Money for nothing

Christopher Spivey.

 

I see that the Chimp was pushing another fraud last week.

And for those of you without a Scooby-Do what I am going on about I am talking about their farticle on the [apparently] famous English Siamese Twins, the ‘Hilton’ Sisters… Now deceased.

Mind you, since the farticle only lasted a day and a half – tops – on the shit-rags shite-feed, I am not surprise that the fraud escaped by and large, unnoticed.

A “historian has launched a campaign to place a blue plaque on their birthplace“… And predictably, these “campaigns” involve the public handing over their hard-earned.

Have you ever heard of the “Hilton” twins, because I am fucked if I have despite their famous surname.

So let’s have a butchers at the farticle:

A young woman named Violet Hilton strode hand in hand with her fiancé, Maurice Lambert, into a New York marriage licence bureau. As they filled out the paperwork, typists and clerks came out of nearby offices to stare at them.

Course, when you see Violet’s photo you will quickly realise that it would be impossible for her to “Stride” (strode) any fucking where.

Indeed, the Cambridge online dictionary describes the word “strode” thus: “Moving Firmly On Foot“.

Carry on cunts:

It was clear that if this couple married, it would be no ordinary wedding night. For standing on Violet’s left that day was her conjoined twin sister, Daisy.

Which is no mean feat I can tell ya… Carry on cunts:

A flustered city official refused Violet permission to marry, declaring such a union to be little more than bigamy bugger me.

As one newspaper put it the following day: ‘The lawyers figured out that three-party honeymoons are no good.’

Which is strange since there is no law – and never has been – as to how many people can go on a honeymoon.

Nevertheless, that old fanny was followed by a photo:

And my immediate thought was that they were not so much conjoined, but more con joined.

Moreover, that photo was followed by a video which had a lot of quick stills of the twins but mostly old people talking about them and footage of other “circus freaks”.

However, I will leave it until the end to publish some very telling screenshots taken from that video… Which is supposedly promoting a film about the pair but has very limit footage of them.

And so, the old bullshit continued:

Their story made the headlines in 1934, not just because of their status as ‘Siamese twins’, but because the pair had been among the biggest stars in vaudeville, touring with George Burns and Bob Hope and earning their manager more than $5,000 — $65,000 today — a week.

Strange then that there was such a time lapse in the girls making headlines since they would have been 26 years old in 1934… Continue:

Although their greatest success came in the U.S., the twins had started life in Brighton on England’s south coast in February 1908.

1934 -1908 = 26… No flies on me… Gerron with it:

Now, 110 years later, Sussex historian Alf Le Flohic has launched a campaign to raise £1,500 to keep their memory alive by placing a blue plaque on their birthplace at 18 Riley Road.

Who the fuck is Alf le Flohic? Where the fuck do they come up with these names? Course, £1500 is a relatively modest sum although a lorra, lorra fucking money for a plaque… Although he should have no trouble raising infinitely more than that now that the Chimp has published the story.

However, according to the beg website, the plaque only costs £1200… The other £300 is for scaffolding. HUH? How fucking high is it going and why can’t they use a ladder?

Moreover, a 44 pence administration charge is made on every donation… But the Chimp don’t mention that shit for some reason. (see HERE)

It was there that a 21-year-old unmarried barmaid called Kate Skinner brought the twins into the world. However, she was repulsed by her daughters, convinced they were a punishment from God for having them out of wedlock.

Fuck giving birth to them, but wasn’t there a backward way of thinking back in those medieval days?

A doctor was summoned who established the girls were joined back to back at their lower spines but shared no major organs.

How did he determine that? Did he stick his hand up Kate and have a root about? And how did he establish that they were joined at the spine?

We are then treated to another photo:

Which carries the caption: There was no shortage of men unfazed by the thought of marrying conjoined twins, although some, like Violet’s would-be husband Maurice Lambert, eventually tired of being denied official permission (pictured together)

Well there wouldn’t be a shortage would there… I mean the possibilities on sex night would be endless… Just sayin’.

However, the photo is rather staged isn’t it?

The quick-thinking midwife, 55-year-old Mary Hilton, then offered to adopt the twins — not out of compassion, but because she saw an opportunity to make money.

Fuck me it was easy to adopt back then: “Bagsy I have them“!

Course Midwife Mary Hilton hadn’t thought it through properly as there would have to be a lot of hard work involved raising them.

A lifetime of exploitation had begun. Mary started by having postcards made featuring a picture of Violet and Daisy that she handed out at their christening and sold at the pub where she was also the landlady.

I bet they sold like hotcakes!

Indeed, the girls’ earliest memories were the smell of brown ale and visitors lifting their baby clothes to see the ‘join’.

When Violet and Daisy were two, Mary started exhibiting them at fairs and circuses. If the girls cried or complained, she would hit them with the buckle end of a belt.

Kinda like the practices that still go on today with kids raised in captivity:

By the age of five, they had become a successful stage act, touring Europe and Australia; Violet would play the violin while Daisy conducted the orchestra.

Cept no one has ever heard of them until now!

Then, in 1916, billed as The Royal English United Twins and claiming to be descended from Queen Victoria, they joined a carnival touring the U.S.

Course they did…

As Mary Hilton grew older, an even more ambitious and ruthless figure took control: her son-in-law, Myer Myers.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha… Myer Myers, Ha Ha Ha Ha… Later the role model for the monster Michael Myers.

We are then treated to two more bollox photos:

And you look at that photo and ask yourself: “How the fuck could they be joined at the spine“? However, they were the inspiration for the London-Bendy-Bus design… Probably.

Fuck off witcha!

He kept the girls in strict isolation, telling them: ‘Why would anyone buy a ticket to see you if they can see you for free at a hot-dog stand?’

An argument that kinda falls down when you take into account that they look like two girls standing back to back (or side to side, depending on which photos you look at), mass communication was only via the newspapers – who apparently were not interested – and selfies were a long way in the future away:

When Violet and Daisy were 11, Mary died. As they stood beside her coffin, they realised that it was the first time they had not felt threatened by her.

At that moment, they ran for the door, but Myers grabbed them and vowed that from then on, in order to stop them escaping, they would all sleep in the same room.

Ha Ha Ha… They RAN from the room, indeed. Because they were that fucking fast that they figured they could out run Michael… Who the fuck writes this shit?

‘The only privacy we were to have was in our minds,’ Violet and Daisy said later.

Over the years, his cruelty so upset the other acts on the carnival circuit that, in 1924, they staged a ‘Violet and Daisy Hilton Day’. 

That isn’t even worth responding to.

There then followed some more photos:

This is one of the “bendy bus” collection… And those dresses must have a lot of give in them.

As must their skin.

The carnival was closed to the public and only the twins were allowed on the rides and to watch the performers. Signs outside the venues declared: ‘We Love You, Daisy and Violet!’

The girls wept with gratitude.

Well they would wouldn’t they?

Myers, though, was unrepentant — he had big plans for them to conquer the world of vaudeville.

Billed as The San Antonio Siamese Twins, they were an instant success.

Violet once said: ‘We fooled ourselves that by entertaining others we were making ourselves happy.’

Hmmm, they fooled a lot of people too… Still are for that matter.

She and Daisy sang Tea For Two, played the clarinet, violin, piano and then in an emotional climax, two young men in tuxedos appeared from the wings and danced with them. By the end, the audience was in tears of laughter.

That was the only time Myers allowed men to get close to the twins — until one day, he went too far. 

You will have to wait for that thrilling installment though because the Chimp treated us to two more photos before elaborating.

How fake is that photo?

And that one even more so. They are supposedly joined at the spine yet look at the position of their legs!

The old shite continues:

When they heard he had destroyed a bouquet of flowers sent to them by an admirer, they attacked Myers with such ferocity they shredded his shirt.

Presumably they attacked him like a whirlwind?

Shocked, he reluctantly agreed to give them more freedom.

So now we are meant to believe that this monster, holding these two handicapped girls prisoner and controlling all aspects of their miserable lives, cannot fight them off and after being beaten up agrees to let them go… That’s gangsters for you. Indeed if he was alive today he would doubtlessly ride a moped.

They embraced their liberation by both falling in love with a married man named Bill Oliver. 

Ha ha, they were old bangers too it now seems.

Their rivalry over his affections was so intense that sometimes they did not speak to each other for days at a time... Which is hard to fucking do when you are joined together… Honestly, you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife!

When Bill’s wife found out about this bizarre ménage à trois, she tried to sue the girls for a quarter of a million dollars in damages.

A quarter of a million squids back then is worth fifteen million squids today… So where did the twins get that kind of cash?

The sisters claimed that romantic liaisons with men were possible because the illusionist Harry Houdini, their close friend, had taught them ‘mental liberty’ — the ability to separate themselves from one another emotionally and spiritually.

That’s the way, ya lying cunts. Bring old Harry into the picture to give the old bollox some credibility.

Violet said that when a suitor was seducing her sister: ‘I just turn over and read a book or eat an apple… Or suffocate in the pillow.’

The Chimp then gave us two more fuckin’ photos, which at this rate is quickly making it pointless me taking all of the screenshots from the Monkey-Boyz video since they are all used in the old fanny.

I have taken the liberty of marking their backbone positions in red.

It’s that bendy-bus patent again.

And there was no shortage of men unfazed by the thought of marrying conjoined twins, although some, like Violet’s would-be husband Maurice Lambert, eventually tired of being denied official permission... Because of the infinite sexual possibilities.

In 1931, the girls sued Myers, winning their freedom and around $100,000 ($1.5 million today).

Errr… Actually a $100,000 in 1931 is the equivalent of $6 Million today… They would never have to get out of bed again with that kind of money… Except to allow one or the other of them to breath:

However, their troubles were not over. The arrival of talking pictures had destroyed vaudeville, and they resorted to desperate stunts to make money.

Despite being today’s equivalent of multi millionaires… Roger that:

They starred in a film called Freaks that so outraged the public with its depiction of people with deformities, the studio, MGM, pulled it from cinemas.

Four years later, Violet married gay actor Jim Moore as a publicity stunt in a Dallas stadium in front of a paying crowd. One reporter said Moore looked ‘as unhappy as a dog being washed’.

Who in the name of bugger-me-backwards would pay to watch that? And FYI, my Benny loves a bath… Although my Buster and Jessica aren’t so keen… Those two look as happy as a gay marrying a “freak” when I bath them.

We then have another [telling] photo:

When the twins revealed the marriage was a sham, the public were outraged, although the union was not officially dissolved until ten years later.

Anyone recall reading about that over the following 80 odd years? No me neither.

Daisy, desperate for love, was briefly married, too — to vaudeville performer Buddy Sawyer who, like Violet’s husband, turned out to be gay. The 1941 marriage lasted only ten days.

Tom Sawyer was obviously enticed by the prospect of two dung-funnel-tunnels to access.

During World War II and by now in their mid-30s, Violet and Daisy were so broke they were reduced to performing in burlesque theatres as The World’s Only Strip-Teasing Siamese Twins.

So, despite having won the equivalent of $3 Million Dollars each, and both been married to actors, ten years after the fact, they had to resort to becoming strippers… Of which there are obviously no photos… So I made you one instead:

Don’t thank me:

In 1951, they made an autobiographical movie called Chained For Life, but it was panned by the critics and by 1961 they found themselves penniless and stranded in Charlotte, North Carolina, where locals took pity on them.

They were allowed to live in a small house owned by the church, and they got jobs working in a nearby grocery store.

It was in North Carolina that they finally found some contentment.

Although they rarely socialised, the twins would watch stars such as Bob Hope and Phil Silvers — famous as Sergeant Bilko — on television at a neighbour’s house and reminisce about the days when they shared a bill with them. 

But over Christmas 1967, both the 59-year-old sisters, who shared a terror of doctors and refused ever to consider an attempt to surgically separate them, were taken ill with flu.

You may have noticed that I have by now lost interest… As you probably have too.

On January 4, 1968, after they hadn’t been seen for a few days, the police broke down their front door and found them dead.

Daisy’s decomposed body showed she had died first, and so Violet must have dragged her sister around the house for at least two days before she, too, died.

As if a 60 year old bird would be able to drag a body attached to her spine around for two days… Or even attempt to for that matter… Total and utter bollox.

At their funeral service, the Reverend John Sills said, as he stood next to the sisters’ wide coffin: ‘They were cast aside by the glittering and glamorous world they were part of for so long. In the end, it was only ordinary people who showed they cared about them.’

As part of his bid to raise money for the blue plaque to mark the twins’ birthplace in Brighton, historian Alf Le Flohic is launching walking tours this month that take in 18 Riley Road, their adoptive mother Mary Hilton’s pub and the Brighton Hippodrome, where the sisters performed in 1933.

He says: ‘I was touched by how sad their story was, but also what strong survivors they were.’

But then, in a life of extraordinary challenges, they faced the world shoulder to shoulder till the very end.

To donate to the Hilton’s blue plaque appeal, go to: thebrightontwins.co.uk

In short – just like the cancer con – the Chimp is once again enabling a mush to make money via deception… Wise up folks, for fucks sake.

I will leave you with those screenshots from the video… And take note of the one that states “BLONDE Daisy Hilton married HAROLD ESTEP, not Buddy Sawyer: