Silly with money


Christopher Spivey

You see, the thing about these TV money experts such as Martin Lewis is the fact that they are all cunts.

I mean, if they are money experts why do they never turn around and tell you that you are being conned and that the bank notes in your pocket are worth fuck all? … In fact bank notes are nothing more than glamorous IOU’s pre-printed with a set amount, backed by a false promise.

Moreover, somewhere around 90 % of money in circulation doesn’t exist – at least not in any physical form anyway.

In other words, if we all went to empty our bank accounts tomorrow, there would be mass rioting because the banks don’t have your money.

It is no wonder then that Henry ford is quoted as saying:

It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.

The whole corrupt banking system is a con and sooner or later, it is going to collapse.



Now I know I’m preaching to the converted here, but there are newbies joining us everyday who know fuck all about this shit.

Therefore it makes sense for me to write articles as if I am writing for a whole audience of newbies if it keeps them here rather than them fucking off because they haven’t a clue as to what the fuck I am on about.

You know what I mean?

Course you do.

Like when I write “you all need to wise up and quickly too ya fucking idiots”, I’m not referring to you lot… Apart from the newbies of course… In other words; just some of you… Who are never the less, still nice people.

In fact, just to clear up any possible confusion; I should clarify – what I’m sure you already know, thus negating the need to clarify anything really – that when I refer to you all as being thick as pig shit ( as I often do), I am not in fact referring to you, who in the main are proper clued up cunts – albeit no doubt some of you are as thick as pig shit, in which case, I am referring to you, but only you as opposed to the other yous who make up the vast majority of you on her.

However, that majority of Yous is, in reality, a small minority in terms of the you in relation to the UK population who are as thick as pig shit… As a general rule.

To simplify that further you can liken it to the way that I call Jews cunts, because as I hope you know by now that when I refer to Jews as cunts, I’m not talking about Jews – who are in the main very nice (although my daughter Staceys Uncle isn’t . I could have cheerfully battered that cunt many times in the past, who is to be fair, also Jewish)  – I am in fact talking about the Jews who are proper evil cunts… Understand?

I love the Jews, its just the Jew cunts that I have issues with, thus when referencing  Jew cunts I don’t mean the Jews, who aren’t cunts… Except Stacey’s Uncle who is a cunt… And Jewish… But not a Jew Cunt… Simple and hardly rocket science, don’t cha know.

Phew! I think that went well Dogman, don’t you?

I was actually quite dreading having to explain what I mean… Never the less, you may need to clarify for one or two proper thick cunts who will inevitably comment that they haven’t a Scooby what I’m on about.

Okay, where was I up to?

Oh yes I was talking about the banking system being a con.

This is because of the Fractional Reserve Banking Syst… Excuse me, just a moment longer… Sorry, but it won’t take long.

Dogman, I don’t want to tell you how to suck eggs mate, but anyone who does comment that they don’t understand what I was trying to say; If I were you I would reply by likening what I just needlessly clarified above, to the way in which I can sometimes come across as being slightly homophobic to those who are as thick as pig shit.

I mean, as you well  know when I go into one, I might call some one a queer cunt or a gay fucker but I don’t mean it to be disrespectful to the vast majority of  homosexuals who are definitely not queer cunts or gay fuckers.

In fact, as a general rule, it is only heterosexual males that I refer to as being evil arse bandits – Except on the odd occasion when I’m talking about the likes of Peter Mandelson of course.



After all, he is evil and does stick his willy in his boyfriends bottom… Which I should point out is perfectly acceptable to me, as long as its between two, or three or four or even any amount of consenting adults.

And when I say that its acceptable to me, I don’t mean it is acceptable to me but only because I don’t want a fucking Willie up my bottom, and neither do I want to put my Willie up a mans bottom… But I’m sure you know what I mean.

It is actually quite laughable that people think that I am homophobic when you consider that in truth I fucking love Gay people… By that, I don’t mean ‘fucking love’ literally as that would obviously imply that I’m a fully paid up member of the Blue Oyster Club, when I don’t even drink for fucks sake.

But like I say, there is nothing wrong at all with two men sticking their Willys in each others bottoms if that is what they want to do.

And I will also repeat just for the sake of clarity that I haven’t personally ever had a willy up my back passage – or ever want to have for that matter… No disrespect to my gay friends who regularly come here… As in read my stuff, not cum as in Harry Monk.

What I mean to say is the gay people who read my stuff are Trojans and if I ever change my mind about wanting a Willy up the bum, it will be one of my loyal gay friends who I let gently make love to me.

After all, I wouldn’t let just any Tom Dick or Harry roger me senseless… I’m not a slag for fucks sake.

Having said that, I don’t want you Trojans getting your hopes up because the chances are, I will never ever want shagging by you or any man… Not even Johnny Weissmuller back in his prime.


And by the same token, neither will I ever want to shag someone up the Jacksy… Well not a fella anyway.

Obviously I would consider sticking my willy up a woman’s bottom. If that is what she wanted me to do of course… Fucking kinky bitch.

But to be quite, quite frank, its none of your fucking business if I have ever popped ‘big Chris’ into any of my ex girlfriends bums.

In fact what the fuck has it got to do with you lot if I have done or not? … I can’t quite believe that you have the fucking nerve to ask me that to be honest.

Best we just get on with the article I think… Nosey cunts.

Okay…The Fractional Reserve Banking System (FRBS)?  This is how it worked the last time I looked, which would be about 3 years ago.

Course, the goal posts are continually being shifted and new information is continually coming to light, rendering the old, obsolete.

Still, I’m sure someone will put me right on any errors.

Now, what you need to know is that new money coming into circulation is created through debt. So every time someone takes out a mortgage or a car loan or whatever  kind of loan, you create that new money with your signature.

So, if you take out, say a 50 Grand mortgage, that 50 Grand is created out of thin air by your signature. It is your money, yet the bank or building society or loan company will all swear blind that it is their money that you are borrowing off them, and as such, make you pay it all back.

To then rub salt into your wounds, the cunts will charge you interest meaning that they have not only stolen your 50 Grand which you then have to repay back – they are also charging you money for them giving you their none existent loan in the first place.

And just for convenience sake, lets say that interest was 10 percent of your 50 grand loan.

That means your Mortgage provider is going to make a turnover of £105,000 without a single bank note being printed.

Moreover, if you default on repaying this none existent loan, the bank or building society are going to take away your very real  home… And sell it at auction to add to their profits.

Yet these TV and media Money ‘Experts’ don’t so much as mention this… Strange, don’t cha think?

But neither does it end there.

You see, the FRBS allows banks to create ten times the amount of their deposits and can be as much as up to 50 times the amount.

What the banks cant do is lend their deposits. But that doesn’t matter a fuck because of the huge amounts made on the none existent money created by the deposit.

The following is a simple explanation of how this multiplying of money created by a bank deposit works (Just substitute Pounds & pence for Dollars & cents):

when a dollar is deposited, the bank creates 90 cents and lends it out. Now there is $1,90 (the deposit, plus the new 90 cents). The new 90 cents are then deposited in another account, perhaps at another bank. This 90 cent deposit is used to create 81 cents. Now there is $2,71 in circulation.

Next the 81 new cents are deposited at the next bank, who the proceeds to lend out 72 new cents, after which there is $3,43 in total. Etcetera…

After the whole process is done there are 10 new dollars in circulation.

So this is the sleight of hand of fractional reserve banking: the bank requires a deposit to lend, but it does not lend the deposit.

It creates the credit the minute it is lent out. Individual banks almost double the deposit, but the banking system as whole in this way ultimately creates 10 new dollars on every dollar that is deposited.

To fully appreciate the extent of this fraud, it is crucial to understand that the banking system is one, as we previously discussed.

All the banks own each other so basically there is one banker at the top that does indeed create all the money out there.

Now, in the Daily Chimpanzee article below, Martin Lewis, knob-ead celeb money expert is saying that we have to discourage our kids from being money borrowers (putting themselves in debt… That is our job at which we have excelled).

Course, under the money scam not borrowing would plunge us into hardship, since the more people borrowing means more employment, higher wages etc, etc… At least until the corrupt cunts raise interest rates, bringing borrowing to a swift end.

Remember, new money is brought into circulation through borrowing so it follows that the less borrowing there is; the less money that there is in circulation.

The less money in circulation in turn means less growth which if not halted will lead to recession.

If you lower the interest rates borrowing becomes more attractive and the more borrowing that goes on, the more money floods into the system leading to a boom.

Course, anyone old enough will be able to think back and recognize that pattern of boom – bust, boom – bust.

And lets face it, people in general are good at thinking back.

Its just the forward thinking that they are fucking useless at, boom boom…  Just made that up as I wrote it… Fucking wasted I am.

Perhaps me and Russell Brand should trade places… See? Non fucking stop. I should be on the fucking stage me.

“Yeah the first one out of town preferably Spiv”

Hmmm, seems everyone’s a comedian Voice of Reason… Fuck off.

Anyway, getting back to it, we have these so called money experts on TV who will never tell you any of the above shit. Then again, I suppose there is always the chance that they don’t know about the money scam themselves.

And, whilst I may find that hard to believe, it is true to say that the vast majority of the population are still hypnotised.

Funnily enough, to re-enforce that fact I actually had a policeman come here for a tattoo last week. Nice enough fella I suppose and having tattooed him twice before in the past, the conversation came to both of us easily enough.

So, during the course of  me  tattooing him – his father had just died and he wanted some wording up his forearm in time for the funeral – we maintained a steady chat although I always stick to trivialities since I do need to concentrate… Trust me, tattooing is not as easy as it looks and Customers tend to get the hump if you doodle on them because you are too busy chatting away like a right clever cunt instead of looking at what you are fucking doing.

Besides that, when alls said and done he is a serving policeman and old habits tend to die hard with me, meaning that my motor mouth was set at no higher than ‘tick over’.


Course, the fella knows from prior visits that I am a little bit political, although it was blatantly obvious that he hadn’t a Scooby about how political… I’m just Chris the Tattooist to him.

Anyway, whether he brought the subject of 9/11 up knowing that I’m a ‘little bit political’ or he genuinely wanted to share his thoughts on the event is not known to me.

But regardless of the reason, he did confide in me that he doesn’t believe we are being told the whole truth about the Muslim Terrorist Attack on the WTC… Which I found fascinating – a real eye opener in fact, what with me just being a tattooist and all.

Never the less, unlike this customer, I’m never off duty so I thought I would gently lead him to talk about his job and how pissed off he must be with what is happening to our police force.

I should have just got on with the job in hand though despite him sounding genuinely pissed off with his career choice.

He just wasn’t pissed off  for the reasons that I hoped he would be.

You see according to him, policemen don’t have enough power and really need to be armed in the course of their duty.

And, despite me trying my best to remain deadpan, he must have seen a  look of irritation flash across my face since he also assured me that he knew what he was talking about because he is in the Rapid Response team and “you never know what you are going to be met with when you turn up at a job”.

I was quite surprised at that revelation myself, being as he works out of Southend Central.

I mean fuck me! I would have thought that him and his 5 colleagues covered head to toe in body armour with utility belts that put Batman’s to shame would have perfected sitting on a rowdy, pissed EastEnder out on a jolly to Southend for a day by the sea.


But what do I know?

As far as I am concerned, having a loan to get yourself out of trouble is silly.

In fact, having a loan to get yourself in trouble is silly

Expecting a money expert to talk sense is also silly.

Believing that a policeman would have the sense to realise that he is being used as a robocop is silly too.

In fact, the whole fucked up world is just to silly for words.


Wonga adverts are ‘grooming’ children to become next generation of borrowers, and must be banned

  • Money-saving expert condemns adverts as ‘inappropriate propaganda’
  • 14% of parents of under-10s say their children nag them to take out loans
  • Labour’s Ed Miliband accuses industry of being ‘worst symbol’ of crisis
  • Wonga’s Niall Wass insists 80% of first-time loans are rejected
  • Claims firm treats customers as ‘sensible, rational human beings’
  • Bafta-nominated director hired to create film on 12 Wonga customers
  • Business minister Jo Swinson says: Get debt advice not a quick-fix loan


PUBLISHED: 08:41, 5 November 2013 | UPDATED: 17:11, 5 November 2013

Payday lenders were today accused of ‘grooming’ very young children to become the next generation of borrowers.

Money expert Martin Lewis condemned adverts during children’s TV as ‘inappropriate propaganda’, which means even the under-10s now nag their parents to borrow money to buy toys.

It came as Labour leader Ed Miliband claimed payday lenders have created a ‘quiet crisis’ of families trapped in debts which they can never repay.

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Puppets: Martin Lewis condemned the use of adverts designed to appeal to children and 'normalise' borrowingPuppets: Martin Lewis condemned the use of adverts designed to appeal to children and ‘normalise’ borrowing

Anger over to the high interests rates of the quick-fix loans as Wonga, QuickQuid and Mr Lender – three of the biggest payday lending firms – were grilled by the Business, Innovation and Skills Select Committee.

They insisted their affordability checks are similar to those used by credit card companies.


But Mr Lewis, founder of the website, called for a blanket ban on advertising designed to ‘normalise’ the idea of short-term loans among children.

He accused the firms of ‘grooming a new generation towards this type of borrowing’.

He told the committee: ‘If you think we have got problems now, you wait for 10 years’ time. Grooming is the right term. We are talking about a market that didn’t exist five years ago.’

Ban: Martin Lewis, founder of MoneySavingExpert said adverts for payday lenders should not be allowed on children's TVBan: Martin Lewis, founder of MoneySavingExpert said adverts for payday lenders should not be allowed on children’s TV

He condemned the adverts as ‘deliberately contrived and controlled’, singling out Wonga’s adverts featuring puppets to appeal to children.

A survey on found a third of parents reported their under-10s repeating payday lenders’ slogans, while 14 per cent said that when they had refused to buy a toy, their child had nagged them to take out a payday loan.

‘We are normalising this. This niche lending of last resort has become normalised as a mainstream form of credit by the use of advertising.

 ‘So where would I start? A full ban on any children’s’ television adverts. It is a disgrace. I use the term grooming quite deliberate. Once we have done that we need to look at the style and nature of the advert.

‘Cartoon puppets that make it seem fun that deliberately fly in the face of the messages we know we need to get out there.

He called for ‘health warnings’ to be prominently displayed about the dangers of payday loans.

Lenders have come under intense scrutiny from the Competition Commission and the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) since the report was published in September amid reports of widespread impropriety in the sector.

In a major speech today, Labour leader Mr Miliband launched a strongly-worded attack on the likes of Wonga, which he branded ‘one of the worst symbols of this cost of living crisis’.

He accused short-term loan firms of targeting the vulnerable and targeting customers who get into trouble with ‘bullying, harassment and threats’.


Cartoon-like advert for payday lender

Crisis: Labour leader Ed Miliband launched an outspoken attack on payday lenders, who accused of targetting vulnerable people who are threatened and bullied when they get into financial troubleCrisis: Labour leader Ed Miliband launched an outspoken attack on payday lenders, who accused of targetting vulnerable people who are threatened and bullied when they get into financial trouble
Stories: In a speech at Battersea Power Station Mr Miliband said he had met people who had fallen foul of threats and bullying by payday lendersStories: In a speech at Battersea Power Station Mr Miliband said he had met people who had fallen foul of threats and bullying by payday lenders

Mr Miliband used the speech at Battersea Power Station to step up his attack on the government over living standards, accusing the coalition Government of ‘shrugging their shoulders’ about low wages and rising prices.

He called for a cap on the cost of credit in payday lending, as Wonga, QuickQuid and Mr Lender – three of the biggest payday lending firms – were grilled by the Business, Innovation and Skills Select Committee.

Wonga’s chief operating officer Niall Wass last night launched film by Bafta-nominated director Gary Tarn to counteract criticism about its huge profits and sky-high interest rates.

Mr Wass said insisted families who use his firm are not ‘desperate people’ and said the film was designed to show the ‘silent majority of customers’ who are not poor and vulnerable.

‘Payday lenders don’t speak for the silent majority. They are responsible for a quiet crisis of thousands of families trapped in unpayable debt.’

Labour leader Ed Miliband

But Mr Miliband insisted: ‘The truth is he wants us to stay silent about a company where in one year alone their bad debts reached £120 million.

‘An industry in which seven out of ten customers said they regretted taking out a loan, with half saying they couldn’t pay it back.

‘Payday lenders don’t speak for the silent majority. They are responsible for a quiet crisis of thousands of families trapped in unpayable debt.’

He went on: ‘The Wonga economy is one of the worst symbols of this cost of living crisis.’

Mr Miliband questioned how this is being allowed to happen in Britain in 2013. ‘These stories of payday lenders are just one part of the cost of living crisis facing families across our country.

‘Low skilled jobs. Wages that are stagnating. Predatory behaviour by some companies.

‘This isn’t just an issue for the lowest paid, it affects the squeezed middle just as much.’

Grilling: Payday lenders including Wonga, Mr Lender and QuickQuid were called to give evidence by the Business, Innovation and Skills committeeGrilling: Payday lenders including Wonga, Mr Lender and QuickQuid were called to give evidence by the Business, Innovation and Skills committee

Mr Miliband said that last Friday he met a woman ‘in floods of tears’ at a Citizens Advice Bureau in his Doncaster North constituency.

He said:  ‘She was in work but she took out a payday loan for her deposit so she could rent somewhere to live.

‘And then disaster followed. A payday loan of a few hundred pounds became a debt of thousands of pounds.

‘She still faces bullying, harassment and threats from multiple payday lenders.’

Misleading: Mr Niall Wass defended the firm's advertised APR interest rate of 5853% Misleading: Mr Niall Wass defended the firm’s advertised APR interest rate of 5853%

He said there was another ’young mum’ who he met who was ‘down to the last nappy for her baby’ when she took out a payday loan.

‘And one led to many more, with her ending up spending most of the money she had each week on repayments and charges.

‘She was so frightened by the harassment she faced that she had given her mobile phone to her mum.’

Citizens Advice staff told the Labour leader that ‘payday lenders are running riot through people’s lives in this community’.

But Mr Wass, Wonga’s chief operating officer, insisted the majority of first-time loan applications were rejected.

‘Our business is not to loan money to people who are desperate. Eight out of 10 first-time loans are rejected,’ he told Sky News.

‘The vast majority of our money is paid back. We have about a seven per cent default rate. These are not desperate people.

‘When we ask them would you recommend this service to a friend or family member, 90 per cent say that, yes, they would.’

Challenged over the firm’s advertised representative annual percentage rate (APR) of 5,853%, he insisted people chose to pay it, adding: ‘It is very misleading. What we actually charge is one per cent a day. On average for 17 days the average first time loan is £180. So on average people pay £36 for their loan.

‘It is up to them. We treat people as sensible, rational human beings and on average if people pay £36 to help themselves out of a problem that’s their decision.’

Wonga has hired a Bafta-nominated director to produce a film on the controversial company to counteract criticism about its huge profits and sky-high interest rates.

The premiere of the half-hour documentary called 12 Portraits was held last night. The documentary – directed by Gary Tarn – was given a West End premiere at Curzon Cinema in Soho and features the ‘real stories’ behind why 12 customers need to borrow money.

Bafta-nominated Gary Tarn was hired by Wonga to show the 'real stories' behind why customers borrow moneyBafta-nominated Gary Tarn was hired by Wonga to show the ‘real stories’ behind why customers borrow money

Giving evidence to the committee today, Wonga’s head of regulatory and public affairs Henry Raine was repeatedly challenged over how many people ‘get into real pain’ as a result of being unable to pay back their loans.

He said around three per cent of loans, equating to around 40,000 of Wonga’s 1.25 million customers, take more than 60 days to return the money.

He told the MPs: ‘Wonga’s business is aiming to lend to people who can pay us back, that’s how we make money.

‘The vast majority of people pay us back on time. We freeze interest after 60 days and 25 per cent of people pay us back early.’

Mr Raine added: ‘We do everything we can to lessen the effect of bad debt.’

Advice: Business minister Jo Swinson said people in financial trouble should get debt advice not a payday loanAdvice: Business minister Jo Swinson said people in financial trouble should get debt advice not a payday loan

The Financial Conduct Authority wants potential borrowers to be given an ‘affordability check’.

Which? executive director Richard Lloyd said: ‘Millions of people are increasingly reliant on high cost loans to pay for essentials or to repay other debts but the Government and regulators must go further to clean up the wider credit market.

‘We support the Financial Conduct Authority’s plans to get tough with rogue payday lenders, however action must also be taken to clamp down on excessive charges and irresponsible lending across the board.’

Business minister Jo Swinson insisted the government has ‘already done a huge amount’ to rein in the payday loan industry.

‘We are very concerned … so we’ve actually already taken enforcement action that’s seen 25 payday lending firms leave the market in their entirety,’ she told ITV’s Daybrak.

‘And while, yes, as you say, some customers manage OK with this type of lending when it’s for an un-budgeted emergency; when it’s actually a sign of deeper financial problems, if you can’t afford to make ends meet at the end of the month, then actually what people need is not a loan, it’s some debt advice.

‘Sometimes the help that people need is advice on how to budget, on how to manage their money and the Money Advice Service – and there’s others, National Debt Line, Step Change, free debt advice charities out there that I would really encourage people to go to because it’s much easier to pick up the phone at the beginning when you’re having a problem with £100 than when that then gets out of control. And the earlier you do it, the easier it is.

‘But it’s never the case that you need to think that things are so bleak that you can’t get help and people who have contacted debt advice charities always end up saying the first call was the most difficult, but then they felt better because then they could get it under control, they could freeze the interest and pay it back.’

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