

So lets get this straight. The toffee nosed posh twat drove through England’s most unhealthy, poverty ridden area, in a flash car and he thinks the people who lived there in squalor, were wishing him well? See what I mean about the leeches taking the piss and being totally out off touch with reality?  

The Queen is quite as reticent, as apparently unemotional as her grandfather, but if she had any doubts about the love – no lesser word will do – that her subjects feel for her, they must have been dissolved by the rapturous reception she was given wherever she went at the time of her Diamond Jubilee.

The Queen does not smile easily but when she does the smile is one of radiant happiness.

She smiled a lot in the summer of 2012. Perhaps the most remarkable moment of the Royal year, however, came when she opened the Olympic Games in August…

The queen! Reticent? Is she fuck. She just doesn’t like talking to anyone about anything outside of her inner circle of deviants. That is especially so in the case of the common man. She fucking hates us. No wonder the rest of the world views us as all being barking mad. How else would you describe a nation of people who lavish wealth and adoration on someone who views them with contempt and loathing?

As for being unemotional, the only emotion the parasite is truly familiar with is hate. She can’t even show her family love. To give you an idea of  the kind of Mother Bizzy Lizzy was, you only need view the Daily Mails archives. This was the opening line to an old article they did on the old sour puss:

THE Queen has mellowed from a stern mother whose children called  her ‘Your Majesty’ to a doting granny, her family have revealed.

Two more brilliant examples of how cold she was towards her children can be seen on old Pathe news reels. The first instance being the footage of Bizzy Lizzy out walking with her infant son Big Ears and baby daughter Horse Face. When Dobby tries to take his mother’s hand, she cruelly and coldly shakes his hand away.

The second bit of film is of the Queen and the Duck returning home on the Britannia after months away. Having not seen the young Dobby throughout that time, she greets the 5 year old with a formal hand shake. Is it any wonders that he’s as mad as a hatter? Fuck me; wouldn’t you be if your old man left you at the mercy of the very same paedophile that had abused him?

Phil Z reckons that the sour faced old trout smiled a lot during the Olympics. I didn’t see much evidence to back up his claim. However, given the amount of Masonic and satanic symbolism on show, she would fucking smile wouldn’t she.

Furthermore, Rik Clay, a very intelligent young man with everything to live for and who did much to expose the afore mentioned symbolism, inexplicably “committed suicide”Hmmmm, suicide seems to happen a lot where the Royal family are concerned doesn’t it?

As for Phil Z sickly line about “the love – no lesser word will do – that her subjects feel for her”, I gotta tell you that the cunts now beginning to give me the right fucking hump.

She conducted the ceremony itself with appropriate formality but her arrival at the stadium was sensational.

By an inspired piece of silliness – suggested, it is said, by the Queen herself – she allowed herself to be conducted from the Palace by James Bond, 007, thinly disguised as Daniel Craig, with a bevy of star-struck corgis in attendance.

From there it was by helicopter to the stadium where she – or a plausibly convincing double – sky-dived into the arena, appearing unruffled in the Royal box a few moments later.

The performance was totally unexpected: proof, if proof were needed, that a human being with a sense of humour and a keen awareness of the changing world lay behind that deceptively formal facade…

Sense of humour??? As if that was her idea! Get real Phil Z. It’s all bullshit, designed to give the parasites good PR, so as they can continue to make right fucking mugs out of us all. As for “ proof, if proof were needed, that a human being with a sense of humour…” I want proof that the miserable old bitch is a human being, never mind a human being with a sense of humour.

The Queen is extraordinarily good at her job…

If by that you mean adding to the nations misery and taking the right fucking piss, then you couldn’t be more right Phil Z. But what good has she done?

There is every reason to believe that another adept professional will succeed her…

Who the fuck would that be Phil Z? You cannot possibly mean Dumbo, the cretin who is an active pro eugenicist?

Even if one did not, however, the monarchy would survive. It would survive because the vast majority of the British people feel a need for it…

No they don’t Phil Z. It is precisely because they don’t, that you agreed to write this shite.

It suits the British people, and unless there is some very dramatic change of circumstances the evidence of 2012 suggests that it will last a long time yet…

Fuck off Phil Z. I’m out of here. You can write your sick fantasy on your own. Fucking Historians, Iv’e shit em.

The end.

Having now realized that I was being used to promote the Royal shit-houses  I informed the daily Mail via an unsent text, that I would not be a party to their propaganda exercise and as such, withdrew with immediate effect, my consent for them to use anything that I had already contributed to the article. Therefore, the newspaper had no choice other than to publish the parts that Phil Z wrote. If that man is a Royal Expert/Historian, then I am Johnny Depp’s identical twin brother.

Below is what the rag, masquerading as a serious and credible news source finally went to print with. Read it without gagging, I couldn’t. Meanwhile, I will continue to maintain that the Daily Mail are obtaining money under false pretences.

Until the next time,

Much love,

Chris. 

 

The year Britain lit up the world: Philip Ziegler, one of our most celebrated historians, looks back on a spectacular 2012

The daily Mail.

Resolutely low-key, extraordinary in her ordinariness, the Queen in the 60 years of her reign has shown total dedication to her task and to her country

June 4: Fireworks lit the sky, flags lined the Mall, thousands danced before giant screensJune 4: Fireworks lit the sky, flags lined the Mall, thousands danced before giant screens… and Cheryl Cole treated us to her considerable vocal talents. The Royal Diamond Jubilee concert had it all: Cliff in pink, Madness playing Our House on top of Buckingham Palace, and Prince Charles paying tribute to his ‘Mummy’

Sixty years ago, at the age of 26, Princess Elizabeth found herself unexpectedly saddled with the burdens and responsibilities of the throne.

She was in Africa when she heard of her father’s death.

The image of her sad, slight figure descending from the plane at London Airport to be greeted by the dignitaries of the nation brought home vividly how much was being asked of her and how unfair it was that she should be thus robbed of her youth and her chance to lead a normal family life.

When she was crowned the following year, the ceremony provoked an explosion of popular enthusiasm that made it seem the monarchy was the most loved and most unchallengeable of British institutions.

Of course it could not last. Even at the time there were dissenting voices.

The day before the Royal Diamond Jubilee concert, the Queen and Prince Philip attended the Thames PageantThe day before the Royal Diamond Jubilee concert, the Queen and Prince Philip attended the Thames Pageant
The Thames PageantThe Thames Pageant

‘I don’t think sodding sausages about it and that’s a fact!’ said the stalwart 44-year-old wife of a London doorman.

‘It’s a bleeding waste of money in my opinion.’

Even in those halcyon days the hard core of republican supporters never dropped below about ten per cent of the adult population.

Royal pooches in a rare moment of sunshineRoyal pooches in a rare moment of sunshine

From time to time over the next 50 years republicanism flared up, usually provoked by concerns over money: should the Queen pay income tax? Was it right that the upkeep of Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle should cost more than two hospitals or six comprehensive schools?

In 1992 – a year marked by a series of scandals involving Royal daughters-in-law and angry complaints about the size of the Civil List – the monarchy was at its least popular.

When Windsor Castle caught fire in November of that year it seemed to symbolise the plight of the institution it housed.

‘1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure,’ said the Queen wryly.

‘In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, it has turned out to be an annus horribilis.’

It would have been a bold man (or a bold Queen) who would have predicted that 20 years later the Royal Family would be as popular as it has ever been – enjoying a year not horribilis but mirabilis.

The emphasis has been placed heavily on the inner family: the Queen and Prince Philip, the Prince of Wales and his two sons.

More…

The two young princes have enjoyed the most attention.

Any royal family needs one scapegrace member who will draw attention to the virtues of the others and provide the newspapers with some pleasantly titillating gossip.

For many years Princess Margaret played that role; in 2012 Prince Harry came into his own.

The Duchess of Cambridge on a visit to the Solomon Islands as part of the Jubilee celebrationsThe Duchess of Cambridge on a visit to the Solomon Islands as part of the Jubilee celebrations

His year started promisingly when he was observed at a New Year’s Eve party in a Swiss ski resort ‘sharing a magnum of vodka and a magnum of champagne with his friends’ and came to a crescendo in Las Vegas in August when he contrived to be photographed naked in a hotel bedroom with an equally naked girl.

They had apparently been playing strip poker.

The salient point about this was that there was nothing remotely vicious about his exploits: he had merely been enjoying himself in an exuberant if slightly extravagant way.

The public could tut-tut contentedly, secure in the knowledge that, when he was not rollicking in hotel bedrooms, he was serving as a highly proficient pilot.

To underline the point, he stood in for the Queen in a Diamond Jubilee visit to Belize, the Bahamas and Jamaica and showed that he had all his mother’s charm.

His elder brother, Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, is also a pilot and in June qualified to be captain of a Sea King helicopter. He served for six months in the Falkland Islands.

He had, however, made his most signal contribution to the future of the Royal Family when, the previous year, he married Kate Middleton.

When illicitly procured photographs featuring a topless Kate appeared in the continental press the sympathy which she earned for this invasion of her privacy was mitigated by the reflection that she was exceptionally well-equipped to survive such exposure with credit.

Remembering the vicissitudes of Princess Diana, some people wondered nervously whether the Duchess of Cambridge was not too good to be true. If she has feet of clay, however, she has triumphantly concealed them.

Soldiers spell out their allegiance on the parade groundSoldiers spell out their allegiance on the parade ground
Royal fans demonstrate the DIY spirit, by creating their own Buckingham Palace balcony sceneRoyal fans demonstrate the DIY spirit, by creating their own Buckingham Palace balcony scene

 

Street parties sprang up across the land (though when Foster's lager became the national drink is not clear)Street parties sprang up across the land (though when Foster’s lager became the national drink is not clear)

She finally proved her fitness for her role when it was announced that she was pregnant.

Since sex will no longer determine the order of succession, the heir to the heir to the throne will thus in turn be producing an heir.

Any republican must view the prospect with the gloom felt by Macbeth when he surveyed the vision of Banquo’s progeny: ‘What, will the line stretch out to th’ crack of doom … Horrible sight!’

The heir to the throne has also had a good year.

In the past the Prince of Wales has been unfairly pilloried as a self-indulgent eccentric who requires a valet to put the toothpaste on his brush and who talks to his flowers.

At last, it seems, his decency, his common sense and his hard work are being properly appreciated.

While Prince Charles played at being a weatherman...While Prince Charles played at being a weatherman…
...his son Prince Harry played the fool…his son Prince Harry played the fool

A typical newspaper photograph showed him at Clarence House, taking the chair at a meeting to discuss deforestation.

This is just one of the many subjects in which he takes a serious and informed interest. At one point in the year he was criticised for writing private letters to ministers.

Quite why Prince Charles should be the only person in the realm not allowed to write private letters to ministers is hard to understand.

Nor can one easily sympathise with those who maintain that the prince should hold no views – or, that if he does, he should hug them jealously to himself.

It is only necessary to compare him to the last Prince of Wales, the ill-fated Edward VIII, to realise how lucky Britain is to have a future monarch who takes an interest in serious issues and wants to do something about them.

But it is the Queen and Prince Philip who are at the heart of the system.

Resolutely low-key, extraordinary in her ordinariness, the Queen in the 60 years of her reign has shown total dedication to her task and to her country.

She has continued to embody qualities such as decency, respectability and familial loyalty, which are often represented as being out of fashion yet which are still cherished by the great mass of her people.

In 1935, after a triumphant drive through the East End of London, King George V returned to Buckingham Palace and, with tears in his eyes, remarked: ‘I’d no idea they felt like that about me. I’m beginning to think they must like me for myself.’

Masks and Union flag outfits became the summer's must-have fashion itemsMasks and Union flag outfits became the summer’s must-have fashion items
The monarchy will survive because the vast majority of the British people feel a need for itThe monarchy will survive because the vast majority of the British people feel a need for it

The Queen is quite as reticent, as apparently unemotional as her grandfather, but if she had any doubts about the love – no lesser word will do – that her subjects feel for her, they must have been dissolved by the rapturous reception she was given wherever she went at the time of her Diamond Jubilee.

The Queen does not smile easily but when she does the smile is one of radiant happiness.

She smiled a lot in the summer of 2012. Perhaps the most remarkable moment of the Royal year, however, came when she opened the Olympic Games in August.

She conducted the ceremony itself with appropriate formality but her arrival at the stadium was sensational.

By an inspired piece of silliness – suggested, it is said, by the Queen herself – she allowed herself to be conducted from the Palace by James Bond, 007, thinly disguised as Daniel Craig, with a bevy of star-struck corgis in attendance.

June 3: Thousands of well-wishers lined the banks of the Thames as the Queen and Prince Philip braved the cold and rain - and the BBC's finest commentators - to front the 1,000-vessel Thames PageantJune 3: Thousands of well-wishers lined the banks of the Thames as the Queen and Prince Philip braved the cold and rain – and the BBC’s finest commentators – to front the 1,000-vessel Thames Pageant

From there it was by helicopter to the stadium where she – or a plausibly convincing double – sky-dived into the arena, appearing unruffled in the Royal box a few moments later.

The performance was totally unexpected: proof, if proof were needed, that a human being with a sense of humour and a keen awareness of the changing world lay behind that deceptively formal facade.

The Queen is extraordinarily good at her job.

There is every reason to believe that another adept professional will succeed her.

Even if one did not, however, the monarchy would survive. It would survive because the vast majority of the British people feel a need for it.

It suits the British people, and unless there is some very dramatic change of circumstances the evidence of 2012 suggests that it will last a long time yet.

While the Queen wore a shawl to protect her from the elements, the other passengers on the Spirit of Chartwell - Prince Harry, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Philip - went coatless. Philip was later hospitalisedWhile the Queen wore a shawl to protect her from the elements, the other passengers on the Spirit of Chartwell – Prince Harry, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Philip – went coatless. Philip was later hospitalised

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