Dec 24 2019
Hi all. I have started writing this on the afternoon of the 23rd – one of the hardest posts that I have ever had to write – so if it is published before Christmas Day, I hope you all have a good one, although you can be sure that I wont… I fucking hate the Satanic holiday at the best of times.
If on the other hand this is released after the 25th, I hope that you had a great Christmas… And I was right about mine.
That is to say unless of course, the press have revealed that the Duck of Edinburgh has kicked the bucket in which case I will have had at least a bit of Christmas cheer.
Now, following on from my last article in which I told you that my beloved Jessica was unlikely to see Christmas day, it turns out that I was right about that too.
You see, in the early hours of the 22nd Jess became unwell and later that morning she suffered a massive seizure, which was both horrific and heartbreaking to witness.
At that point I finally decided that enough was enough as it became quite obvious to me that I was now prolonging her life for myself and not for her sake.
And so, seemingly out of options I reluctantly put on my big boy pants and took her to the vet who confirmed that there was no hope for her – which I already knew – and as such he put her to sleep.
PHOTO: Jessica outside the vets following a massive seizure on the 22nd. The Tumor on her leg was making it increasingly difficult to walk and she is totally blind. In the end she outlived her body
Now obviously in someways it is a relief that she is at peace, because it has taken its toll on me watching her slowly die these past few months but I gotta tell you that her death has left me devastated.
And whilst I don’t know what happens when anyone dies I do like to think that there is some truth in the Rainbow Bridge
Better still, I choose to believe that she will be reunited with Jasper… Jess fucking adored Jasper, don’t cha know.
Course unlike Jessica, Jasper never gave me a moments difficulty in his 13 yrs on Earth and I still miss him today.
PHOTO: (puppy) Jess & Jasper
PHOTO: Jasper & Jess 2013
Yet in contrast Jessica was born naughty and did exactly what she pleased throughout her whole life.
Indeed, over the 13 yrs that I have had her she has eaten her way through hundreds of pounds worth of furniture and other stuff and no amount of telling off would solve the problem.
In fact, to give you an example of the devil in her; once when I was living in a first floor flat I popped out to the shops leaving a sash window open. When I got back the fire brigade were there because she had climbed onto the sofa and out onto the window ledge.
Thankfully she had got back inside before they had to put the ladders up… But then again, she did always like a window ledge.
In fact she always liked climbing:
She was funny as fuck that way and there are far too many ‘incidents‘ to list where she had me pulling my hair out and laughing my bollocks off at the same time… That is to say I would have been pulling my hair out had I had any.
However, another couple that bear mention are when she went into my bedroom (she was proficient at opening doors) and ate my daughter Stacey’s birthday cake and unwrapped all of her birthday and Christmas presents, not to mention the time that she nicked a whole, freshly cooked chicken off the kitchen side.
Certainly I could never let her off the lead if strange dogs were about because she was fearless and would immediately attack them. Yet after Jasper died I got two new puppies – Labrador Ben & Rottweiler Buster – who she mothered like mad right up till the end.
PHOTO: Ben, Buster & Jess
Therefore, it is quite natural that both of her boys have been very subdued ever since I came home without her… Well they would be wouldn’t they? Jess had been their mother ever since they can remember and she did in fact spend countless hours washing their eyes, inner ears and, ermmm… cocks – the dirty cow.
Still, at least they got to go over the park this morning (24th) for the first time in months – Jessie’s body wasn’t up to it anymore although her head was, so it would have been cruel to take the boys and leave her at home.
This was also the first time in nearly 20 years that I have taken my dogs to the park and had neither either Jasper or Jessica with me.
Nevertheless, for all Jessie’s aggression to strange dogs she was – as I say – extremely loving to her own & to all people and never for one moment did I think that she would turn on anyone… Indeed, I was right and she never did.
Mind you, she did used to nip my daughter Stacey’s arse whenever she (Stacey) went out.
Yet in the end, even her death caused me strife.
I mean when my Jasper died in April 2014 he made it so easy on me. I knew he was going to die that day and I sat on the floor with him, resting his head on my lap from where he simply went to sleep and didn’t wake up.
Indeed, that was typical of him whereas watching Jess die has been hugely traumatic and I am now haunted by visions of her laying dead on the vet’s cold, tiled floor, knowing that she trusted me with her life while I blindly led her to her death… No pun intended.
That was Jessica in a nutshell but I can honestly say, hand on heart that for all of her life long naughtiness I never ever, even for one second thought of getting rid of her… She had what is called character. She was a joy to behold, a brilliant companion and my life is now much emptier without her.
I am already missing her like you wouldn’t believe as I wait for her ashes to come home… I will never stop missing her.
Sleep well my beautiful, beautiful girl.