Money for nothing


Chris Spivey


Do you know what I love about being mugged off by the Lame Scream Media?

Absolutely fuck all – is the answer that you’re looking for…. And you should all feel like that too.

I mean, it is not as if they are even subtle in their approach to fabricating the news – which isn’t really news at all because they have fucking fabricated it… A fact that should be news.

For instance, take today’s Chimp report about the 20 cars that fell into an Audi car dealership’s workshop in Milton Keynes after the roof or floor – depending on whose report you are reading – collapsed yesterday afternoon:

This was the extraordinary scene after 20 cars fell through the first floor of a car dealership onto a workshop yesterday.

The vehicles crashed through a 100ft by 65ft section of the upper floor at the Audi dealership in Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire, but staff were evacuated before the collapse and escaped unhurt.

Employees realised the danger and activated the fire alarm, prompting everyone to vacate the building in the Northfield area of the town about 20 minutes in advance of the collapse at 12.30pm.

Ian Wilson, from Buckinghamshire and Milton Keynes Fire and Rescue Service, said: ‘People working within a workshop heard a loud bang and promptly hit the fire alarm call point.’ Continue Reading


Now bearing in mind that this alleged stroke of bad luck is a big story which has been reported in every single one of our national newspapers, I could disregard the fact that the BBC reported the collapsed ROOF as having originally only involved 10 cars – what is a Volvo doing in an Audi showroom? – as did the local Milton Keynes rag…

They were greeted by what was described as a ‘significant structural collapse’ where around a third of the roof on the two storey building – which is used as a car showroom and workshop – has caved in.

A spokesman for Bucks & Milton Keynes Fire and Rescue Service said everyone has been accounted for and there had been no injuries.
Staff are believed to have spotted the danger and the site was safely evacuated before the collapse.

A spokesman for the fire service, which remains at the scene in a ‘supportive role’, said: “It is a significant structural collapse, about a third of the 200m by 100m roof which we believe is used to store cars, has collapsed into the ground floor and about 10 cars are involved. Continue reading

Notice how the report specifically quotes a member of the fire brigade stating that the ROOF had collapsed and I certainly would hope that our firemen know the difference between a roof, a ceiling and a floor!

Indeed, a spokesman for the dealership is also quoted in the very same report as saying that it was the ROOF that had collapsed:

 The Jardine Motors Group released a statement on behalf of Audi which stated: “Part of the roof of Milton Keynes Audi, covering the workshop area, collapsed at midday and the building has been evacuated. Nobody has been injured and we are currently investigating the cause of the collapse and the extent of the damage.

Again note that he didn’t say part of the CEILING had collapsed – he specifically said it was the ROOF.

Yet even then, despite getting a massive frown-on, I could still maybe ignore the inconsistency in reporting if there was any truth in the old bollox.

But fuck all that nonsense, as well as ignoring the fact that yesterday’s 200m x 100m section of collapsed roof is today’s 100ft x 65ft (30.48m x 19.81m) section of upper flooringone hell of a reduction in size, location & function mind you – whilst at the same time taking no notice what-so-fucking-ever of the fact that the BBC have used a photo totally alien to this story.


What you really wanna be doing is asking ya fucking self how in the name of buggering-me-backwards did the twenty cars get on the bastard fucking roof – or 1st floor – in the first cunting place?

I mean to say that; never mind the fact that these big industrial units rarely have 1st floors because of the trouble architects face in designing a floor plan strong & light enough for a steel columned, aluminium clad building to take the weight of what would, if anything, usually be office space – giving mind to the huge area that the floor would have to span.

And that is why these industrial units more often than not have upstairs offices built on stilts into one of the warehouse corners, or at best spanning the width of a back wall – if they have a first floor at all.


But what they most definitely do not have is 1st floor car showrooms or roof-top parking.

Then again, you only needed to look at that first photo to know that this is fake news.


I mean, that photo-shopped picture is bad enough in terms of being an insult to our intelligence… Yet the piss-taking, stinking-arsed, dick-splashes then expect us to believe that 20 cars crashing to earth through a floor/roof made of concrete – which is pie in the sky for a steel column, aluminium clad industrial unit – still only causes the damage seen in the photos below.

Audi dealership on Northfield where the roof collapsed into the workshop area

And that anomaly puts the story way beyond the believable in my book.

Nevertheless, even the hard of thinking should have smelt a blue-waffle fanny when they saw the following photos:


IT’S BOLLOX – MADE UP – NOT REAL – PRETEND – MAKE BELIEVE and we are being TAKEN FOR CUNTS – MUGGED OFF – FUCKED OVER – CHEATED – HAVING OUR PISSERS PULLED… And the reason that the useful useless idiots are publishing lies is not to our fucking benefit and I for one am fed-up to my back bastard teeth with it.

This isn’t an innocent game that the sick-fuck, insidious cunts are playing with us… This is all part of the agenda that will destroy us and any future that our children could look forward to!

Course, by printing this story every national poor-man’s bog roll broke the press regulations and I think that from now on, everytime they do we ought to report them en-masse to the Press Complaints Commission. After all, the Monkey-Nutz breach the Press Code every single day of the week so if nothing else it will keep the cunts busy and tied up:

The Press Complaints Commission is charged with enforcing the following Code of Practice which was framed by the newspaper and periodical industry and was ratified by the PCC in December 2011 to include changes taking effect from 1 January 2012.


All members of the press have a duty to maintain the highest professional standards. The Code, which includes this preamble and the public interest exceptions below, sets the benchmark for those ethical standards, protecting both the rights of the individual and the public’s right to know. It is the cornerstone of the system of self-regulation to which the industry has made a binding commitment.

It is essential that an agreed code be honoured not only to the letter but in the full spirit. It should not be interpreted so narrowly as to compromise its commitment to respect the rights of the individual, nor so broadly that it constitutes an unnecessary interference with freedom of expression or prevents publication in the public interest.

It is the responsibility of editors and publishers to apply the Code to editorial material in both printed and online versions of publications. They should take care to ensure it is observed rigorously by all editorial staff and external contributors, including non-journalists, in printed and online versions of publications.

Editors should co-operate swiftly with the Press Complaints Commission in the resolution of complaints. Any publication judged to have breached the Code must publish the adjudication in full and with due prominence agreed by the Commission’s Director, including headline reference to the PCC.



i) The Press must take care not to publish inaccurate, misleading or distorted information, including pictures.

ii) A significant inaccuracy, misleading statement or distortion once recognised must be corrected, promptly and with due prominence, and – where appropriate – an apology published. In cases involving the Commission, prominence should be agreed with the PCC in advance.

iii) The Press, whilst free to be partisan, must distinguish clearly between comment, conjecture and fact.

iv) A publication must report fairly and accurately the outcome of an action for defamation to which it has been a party, unless an agreed settlement states otherwise, or an agreed statement is published.

6. Are there specific regulations in the Code that apply to photographs?

Yes. Clause 1 (Accuracy) prohibits the publication of “inaccurate, misleading or distorted material”, which includes pictures. The Commission made clear in this adjudication that publications must tell their readers when they have altered photographs in any material way.

And as you know, it is a simple and effective plan that we have tried and tested before. Feel free to chat amongst yourselves… Just sayin’.