The All New Westmonster Hoax


Christopher Spivey


I am finding it increasingly harder to write about these fraud attacks because they are just so imbecilic now that you have to be a half-way-retard to believe them.

I am of course referring to today’s terrapin attack in London.

And coincidentally this latest bollox has happened a day after I wrote in my last article how sporadic these terrapin attacks are, yet the monster-minions didn’t take all that I wrote on board since if these terrapins had any sense at all they would have staged another five ‘car’ attacks in different parts of London at the same time in order to cause maximum chaos.

Moreover, it would not have taken place at 7:30 in the morning when the roads and pavements around Westminster would still be relatively quiet.

Course, the cunts are ramping up the terror by comparing the attack to the fraud Westminster Bridge attack [not] carried out last year by Mad Masood.

And although I wrote over 100,000 words and used countless photographs to prove beyond all doubt that Masood’s attack was a hoax, in my articles “A Bridge Too Far. Parts 1-3“, that fact can be proved in just a few paragraphs.

You see, the official story is that Masood crossed Westminster Bridge in 30 seconds, killing four people and injuring countless others yet to travel 820 feet (250 M) – the length of the bridge – in 30 seconds, Mad Masood would have been roughly averaging a super-scary speed of 18 MPH.

Indeed, I arrived at that 18 MPH figure by converting MPH (miles per hour) to FPS (feet per second), which is calculated by dividing the MPH by 2 and then multiplying by 3 Source.

Therefore 18 (MPH) ÷ 2 = 9, then multiplied by 3 = 27 (FPS). So, just to clarify for the thick-fucks: Someone travelling at 18 MPH will cover a distance of 27 feet every second.

And since it took Mad-Max 30 seconds to cross the bridge, we times 30 by the 27 (FPS) which gives us 810 feet (the bridge is 820 feet long according to Wikipedia and 827 feet long according to other sources), whereas 19 MPH would take the distance traveled over 30 seconds to 855 feet:

The new [Westminster] bridge that is still there today is 827 feet long, and built of iron. It has withstood everything the city has been able to throw at it, and shows few signs of aging. Source

Course, getting hit by a two tonne motor at 76 MPH (Masood’s official speed) is certain fucking death, whereas on the other hand, getting hit at 18 MPH by a two tonne motor is going to give you a nasty bruise.

Fuck me, it’s no wonder that the Westminster Bridge is also known as the Bridge of Fools.

Nevertheless, despite today’s ‘attack’ taking place at 7:37 AM, the Chimp once again magically released their first farticle on the old bollox at 7:49 AM –  just 12 minutes after it had happened.

Fuck me the Monkey-Kuntz knew an awful fucking lot in 12 minutes didn’t they?

Yet how the fuck could they determine that the car was travelling at 50MPH in such a short time? Were they already there to time the mush? And how could they determine that he was a “terror suspect“? He could have been pissed for all they knew… Is it coz he was black?

Moreover, we have the early underestimate in numbers since the number of cyclists has now risen from 10 to 15.

Yet when we look at the car – a Ford Fiesta – we see that it comes from the wrong way, down a one-way-street:

Nevertheless, it is safe to assume that the “fifteen” cyclists were in a group waiting at the traffic lights, to turn into parliament square… Although that is a high number of cyclists in one group at 7:37 AM… Even for London. Or does everyone in London start work at 8 AM?

Mind you, looking at the photos there doesn’t look to be 15 bikes there and I find it hard to believe that – even if the terrapin had diverted – that he would have been travelling at 50 MPH.

I mean, in the above photo the attack must have just happened because there is still a fella laying in the road and another sat, leaning back against the lamp-post. Although fuck knows where the other thirteen victims are.

And to support that claim that the attack has just happened is the fact that the area doesn’t have a “terror act cordon” in place yet – a new term repeatedly used in the article.

Nevertheless, now take a look at these official statistics:

If someone is hit by a car at 40 mph they are 90% likely to be killed.

If someone is hit by a car at 30 mph they are 50% likely to be killed.

If someone is hit by a car at 20 mph they are 10% likely to be killed. Source 

Yet none of those fifteen ‘victims’ – who had to be in a single group to have all been hit by the Fiesta – were killed after being hit at 50MPH which is in stark contradiction to that 90% death rate when hit at 40MPH.

Mind you, it seems that clearing the bikes from the scene took priority over the victims since they were all certainly gone a half hour after the attack!

Fucking amazing!

Course, when you hit a pedestrian at speed, if the car is braking then the victim is launched anywhere from 20-80 feet forward through the air. If on the other hand you are hit by a car that isn’t braking you are flung into the air and over the top of the car roof.

However, if a car hits a bike then the bike GOES UNDERNEATH THE FUCKING THING.

Yet I can’t see a single bike under the car there can you?

And as for the two wounded who were taken to hospital – the other 13 didn’t need to apparently despite the 90% death statistic – well take a look at the following:

Now in the above screenshot we see the victim who was laying in the road – although fuck knows how he/she got there – being carted away on a stretcher whilst the fella against the lamp-post is being treated by paramedics… Yet all the bikes have been carted away.

Nevertheless, let us concentrate on the mush leaning against the lamp-post. You see that is him, arrowed by me, in the photo below talking to his mate.

I can’t see 15 bikes there and the press photographer was very quick of the mark.

Nevertheless, let me crop that photo for you so as you can get a better look at victim-matey chatting to his chum.

He looks fine doesn’t he?

And here he is again looking fine.

So his mate reaches over and tells him that he is looking TOO fine and it is time to die.

So down he goes.

Dead… Well nearly dead anyway.

And then there is the short-arsed ghost on a motorbike.

PHOTO: The short arsed ghost on the motorbike passes the ‘victim’ on the ground while a tall guy picks up a bike with no front wheel.

PHOTO: Surely they are going to collide?

PHOTO: Oh it’s ok, the short arsed ghost on a motorbike drives right through the bike.

PHOTO: Not only did the short arsed ghost on a motorbike drive through the bike, he also magicked the bikes front wheel back! 

Course, once the terrapin had run over the 15 cyclists  – an excellent reason to ban bicycles if you ask me –  the cunt then rammed a security barrier, presumably at 50 MPH, causing minimal damage to the car.

Nevertheless, once again the terrapin defies the law of physics. You see, as a result of a car having a head on collision at 50 MPH, the front doors no longer open… Except in this case, they both do.

And they are very long, wonky doors to boot:

In fact the driver’s door seems to have come off!

Oh yes, it has definitely come off.

Yep. There can be no doubt about it, the driver’s door has come off.

Oh wait… My mistake, the fucking thing is back on again.

And then there are the usual heroes:

And why?

Well, because we are “English” of course:

But Mr Nicholson told Sky News he did not feel shaken by what happened, saying: ‘Being English, you have a cup of tea and a biscuit and you carry on.’

Yet I am fucked if I can see Mr Nicholson chasing after the car in any of the videos:

Do you reckon that Mr Nicholson is a fucking lying cunt?

I do… And so is Geoff Woodman:

One cyclist, a management consultant, told MailOnline how he cheated death as the speeding car ploughed past him – knocking down the cyclist next to him.

Geoffrey Woodman, 27, from Battersea, was cycling to work when he heard a ‘loud screech’ and the car slammed into the woman on the bicycle next to him.

I felt very shocked,’ he said. ‘It was a very odd experience to have. It happens more and more but you never expect it to be you. It was so close.

‘One slight turn of the wheel and it would have taken me out. I had pulled up to the red light by Parliament Square and put my foot down.

‘After about ten seconds I heard a car screeching over the bridge.

HUH??? What fucking bridge? Sorry, ignore me… Carry on:

It was obscured behind a van at first but then it cut out in front of us through the red light on the wrong side of the road.

‘It swerved left and hit the lady two bikes to my left. It was going about 40 to 50mph. Its windscreen hit her quite hard as she was trying to jump off to the left.

‘I’m jumping off to the right and once it had gone past I looked to the left and saw her on the ground with bikes everywhere. It was chaos.

‘She was a middle-aged lady, about 40 to 45 years old, about 5ft 5in tall. She was wearing cycling gear, grey trousers, a bright top and a helmet.

‘She was on the ground talking to about ten other cyclists who were clustered around her. She was in a lot of distress. Source

Lying cunt… Don’t forget to donate to ensure that this site can carry on.

Just sayin’.