Fish Bites

Christopher Spivey.

 

At the end of the last Sex Pistols original concerts, held at the Winterland Theater in San Francisco, California on 14 January 1978, Johnny Rotten famously said: “Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated“.

And quite ironically, on the 7th of June 2018 I can say without doubt that ‘yes I have’. However, I will save you the details of that injustice for another time.

So let’s start this article with a song:

Mind you, the mugs who pay to read the Chimp must surely feel cheated everyday… Well at least they would if they had the brains to realise that they are being mugged off.

For instance, four or five years ago Al Qaeda were the bogie me of the moment… You know, the terrorist who single handedly brought down the twin towers.

Yet when the intel services decided to invent ISIS, old Al simply disappeared overnight.

However, according to the Chimp the good old Taliban have resurfaced… All eight of them:

Now why would a religious group from Pakistan wear T-shirts with slogans written in English?

Nevertheless, that bollox article paled into insignificance compared to the Chimp story about a woman who was born without a jack & danny… So to compensate, doctors made her one out of fish skin.They really do make it up:

Woman, 23, born without a vagina has become the first in the world to have one made out of FISH SKIN and she can finally have sex with her boyfriend

  • Jucilene Marinho has a condition that left her without a cervix or ovaries
  • A genital-shaped mould lined with tilapia skin was inserted in her intimate area 
  • Fish skin was absorbed and transformed into tissue that lines the vaginal tract
  • After spending three weeks in hospital, she has since had sex for the first time
  • She said it feels ‘so good’ to have a vagina, which most women take for ‘granted’ 

A woman born without a vagina has become the first in the world to undergo reconstructive surgery to have one built out of fish skin.

Jucilene Marinho, 23, from Ceará, Brazil, underwent a neovaginoplasty in April last year after being born with Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hause (MRKH) left her with no cervix, uterus or ovaries – meaning she will never have children. 

The procedure, performed at the Federal University of Ceara involved creating an opening where Ms Marinho’s vagina should have been before inserting a genital-shaped mould lined with the skin of the freshwater fish tilapia.

The fish skin was then absorbed into her body and transformed into tissue that lines the vaginal tract.

After spending three weeks in hospital, Ms Marinho – the first of four patients given the procedure – was discharged and is now thrilled with the results.

She said: ‘My family and friends took me out to “toast” my new vagina!’

Ms Marinho, who spiraled into a deep depression when she thought she would never have an intimate relationship, has even been able to have sex for the first time with her boyfriend of over a year Marcus Santos, 24. 

She added: ‘It was a wonderful moment because everything worked perfectly. There was no pain just a great deal of pleasure and satisfaction.’

SOURCE

Aren’t all fanny’s made of fish then?… Stop it, I’m only joking. Probably.

But if you believe that old fanny, then you really are a cunt.

Indeed that story is as unbelievable as Johnny Depp turning into a lesbian… Oh wait:

He has.

However, of a more serious nature was this next fake story:

I mean, c’mon for fucks sake. A 100 yr old doris carrying £1000 in cash on her, is murdered on her way to CHURCH – onward christian soldiers and all that shite – in broad daylight! And what was she carrying the Grand on her for? To go and pay her electric bill… Like ya do.

Mind you, everyone knows that old people don’t have bank accounts or debit cards… And of course everyone over 100 yrs old has £4 Grand a year electric bills… What total and utter bullshit.

Yet in the damaged-minds of the Monkey Boyz, that still wasn’t enough because the very next day – the 8th of July 2018 – the daft-cunts upgraded the story:

Yep, it would now seem that she survived the Holohoax.

I didn’t know that the Nazi’s persecuted Catholics but it seems that she was “maybe” imprisoned in Dachau and her brother was Murdered by the regime… Mind you, now that we know that we can conclude that the 750,000 Jews allegedly murdered in the Holohoax was even less.

And like any good hundred year old Catholic, it seems that saintly old Doris – or whatever her name isn’t – prayed for forgiveness for her attacker with her dying breath… As opposed to most normal folks who would just have said “Fuck my neck hurts”.

Coincidence wise, we are told that there was a major fire in the Mandarin Oriental – a 5 star luxury London hotel:

Yet not only is it coincidence that the place caught fire a week after it had been refurbished, but it is also very coincidental that it comes at a time when the fake Grenfell Tower fire is dominating the news.

Course, since the hotel was evacuated I can only assume that the London Fire brigade abandoned the “Stay Put” policy that they implemented at Grenfell.

Indeed it was also a coincidence that the useful-idiot Robbie Williams was staying at the hotel at the time… Especially since he lives in a luxury, multi-million pound mansion a couple of miles away… Very fucking strange indeed.

Nevertheless, where the Grenfell tower is concerned we are now meant to believe that nine people have been nicked for claiming welfare payments up to a hundred Grand by falsely claiming that they were living in the block of flats at the time of the fire:

Police arrest nine ‘Grenfell fraudsters’ suspected of falsely claiming up to £100,000 each in series of dawn raids

  • Police arrest eight men and a woman over alleged Grenfell Tower frauds
  • Some suspects were taken from hotel rooms during dawn raid by police
  • Alleged frauds range from some valued at £25,000 up to £100,000
  • Follows five cases of people claiming to be victims so they could get money

Police have arrested nine alleged fraudsters suspected of having falsely claimed they were Grenfell survivors so they could get handouts.

A series of dawn raids were carried out around the capital by detectives investigating claims fraudsters exploited the disaster to claim tens of thousands of pounds meant for real victims.

Eight men and a woman are in custody over the alleged frauds, which range from £25,000 to £100,000 in value, Scotland Yard said. Source

What total and utter shite. I mean do the cunts now think we are that daft that the State pays out hundreds and thousands of pounds to people who say that they were living in the tower, with no proof whatsoever that they were?

Moreover, disregarding the fact that the council would know exactly who lived there, are we supposed to believe that these vast sums were paid out willy-nilly before the police had even concluded whitewashed their criminal investigation?

“Yo lady, give me some money innit. I lived in the Grenfell hood know what a mean”?

“Certainly Sir. What is your name and flat number”?

“Rapper Drill innit, Number 72”.

“Well Mr Drill, according to our records Mr & Mrs Patel lived in number 72 with their 2 children”.

“One hundred percent correct I am Mr and Mrs Patel’s oldest child”.

“Really? You look older than 5 years old to me”.

“I am jokin’ innit. The smoke fucked wit me ead, Blood. I lived at number 68”.

“Oh so you are the 82 year old convicted paedophile, Mr Jack Off”?

“No he was my neighbour, I said I lived at number 66”

“Okay Ms Daisy, what’s it like being a transsexual… Sorry, that was inappropriate of me to ask. What I can do for you today Ms Daisy… Sorry, Mr Drill… Err Ms Daisy, is give you £20,000 in cash. That should last you until we process your claim…”.

Wakey. Wakey, Get fucking real people.

Finally, the crippling site fees are due tomorrow and I am still a bit short… So it is up to you if you want this site to continue or not… Just sayin’.