Chris Spivey


Indeed there are some things that actually really do make you laugh out loud.

Check out this timeline:

February 16th 2015 – I release an article (Behind the flag, part 2) referencing a blatantly fake news article that appeared in most of the British nationals last year, about a bird with three tits. That very same article of mine also references an internet blogger named Zoe Suggs who also goes by the name Zooella – who I had never heard of up until that point.

Course, as you will no doubt know I arrived at the story of Jasmine Threetits via another fake MSM story about Zoe Turner and her life saving red dress.

And I had arrived at Turners old fanny whilst researching the Glasgow bin lorry victims.

From Jasmine Threetits I was led to Zooella whom brought me full circle back to the Glasgow bin lorry hoax what with Zooella looking so much like Erin McQuade – allegedly killed by the bin lorry.


I will let you decide who is who.

February 17th 2015 – The website Open Democracy releases an article by former Telegraph journalist Peter Oborne stating why he quit the newspaper and referencing the story of Jasmine Threetits as an example of the stories being published in the MSM – despite the fact that the newspaper editors know the articles to be fake:

On 22 September Telegraph online ran a story about a woman with three breasts. One despairing executive told me that it was known this was false even before the story was published. I have no doubt it was published in order to generate online traffic, at which it may have succeeded. Source

February 18th 2015 – The Chimp runs an article about Zooella. Had anyone else heard of her this time last week?

February 19th 2015 – The Chimp runs a major article about Jasmine Threetits:

The woman who set the internet on fire last year by claiming to have three breasts has broken her silence to insist she’s not a hoaxer.

Jasmine Tridevil became the subject of intense online scrutiny and doubt after extraordinary images suggested she had become the first woman in the world to have an artificial third breast fitted Source

This is despite the fact that Peter Oborne – I keep having to resist the urge to put an ‘S’ after the ‘O’ – has stated that the Telegraph knew the story was a hoax before they even published it last September.

And obviously it is a fake story. So is the Chimp that hard up for news that it has to resort to try and give credibility to the utterly ridiculous?


And then to cap it all:

February 20th 2015 – The Telegraph, despite their former employee accusing them of running false and non-newsworthy stories, apparently couldn’t stop themselves from jumping on the Zooella bandwagon:

The secret to beauty blogger Zoella’s success lies surely in how relatable she is. From her bedroom somewhere in the UK, Zoella,real name Zoe Sugg, has been connecting with over six million teenage subscribers (aged between 11 and 17 years old) who tune in adoringly to her ultra-friendly beauty tutorials. Source

Course, despite the fact that my article referenced the two birds – Zooella & Jasmine – it is of course just coincidence that they are both suddenly so newsworthy.

Indeed, as Oborne says; it is all about selling and generating huge sums of money, just like the Zoe Red-Dress bollocks was.

Mind you, the Chimp’s article about Zooella concentrated on her new £1 million pound mansion – which somehow generated 1052 comments! (Click HERE for the article)

Fuck me, we are doomed.

And talk about indignant fans. The following is ‘Mimi’ from Brightons comment:

 How DARE you leak photos of Zoë’s home. It’s hardly any of your business where her and Alfie live. Also, showing it to thousands of viewers will only make Zoë anxious. This is is an invasion of privacy and social media should NOT be aloud to post pictures and bluff about anybody! Plus, it is not even a mansion it is just a five bedroom home. Zoë deserved this home 100%. Just think of how many fans will show up at their home. Social media like this disgusts me.

After reading that, I think that maybe it is just as well that we are doomed to be honest.

I mean, does Mimi think that the Chimp sneaked into the Zoo? Furthermore, the house isn’t even photographed from the outside… And since when have newspapers been the social media?

Never the less, the Chimp was either taking the right fucking piss out of their dumb-fuck readers or they were testing their powers of observation to see what they can get away with.

You see, they publishing the following two photos, one straight after the other.


How are your powers of observation?

The two photos are of course the same room. In fact, in Part 1 of Behind the Flag, I wrote the following:

Moreover, many of the photos are taken in “their” homes… Yet as it happens they all seem to share the same couple of homes which must be laid on by the MIT’s. In fact, it is little wonder that the Cunt Cameron keeps upping the security budget, what with all the money that is being spent on decorating these homes.

And of course in Part 2 I mentioned the fireplaces. New houses do not have fireplaces obviously yet the vast majority of the fake Facebook profiles that I uncovered had [pointless] photos of fireplaces.

Now, I say that the two Chimp photos are the same room, but I haven’t actually attempted an overlay to see if I am correct… There ya go, solid proof that I write these articles as I go along.

So, lets see if I am correct.


Unfortunately an overlay wasn’t possible due to the whiteness of the photos.

Therefore, all I can say is that having looked at the number of fake profiles that I have and the photos taken in their homes, you get a feel for these things.

And of course you only need ask yourself where the room in the 1st photo fits in with the room in the 2nd photo.

In other words its bollocks, so what was the point of the article?

Course, the Telegraph’s article about Zooton is much more forthcoming. I mean, both articles carried the same photoshopped photo but with very different captions.


And if you don’t know how the picture is photoshopped, work out the background.

Forget that I will save you the effort.


Never the less, the Chimps photo caption read:

Made for two: Miss Sugg will share the house with blogger boyfriend Alfie Deyes, 21, and says that she has christened the house the ‘Zalfie Pad’

And the Telegraphs photo caption read:

Zoella at the launch of her products, photographed with her boyfriend vlogger Alfie Deyes

Indeed I would imagine that Zoothus will be buying a £2 million pound mansion next.

Now, since we are talking about the MSM adding oodles of cash to peoples personal & company bank accounts by the articles that they publish, it is also worth mentioning Alan Barnes and Katie Cutler… Again.

And as you should know, these two were also featured in Part 2 of Behind the Flag.

Katie Cutler set up a fund to help disabled pensioner Alan Barnes after he was attacked in the street

Now obviously Katie is a hero who has raised a third of a million quid for poor Alan who was mugged outside of his house… Fuck all to do with the coverage given to the story by the MSM.

Course, as far as I am concerned it is a load of old fanny and I believe that Cutler and sacked Youth Crime Tsar, Paris Brown are one and the same person.


It was also pointed out by the author John Hamer that he believes 67 year old Alan is actually someone suffering from a rare ageing disease called Progeria

Indeed you only need compare 67 year old (allegedly) Alan BARNES to 17 year old Sam BERNS who died in January 2014 to see the similarities.


And as I said in Part 2 of Behind the Flag, Cutler is now being touted as the greatest fundraiser since Mr Fun D Raiser.

However, as I also pointed out in the aforementioned article, Cutlers fundraising for young Gracie’s wheelchair isn’t going that well and at the time of writing still only stands at £8502 – the last donation being 8 days ago (source)

So Cutler must have thought that while there is a bit of a lull; she would fit a quickie in:


You can read ITV’s take on Cutler and the Ace Ventura by clicking HERE

And as an aside, I am not sure whether or not the Durham Tab news website was taking the piss with the following article:

The mother of a Durham fresher has started a JustGiving campaign to fund improvements to the safety of the River Wear.

Janis Penn hopes the campaign will provide “safety measures that would not be an aesthetic intrusion to the area”.

After the recent deaths of three Durham University students, the issue of river safety has been broadly discussed throughout the community.

Inspired partially by the campaign of Katie Cutler to raise money for Alan Barnes, a disabled man who was attacked close to his home, Janis hopes that the money raised will help to make the river safer. Source

So why is that taking the piss you may ask?

And my reply would be look at the fucking photo that the used.


Course, if John Hamer is right about Barnes, that means a massive fraud has taken place and the Chimp cannot claim that they knew fuck all about the rare disease.

You see, 5 years ago they run the following story:

Europe’s oldest sufferer of a rare ageing disease has told how in just 20 years his body has become that of a 160-year-old. 

Dean Andrews’ body has aged eight times faster than normal due to a rare condition called Hutchinson-Gilford progeria.

He is one of just four progeria sufferers in the UK and out of only 74 cases worldwide, Dean is thought to be the second oldest survivor. 

Now Dean has decided to tell the story of his life so far in the hope of providing inspiration to other sufferers.

He said: ‘I’ve never let my condition hold me back. I’ve always tried to do what everyone else does and even if I failed, at least I tried.

‘My family have kept me going and I’ve got very supportive friends. I’m very lucky as they do everything they can to make me happy.’

Dean weighs just 3st 10lbs – but his small body holds a big personality.

In his 20 years, Dean has learnt to drive, been engaged, got four tattoos and once even started a mechanics course at college. However, he was forced to quit when he was unable to get his tiny 4ft 1in frame over the cars’ bonnets.

Nevertheless, his achievements are astounding considering that when he was diagnosed with progeria at the age of seven, his mother Dawn Thomas, 41, was told he would not live beyond his early teens. Source


Just sayin’.

However, the real point of bringing Alan Barnes up is to highlight the way that the old bill went into overdrive to nick the fella who mugged Alan, despite Alan not being badly hurt, and whilst in terms of crime, the robbery was really quite tame and certainly very opportunist.

Yet when Richard Gatiss – the fella accused of doing the do – appeared in court, the newspapers were reporting that there were extra guards on duty as if Gatiss was some big shot gangster.

Moreover, we were informed that he had been remanded in custody – something that even suspected murderers are not necessarily subjected to… Certainly, to me the crime was blown out of all proportion, although that is not meant to trivialise the deed.

However, knowing the way that the Chimp works, I wasn’t surprised to see a ‘copy-cat’ crime reported on whilst the Barnes story was still fresh in everyone’s minds:

A 93-year-old who was knocked to the ground in a violent robbery outside his home for just five pounds has spoken of his anger of being attacked by a man he says he gave £10 to months before.

Pensioner Stanley Evans, who lives on his own, was left lying on the floor for 10 minutes after being targeted by the robber when he came home from a shopping trip in London.

Police have today released CCTV footage of the robbery and assault, which a senior officer branded ‘totally unprovoked, callous and sickening’

Mr Evans – a retired cameraman who worked on films including the 1947 classic Brighton Rock with Richard Attenborough – said he was left ‘flailing like a seal’.

Describing the attack, Mr Evans said: ‘I’ve gone past anger, I’m frustrated. If I ever came across that one again I was a boxer and aggressive, if someone punches me I punch them back.’

A cameraman who worked on one of the most famous films in British history aye… Interesting.

So, what exactly happened Stan:

‘I was coming up to my flat from the supermarket with a trolley when I saw a large black man sitting on the wall, I vaguely recognised him as someone I had gave £10 to last year. I’m quite friendly with people in the area.

‘He was even helpful with the trolley. I left him sitting on the wall and started fiddling with my key. Then he was behind me. He told me he had come to visit someone on the second floor.

Now to me that makes little sense. I mean, a trolley has wheels and despite his age, Stan is apparently still game. Stan sees the “large black man sitting on the wall” – why not ‘a wall’ instead of “the wall”?

After all, we don’t know which wall that he is referring to but I will return to this point in a moment.

However, Stan is an extremely generous OAP giving out tenners to strangers. Nevertheless, the next sentence again makes little sense: “I’m quite friendly with people in the area”.

So, is he implying that he knew the large black man before he gave him the £10? … In which case the black fella was on a hiding to nothing by mugging Stan in the same way that Alan Barnes’s assailant was silly to attempt his crime.

Yet by Stan saying that “he was even helpful with the trolley” implies that the black man got off of the wall to help him with a trolley that Stan needed no help with in the first place, before returning to sit on the wall again.

After returning to sit on the wall, the black fella then got up again and stood behind Stan as he fiddled with his keys – although you do not normally need a key to open a communal door to a block of flats. You usually have a card or a fob. Nevertheless, carry on:

‘I let him in behind me and I called the lift. My wallet was in the front pocket of my trousers. Then suddenly whoosh, he came straight at me. He grabbed my wallet, pushed me over and I fell on my side and he ran out.

‘When you fall over at my age every bit of your body hits the ground, I was flailing like a seal. It’s almost impossible to pick yourself up.

‘I waited 10 minutes for someone to come but nobody did. Then I managed to struggle to my feet and go up to my flat and call the police.’

The assault and robbery took place at Ingestre Court, central London at around 8pm on Saturday, 31 January.

Okay, pay particular attention to that first paragraph as it is extremely important. Also, it is quite strange that this story didn’t make the news until the 16th of February, given that it happened on the 31st of January.

Nevertheless, carry on:

Mr Evans, originally from Cardigan in Wales, once worked as an assistant cameraman at Welwyn Studio, where his first feature was John Boulting’s 1947 adaptation of Brighton Rock, starring Richard Attenborough, before moving to MGM Studios in Borehamwood.

After the film studio closed down in the 1970s he set up as a freelance photographer in a studio in Marshall Street in Soho, where he captured celebrities including Michael Crawford.

He is determined not to let the mugging scare him out of leaving his flat and enjoying Soho where he has lived and worked in for so many years.

He said: ‘It doesn’t scare me though. I’m not going to hide away in my flat because of him. I’m glad I live in Soho despite men like him.’

The CCTV footage released by police shows Mr Evans being followed by the suspect as he returns from the shops into the block of flats where he lives.

Pushing a small shopping trolley, the frail victim is seen waiting in a communal entrance for the lift to his flat as the robber approached him.

Bingo… Once again we have the studios at Borehamwood coming into play.

I should also point out that by saying: The CCTV footage released by police shows Mr Evans being followed by the suspect as he returns from the shops into the block of flats where he lives. Pushing a small shopping trolley, the frail victim is seen waiting in a communal entrance for the lift to his flat as the robber approached him – the newspaper is creating a scenario that registers in their Zombie readers brains that simply is not true.

You see, the CCTV footage shows nothing of the sort. This type of journalism really pisses me off because it is a form of mind-control that really works believe it or not.

Get on with it ya lying cunts:

The attacker then grabs his pocket and pushes him to the floor.

The footage then shows the shocked pensioner collapsed in the communal area as he waits for help to come.

As a result of the assault the pensioner suffered a shoulder injury, which was treated by an ambulance crew.

Officers have also issued an image of man they would like to speak to in connection with the robbery.

The suspect is described as a black male, around 5ft 10ins and 6ft, slim build and aged between 20-30 years. He was wearing casual dark clothing.

Ahhh, just like Alan Barnes, Stan the man suffered a shoulder injury.

And despite over two weeks passing since the crime took place, the coppers still haven’t got their man, despite having the CCTV footage of him… Surely the fella knew that he was on CCTV when he mugged Stan?

Strange… Carry on:

Detective Sergeant Gemma Alger of the Westminster Serious Crime Unit said: ‘This is a totally unprovoked, callous and sickening assault on a defenceless pensioner.

‘The victim is fiercely independent and has lived in London all his life. His confidence has been eroded as a result of the actions of this individual and now he is fearful about going out.

‘I would urge anyone who has any information on who was responsible to contact us as soon as possible before he targets someone else.’

Any information to Westminster Serious Crime Unit on 02073217513 or 101 quoting reference 6504926/15. Source

And again we see this mugging – although vile – being investigated by the serious crime unit.

So, is it me?

Am I out of step to think that what is at worst, an opportunist thief stealing a pensioners wallet, without assaulting him (in so much as Stan wasn’t punched or kicked), does not qualify as a serious crime – when you consider what is really taking place crime wise in this country?

I mean, I see in the comments on another of my articles that there are serious machete attacks taking place on people which only make the local papers… Yet Stan wasn’t so much as punched once but his story makes every national newspaper going.

Likewise, Alan Barnes – whose account of his attack makes no sense what-so-ever – is paraded in the papers worldwide resulting in him having over £330 Grand donated to him, which as far as I can see, he really doesn’t need.

Okay, lets have a look at the CCTV footage.


I missed the word “videos” off of the last caption. And if you go back up to the photo that I have arrowed where you can barely see the bubble covering Stans face – could the BF’s arm be false? It looks to me that way and indeed looks as if his real arm is still in his pocket.

Now, was it really a mugging? Or is the fella being set up?

You see, less than 24 hours after the article appeared in the Chimp and the Sun, the old bill had their man in court… And guess what? He was remanded in custody.

The following is from the London Evening Standard:

Stanley Evans, 93, was dragged to the ground as a mugger lunged for his wallet after he followed him into the communal entrance to a block of flats in Soho, central London, where he lives alone.

Solomon Bygraves, 29, of no fixed abode, was charged today with robbery and will appear in custody at Westminster Magistrates’ Court tomorrow, Scotland Yard said.

Police described the crime, which was captured on CCTV, as an “unprovoked, callous and sickening assault on a defenceless pensioner”.

Mr Evans, who was 92 at the time of the robbery last month, said he felt he had been regarded as an “easy touch”.

He told ITV: “I wasn’t scared, no. If I was fitter I would have gone out after him.

“I know he was desperate for money, to get drugs or something, or he might have thought, ‘oh, it’s an easy touch here, he can’t touch me even if he wants to’.”

Mr Evans, who remained on the ground for five minutes before managing to get to his feet and take the lift to his flat to call 999, suffered a shoulder injury during the incident at around 8pm on January 31 but did not require hospital treatment  Source

And there we have old Stan putting forward a motive for the robbery:  “I know he was desperate for money, to get drugs or something”.

Yet not so long ago good old Stan had helped fuel Solomon’s drug habit by giving him a tenner. Which he gave him because he was a member of the community… Yet the Plod had to wait over 2 weeks for the article to appear before they could nick the desperate, local crack-head… Sorry, I don’t buy it.

Even more so having done this job for over 3 years now. You see, if you type in Solomons name into Google, the first thing that comes up is his Facebook… Very strange.


Indeed, Solomons Facebook profile (found HERE) is presented as him being a small-time gangster i.e. presented with photos of him with women hanging off his arm,  flash cars, wads of money and of course guns… Or is it just another example of the cunts wanting it all ways.

You see, put another way we are supposed to believe that Solomon is a flash, well off gangster who spends his days sitting on walls in view of every Tom Dick and Harry to walk past him whilst he waits for an OAP to mug, finally settling for an old boy who through his generosity is able to recognise him… Yeah right.

However, a little bit more investigation leaves you in no doubt that Solomon has ties with Norfolk… And wouldn’t you just know that on the VERY FIRST PAGE of Google you can find the following news item taken from the Norfolk Constabulary’s website in 2010:

A 25 year old man has been sent to prison for a string of offences in Norwich.

Solomon George Bygraves of Primrose Crescent, Norwich pleaded guilty at a previous hearing to two burglaries, aggravated vehicle taking causing damage and two counts of taking a motor vehicle without consent.

Between Saturday 4 and Tuesday 7 September this year, Bygraves burgled a property on Elizabeth Avenue stealing items including a camera, handbag, mobile phone, £250 in cash and two sets of car and house keys.  He then stole a Ford Puma car from the driveway which was later found on Aerodrome Road, Norwich.

On Monday 9 August, Bygraves burgled a property on Old Library Mews stealing items including a Sat Nav, mobile phone and three sets of car keys.  A  Mercedes Saloon and VW Golf were stolen from outside the address.  Both cars were later found on Cremhorne Lane, the Golf had been damaged. 

At Norwich Crown Court on Friday 19 November, Bygraves was sentenced to a total of four years in jail and asked that 10 other offences be taken into consideration. Source

Now in three years of doing this job I have NEVER once found out information about a person so easily… NEVER ONCE.

But lets believe the fucking old bollocks anyway.

And then just yesterday (20/2/15) the Chimp ran an article about a fella who mugged a 90 year old pensioner for her handbag.

However, this article is absolutely transparent in its aim.

You see it involves a drug addict… High on a legal drug called Clockwork Orange, as well as have a go heroes, a mother who turns her son into the plod and tough prison sentences.

So lets start with the drug addicted mugger and his mother:

This is the shocking moment a man mugged a 90-year-old pensioner for her handbag while high on a legal drug called ‘Clockwork Orange’.

Woodford then snatches her bag in the attack which left her collapsed on the pavement

Kinda makes you wonder why they have CCTV doesn’t it?

Drug addict Woodford was later named to police by his ashamed mother after she recognised her son in a police appeal on Facebook

Hold up, I was under the impression that legal highs were non-addictive. Moreover, since when did drug addicts content themselves with legal highs?

Course, it would be silly to assume that the muggers mother would recognise him from the above CCTV screenshot.

This is the photo that Mummy Dear saw and “instantly recognised” her son.


Stop laughing… It’s serious. Especially since the victims shoulder was injured.

However, the subliminal message is leading to the breakdown of family loyalties, something that we are seeing in particular with children.

I mean, that is obvious just by reading the Chimps old bollocks:

Police were called to Michelgrove Road on the morning of December 29 after passers-by saw the OAP lying on the pavement and Woodford running off with her handbag. 

Woodford was chased by witnesses down nearby roads before dropping the bag, which was returned to a shaken Mrs Aldworth.

As police sought to identify the thief, the CCTV footage was circulated and Woodford’s own mother shopped him to police.

Detective Constable Leo Glendon, from Bournemouth CID, said Woodford’s mother Sharon chose to hand him over to police for the sake of the community’s safety.

DC Glendon said she saw the police photo of her son on Facebook and ‘felt it right’ to come forward.

‘Woodford’s mother saw the CCTV footage on her Facebook feed and instantly recognised the man in it as her son.

‘She felt that any loyalty towards her son was superseded by the fact that he had picked on a vulnerable, elderly lady.

‘She felt it was right to come forward and inform us due to the nature of the crime and the fact Woodford was targeting elderly people and could still be a danger to them.

‘We received a call from Woodford’s mother on January 2 during which she said “That’s my son”.

‘She wanted him to be forced to get help and the only way that was going to be possible is if he was put behind bars. 

Fuck me! We geddit! The mother saw the CCTV and instantly recognised her son as the culprit, turning him in for the good of the community… JHEEEZZZ.

And of course, the story has the have a go heroes… The MSM loves a have a go hero, don’t cha know? And so do the script writers of Government hoaxes.

Swift justice though. I mean from doing the do, to getting dobbed in, to going to court for old muggins here – ha, ha good one Chris – took less than 2 months.

Course, ignore the fact that I have been on bail for nearly 8 months… Again, doesn’t make sense.

Then again, I’m not a junkie… And we never did get to the bottom of the fellas drug addiction did we? Can you enlighten us a bit Monkey boy:

The court heard that Woodford was addicted to cannabis-like legal high Clockwork Orange, and had nine previous convictions for 26 offences including five robberies. 

Ahhh, Cannabis and legal highs… Both non-addictive, but both on the governments hate list… A bit like those crap electronic fags.

What happened in court, Monkey Man:

Les Smith, mitigating, said Woodford had been high at the time of the incident and was ashamed of his actions.

He said Woodford had moved back to Bournemouth from the home he shared with his partner and baby in Chippenham, Wiltshire, after becoming overwhelmed by his role as a father.

He said: ‘He was tearful at the incident, he was tearful at the police station, he was tearful to the probation officer and he was tearful in conference.

‘In the words of his own mother, it all got too much for him. He came back to Bournemouth to live with a friend who had been released from prison and both descended into further drug misuse.’

Judge Peter Johnson described Woodford’s crime as ‘a cowardly, despicable act’.

He said: ‘That injury is still causing her pain. The sentence of this court must be a severe one.’

He was yesterday jailed for four-and-a-half years at Bournemouth Crown Court after pleading guilty to robbery.  Source

Four and a half years is fuck all when you take into account his long criminal record: nine previous convictions for 26 offences including five robberies. 

Yet yer man Sheldon Woodford is not even presented with a decent police mugshot.


And given time and the enthusiasm I feel sure that I could make a case for Sheldon being the murdered Swindon fella, Matt Symonds whom I talked about in Part 2 of Behind the Mask. I mean that beard of Woodfords is very poorly drawn on. The hair is the same apart from the weird sides Woodford has and as we know, Symonds mouth has been altered.

But I am sure that a lot of you would disagree.

Nevertheless, the fact that we are presented with such poor photos is always suspect.

Mind you, if you look in the Chimps archives there are loads of stories about pensioners being mugged, many of them that are just total bollocks. For instance there is this one from March 2014:

A thug who tried to mug a pensioner and her blind husband has been jailed after being caught when Good Samaritans gave chase.

Jason Hall, 39, carried out the ‘despicable’ theft after he spotted the elderly couple withdrawing £3,000 from a cashpoint on January 21.

He then followed the 83-year-old woman and her 86-year-old husband down an alleyway before pushing them both to the ground.

After a tussle, Hall managed the wrestle the handbag from the woman’s grasp and sprinted off from the scene in Bilston, West Midlands.

But shoppers who witnessed the robbery – including a woman in her 60s – bravely gave chase and managed to stop Hall as he tried to jump over a bridge onto a tram line.

They then frog-marched the unemployed drug addict back to the scene of the attack to force him to hand back the money and he was arrested by police soon after.

Hall, from Bilston, pleaded guilty to robbery and was jailed for three years at Wolverhampton Crown Court. Source

Now the thing is, I have yet to find a cash machine that lets you have more than £200 per day.
Yet this very old couple – the husband being blind to boot – not only draw out 3 Grand from a cashpoint, they kindly and rather conveniently walk down an alleyway… Total, total bollocks designed to whip up public anger.

I mean you only need to read the top comment on the bullshit to realise that:

3 years and out in 18 months? This is a thug with 27 previous convictions and 38 offences! He is a career criminal. What the hell do the judges think 18 months in HM Hotels Inc will do? There are NO deterrents in this country anymore.Change the system: Sentences should fit the crime, life should mean life, full sentences to be served not half, take away their toys in HM Hotels Inc and replace with hard labour, install workshops within prisons, three strikes and life becomes mandatory, restore capital punishment.

You couldn’t make this shit up. Course, with jails all going private another part of the agenda is exposed. In fact in America some of the corporations running prisons have a clause in their contract that if the population of their prisons drops below an agreed number, the corporation can claim thousands of dollars compensation from the government for every prison bed not filled.

And then there is the racist Chimps personal grudge against the Romanians.

In fact, most of these pensioner muggings documented by the Chimp are either carried out by Eastern Europeans who have entered the country with a whole host of past criminal exploits under their belts, or they are committed by cannabis addicts who get away with £10 and inevitably cry when they are sentenced to prison.

Indeed, very few of the many articles that I glanced at ring true.

Course, it is not only muggings that the MSM is mugging us off on.

I mean obviously there is all of the ISIS bollocks that has now reached the stage where the stories are that pathetic and far fetched that I cannot muster the get up and go to write about them.

And then there is of course the Russian warmongering with Putin taking the right piss out of our peace loving nation.

Again it is blatantly obvious to anyone with half a brain that we are the war mongers rattling Putins cage… Even though they are all in it together.

But fuck me! the Chimp cannot even report on a wildlife story without making it up.

Take last month’s story of Forest Gump and his bird:

These are the incredible pictures of one man’s remarkable encounter with the world’s most dangerous snake.

Forrest Galante, with girlfriend Jessica Evans, travelled around the South Pacific and Indonesia in search of the region’s most beautiful and dangerous wildlife.

There, they encountered banded sea kraits. With venom ten times stronger than a cobra’s, banded sea kraits are the most toxic snakes in the world. Source

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Fuck me she is brave.

I mean, there she is concentrating on looking good for the camera not realising that the snake is so far down her pole that it would have no trouble whatsoever biting her leg.

Mind you, I have been bitten by one of those snakes and it doesn’t hurt that much.


You see, that is a king snake that Forest Gump’s bird is holding.

A king snake has a white underneath because the rings do not go all the way around, unlike the highly dangerous, extremely toxic Banded Sea Krait’s, who are called banded for a reason.

It ain’t fuckin’ rocket science… See ya.