Hague the Plague wins Top Twat Award

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The Daily Express / The Satire Stall

 

TAXPAYERS’ £10,000 BILL TO STUFF WILLIAM HAGUE’S SNAKE

POLITICIANS are often deemed to be slippery customers – so it may come as no surprise that William Hague’s department has spent £10,000 of taxpayers’ money to have a snake re-stuffed.

At a time when public spending is being slashed, the decision has sparked anger after the Foreign Secretary personally signed off the bill for the restoration of the 20ft-long anaconda.

The serpent, named Albert, has been in the Foreign Office’s library for at least 120 years but was found to be in “poor condition”.

A team from the Natural History Museum spent five weeks on the work, using an expensive X-ray CT scanning machine.

The Foreign Office – which is cutting its budget by a quarter over four years – defended the work, saying the snake had not been re-stuffed for 50 years.

It is thought to have been presented to the Colonial Secretary in the 19th century by a bishop in Guyana. The exact names and dates are unknown but Albert was pictured in a Whitehall building in 1892.

 

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This costly anaconda could have been donated elsewhere
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John O’Connell, research director of the TaxPayers’ Alliance

 

John O’Connell, research director of the TaxPayers’ Alliance, hit out at the expense.

“When taxpayers are being squeezed for every penny it’s bonkers that they’ve had to fork out to stuff William Hague’s snake.

“This costly anaconda could have been donated elsewhere. The Foreign Office is a government department, not the Natural History Museum.”

A spokesman for the Foreign Office said: “Albert is a unique historic heirloom deserving essential maintenance to an appropriate standard after decades of neglect.”

In a speech last year Mr Hague criticised his Labour predecessors for stripping the Foreign Office library of its 6,000 books.

UK’s FS Hague Wins ‘Top Twat’ Award

 

For recognition of his canny political legerdemain and diplomatic dexterity in playing the ‘selective memory’ and ‘joker’ cards from the ‘War Crimes’ game pack regarding the UK’s delinquent and iniquitous involvement in the illegal invasions of Afghanistan, Iraq and Libya – along with continuing to sell wicked weapons of suppression and the tools of torture to the homicidal maniacs keeping Bahrain’s despotic regime in power – plus covertly acting as paymaster and arming the foreign Muslim rebel mercenaries comprising the ranks of the faction-ridden FSA, still  attempting to overthrown Syria’s President Basher al-Assad – the human rights and wrongs group Amnesia International has bestowed upon the Tory Foreign Secretary, Willy Vague, their coveted ‘Hypocrite of the Year’ award.

 

The surprise presentation came on the heels of his Thursday afternoon public condemnation of the killing of a British engineer by Islamist militants in Algeria – predictably described by MI6 as being linked to Big Al Qaeda and his Jolly Jihad Gang – and the National Movement for Azawad in neighbouring Mali’s manky Islamic Maghreb – classing the fatality as an act of ‘cold-blooded murder’ against people simply going about their everyday ex-pat tax-exempt business.

 

Nice one Willy, another home run first – and nary a sideways glance from eyeballing the media cameras to see if his stifled Yorkshire conscience was about to stab him in the back with a ‘prang’ of divine retribution. But that’s what Friends of Israel / career Zionists – the Rothshite crime syndicate’s ‘Chosen Ones’ – have been NLP brainwashed (read ‘programmed’) and compromised by the Tavistock Institute and Common Purpose’s ‘Tiswas Protocol’  to do: lie through their fucking teeth and still retain some modicum of credibility in the myopic eyes of the brain dead public and media demographics.

 

So, ‘cold-blooded murder’ of foreign oil and gas workers by the Algerian Saracen Scallies terrorist group sees them condemned for their heinous militarist actions (and quite rightly too) – whereas the sneaky ‘hot-blooded murders’ of innocent civilians and schoolchildren – and wedding / funeral party attendees in Pakiland, Afghanistan, Yemen and Somalia simply ‘going about their everyday business’ –initiated by indirect action viz MI6 intelligence providing targets for the Great Satan’s MQ-9 Reaper UAV drones to launch AMG-114 Shitehawk missile strikes against non-combatants – and deliberately caused through direct ‘troops on the ground’ military action – sanctioned by the Libservative Coalition government of Broken Britain – fall under the heading of a totally different ball game.

 

This is due the Get Out of Jail Free card that the likes of FS Vague and MoD Minister Philip ‘Dandruff’ Hammond have up their respective sleeves – a UN-sanctioned humanitarian intervention / plausible deniability ‘cover-ur-arse’ defence to fall back on.

 

In the case of what kikester-controlled Western media sources are blowing out of all proportion and labelling ‘the Algerian crisis’ to further the Zionist West’s global Islamophobia campaign, Vague informed a gutter press hack from the Warmongers Gazette that following a meeting of the cumbersome Trouser Snake emergency committee at 10 Downing Street over a pre-dawn Snap, Crackle n Pop breakfast, the customary vacillating approach was dispensed with and rapid deployment teams from the UK’s 14th Body Bag Battalion and the elite 22nd Cannon Fodder Regiment in Hereford had been put on a specially chartered Stagecoach bus by mid-morning Thursday.

 

Initially both teams have been dispatched with the purpose of reinforcing the British embassy security staff in Algiers (some 1,144 kilometres from Sonatrach’s ‘Ain Amenas’ gas extraction plant troublespot on the Libyan border) – and liaise closely with the kleptocratic jobsworths running the Third World basket case’s excuse for a government – just in case some unruly Muslim mob get a snot on then shift into riot mode and storm the embassy compound on Chemin Capitaine Hocine Slimane and grab Ambassador Martyn Groper – to do a repeat of the US’s Benghazi consulate attack in Libya, which resulted in a CIA-plotted fubar kidnap scam going awry and Ambassador Chris Stevens getting snatched, gang-buggered then lynched.

 

So, with a bunch of France’s gung-ho BFST Gorfs (backward Frogs) from the 18th Special Segway Unit now launching Operation Merde-Tête and running around like headless chickens in an attempt to dislodge the one-eyed Mohammed al Ka-Boom and his Katibat Moulathamine – (Masked Brigade – rumoured to be so named due the fact they wear masks and hence don’t know who the fuck is who) – gang of mujihadeen cigarette smugglers from their entrenched positions inside the British Polluters / Statoil-administered Tigantourine gas field complex at Ain Amenas – then any fucking thing the imagination might conjure could go drastically wrong – and in a Busby Berkeley spectacular fashion too if either trigger-happy side starts a free-for-all shooting match and looses off a barrage of AK47 or HK 416 assault rifle fire.

 

With every fifth round in the French HK rifle clips being an M856 red tip composition R284 pyrotechnic tracer, this should produce a pretty impressive ‘Bang!’ and accompanying fireball when it penetrates one of the gas pipelines or pressurised storage vessels and the entire region’s Illizi basin wet gas reservoirs blow sky high. Hmmm, then watch British Gas (foreign-owned Centrica) shove the fucking prices up – again.

 

Ah well, there we go, yet another trying day in the ‘unholy’ crusade against the lands and peoples of Pan-Islam that the dark forces of Zionism and the Kraut’s Deutsche Verteidigungs Dienst’s burgeoning Fourth Reich want to imprison under the globalist control umbrella.

 

Stop press (drop the dead donkey). ** Acting on direct executive orders from Algerian President Lazygit Blowfly, the ham-fisted Algerian Air Force have attacked and strafed the Ain Amenas gas plant with their Soviet Mil Mi-24 military choppers – all armed with GUV-8700 / 30 mm AGS-17gunpods, UB-32 S5 missiles, S-24 240 rockets – plus wingtip pylon mounted 9M17 Phalangas – which has apparently resulted in the deaths of everyone old enough to bleed and scream inside the facility – terrorists and hostages alike.

 

** Tory Party spokeswoman Ms Scabby Bertin last night went into dummy-spitting denial mode and ‘unfriended’ a gaggle of Bolshie media hacks who accosted her while riding their bikes in and out of Downing Street’s main ‘Plebgate’ and dared suggest Posh Dave Scameron’s spur of the moment ‘command post’ decision to remain at his desk and monitor the hostage crisis in Algeria was simply a handy excuse for him to pursue his ‘impeccably tailored’ mission in life with another trip to Jimmy Savile Row and back out of presenting the Con-Dem Coalition’s long-awaited ‘Referendum-or-Bust’ speech in the Netherlands on Friday regarding Broken Britain’s continuing EUSSR community membership.

 

Thought for the day. Regardless of all the political posturing, histrionics and generalised pantomime, fuck the Great Satan’s aggressive ZioNazi global military-industrial cabal and their neo-colonial / anti-Islamic faux false flag terrorist attacks and proxy wars – and the fatally-flawed New World Order’s ‘Evil Empire’.

 

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

 

http://thesatirestall.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/uks-fs-hague-wins-top-twat-award.html

 

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.